DH message. For me?

[lopdedop]

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

Please answer my question

If it’s any consolation OP, if it IS the case that she’s meeting him there, I can well imagine that accidentally texting you and arousing your suspicions before she’s even arrived will have been like a bucket of cold water over his head. The pair of them will have thought they were so clever up to that point and I bet he’ll now be being anxious and moody with her, and won’t enjoy a second of it.

The problem is is that he’s going to gaslight you big time. He’s going to accuse you of being unreasonable, for being crazy to suspect such a thing. But ultimately even without this incident the red flags are there. His secretive phone habit, why did he need to get to the hotel so early, his friendship with another woman.

You probably aren’t going to get concrete evidence but remember you don’t need it. You can finish a relationship for any reason you choose.

Definitely sounds suspicious, sorry OP

Even without the number scenario this is not a healthy relationship. My ex h also told his OW all very personal stuff about me. That hurts more than him fucking her tbh.

He is gaslighting you, threatening you, disrespecting you and probably cheating on you physically as well. It's almost past what he's doing, now it is what are you doing to do about it? There are certainly other issues to sort even if he's not up to no good at the moment.

I suspect she’s at the hotel with him. Based on his past behaviour, he’s a disloyal piece of shit. I’m astonished you’re newlyweds.

Oh crumbs, I hope it's nothing

I'd say it sounds quite likely what's going on but does she drive? Could you do a drive by of her house and see if her car's there? Obv not definitive but helps build a picture. Not sure if it's too late

So you're newly-weds but he has spent hours in 'deep conversations' with this other woman and when you brought up your concerns to him, he had more deep conversations with her? Does he actually love and respect you? Doesn't sound like it. Even if this room number thing isn't about her, there are still huge issues here.

I agree I'm afraid.

Hope we're wrong tho.

Although I don't think it matters all that much after his behaviour, openly flirting with another woman, making it your fault, throwing rings at you. Is this the relationship you want to be on regardless of proof? He won't come clean so it may be a case of deciding whether you want to live like this with his interest in someone else hanging over

Can you not call the hotel and ask to speak to the woman in room 38?

Hell op this is so awful for you. Even if he was sending that message for an innocent reason, you are newlyweds, it should not be this hard!

And how hurtful to spend time chatting exclusively with this younger colleague and betray details of your personal life. It’s so disloyal. At this point in your marriage, he should only be having cosy chats with you.

I don’t think I would be hanging around playing detective to be honest. He has you stressed and your head is all over the place.
I would not be tolerating that and I would be disengaging. Getting him worried and on the back foot.

Edited to say: I don’t normally advocate “ltb” but in these particular circumstances, I think I would be gone when he came back. Grey rock. And if he is upset, then tell him you don’t feel loved and you deserve better, which you do.

Don’t let this man send you in to
a spin. You are newlyweds. This is not how things should be at this stage, you don’t need evidence of any more wrongdoing. Value yourself op. You are worth one hundred million of him 💐

You are newlyweds and yet this happened
He threw our rings and told me he might as well "Go for it" now.
Then he left for 4 days.

And now
I really do feel like I've been losing my mind recently.

I'm sorry OP, even without this particular woman making you question things your marriage isn't based on solid foundations. You both need a really good counsellor to help build those foundations or it's time to admit this isn't working - preferably before you lose your self confidence and self worth.

That was for someone else 😣

Go to room 38
I would

I’m sorry OP he doesn’t sound nice regardless of whether or not he is being unfaithful. That’s an emotional affair he’s already had at the very least. That message was clearly for someone else and the fact that he has lied snd said it was for you is suspicious. His defensive reaction another huge red flag. I’d be very suspicious that this woman has been there with him.

+Building a close connection with a new woman
+Sitting close every time you leave the room and huddling in deep conversation
+Repeating that behavior after you expressed discomfort
+His confiding your business and her flaunting that to you
+His defensiveness after you objected, escalating to his throwing the rings and threatening to ‘go for it’
+His leaving for 4 days
+Changed phone behavior

@lopdedop, they’re having an emotional affair in plain sight, and it’s likely gone further. They’re acting like a couple, and he’s treating you like something he’s stepped in.

He slipped up by sending you the room number. It was absolutely meant for an OW or a sex worker.

Life is too short to waste it with a disloyal pig of a man who is so invested in another woman and who humiliates you in public. Dump him, @lopdedop, or you will ultimately become diminished beyond recognition.

Flirting with another woman in front of you, telling her personal things, gaslighting you, throwing wedding rings at you and sending this text all seem like they could be emotional abuse. Trying to upset you and keep you on your toes, feeling like you are losing grip of reality.

Some people love playing mind games, and I’d suspect him to be the sort from what you are saying.

Who knows if there is another woman in that room with him, but the fact is he doesn’t care for your feelings.

Why are you putting up with this?

It's been 3 months of shit... he left for 4 days...we are newly weds..

This doesn't feel right, regardless of your latest fears. How recently did you marry, did you know each other well? Where did he go for those 4 days?

I would also have concerns about this womans motive, you say she told you how well she knows him and that he talks to her about you. Is there any way she is twisting things to try and split you guys up? I would think its really inappropriate for a woman to say this to a newly wed, whether true or not. You say she is there 3 months, when the marriage trouble started. I'm wondering what were things like before then.

I'm just trying to be devil's advocate here, but did the issues between you start with you being upset about her, making assumptions based on what she told you? For me the one thing that would drive me away is a possessive partner questioning my friendships or intentions.

Whatever happens short term I think marriage counselling would help if you are both willing.

I'd keep an eye out on whether the woman is around this week. Could she have gone with him? I'm sorry, but it doesnt sound good.

You're newlyweds and he's already behaving like an immature jerk? You cant prove anything but you need to sit down and really talk together when he gets back and you need to take control of the situation. Tell him this marriage is not working for YOU, suggest counselling and see what he says.

But it's a 4 hour drive! Perjaps not easy for OP to get to?

So sorry you are going through this. He doesn’t sound a great person without this. I would be tempted to bag up his stuff and leave it on the doorstep for when he returns.

Yeah. Dodgy AF.