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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
Lovingsummers · 07/08/2024 03:57

Could be a business colleague he's meeting up with? Innocently.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 07/08/2024 04:07

Call the hotel and ask to be out through to room 38 just see if she answers the phone

anywhichone · 07/08/2024 04:10

I'd be suspicious. You don't need to know his room number and presumably he doesn't usually tell you.

If there was an innocent explanation such as texting a delivery service/friend to meet up. He would have explained instantly.

The fact that he got annoyed with you is also suspicious he sounds defensive and as though he's trying to turn it on you to distract.

Honestly I would have driven there last night. I'd be looking for evidence at this point. Especially given he e has a friendship with a woman you are uncomfortable with. (And presumably hasn't offered to dial back the friendship)

Original poster
lopdedop · 07/08/2024 04:12

It could be pizza. I wish! But he'd have just told me that.
He's been shifty with his phone and it doesn't vibrate when he gets messages anymore. All the signs. Everyone thinks he's so great. I have been feeling like I'm going insane.
No business colleagues. I don't know. It's been 3 months of shit. I thought we had everything ironed out, then that message. He's away for a week.
I trust my gut. Everything is off. Unless I find evidence to the contrary, I'm done.

OP posts:
Lovingsummers · 07/08/2024 04:13

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 04:12

It could be pizza. I wish! But he'd have just told me that.
He's been shifty with his phone and it doesn't vibrate when he gets messages anymore. All the signs. Everyone thinks he's so great. I have been feeling like I'm going insane.
No business colleagues. I don't know. It's been 3 months of shit. I thought we had everything ironed out, then that message. He's away for a week.
I trust my gut. Everything is off. Unless I find evidence to the contrary, I'm done.

From what you've described, it does sound dodgy. Horrible feeling for you.

HappyMummaOfOne · 07/08/2024 04:17

Yikes that message definitely sounds dodgy. My mind jumped straight to …. An escort.
also if he needed to be at the airport for 5am, why did he need to be at the hotel by lunchtime?
the fact he has gotten moody just reinforces that something seems off

LaLaLoca · 07/08/2024 04:18

it doesn’t look good and the more you describe the more I’m convinced that this was a message to someone he is seeing on affair level.
His head was momentarily somewhere else and he sent by mistake to you.
I’m sorry this is happening but please try not to be blindsided by unrealistic scenarios like takeaway deliveries etc

andfinallyhereweare · 07/08/2024 04:19

That coupled with he went to the hotel so early (he could have arrived there at 8pm for a 5am flight) with the room room number, sounds like he’s meeting someone. Sorry Op.

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 07/08/2024 04:34

I’d be divorcing not carrying out surveillance on a young woman. The trust has gone and you’ve lost the plot. Whether he’s innocent or guilty, I’m not sure it matters anymore. Unless you go with him, you’ll never know.

Sweetteaplease · 07/08/2024 04:37

Maybe he told you his room incase you wanted to call him? But yeah, maybe a bit weird!

momtoboys · 07/08/2024 04:39

I'm sorry this happened. It must be stressful.

emelina15 · 07/08/2024 04:42

Sorry OP. This must be so anxiety-inducing, especially if he reacted the way he did.

Could you FaceTime him - under the pretense of “sorry we fought, just wanted to say goodnight” - or would this be too out of character for you and your relationship?

Muthaofcats · 07/08/2024 04:49

Even if not the girl I’d be thinking sex worker

ladybirddotty · 07/08/2024 04:50

Muthaofcats · 07/08/2024 04:49

Even if not the girl I’d be thinking sex worker

This came to mind for me too, although I hope it is not the case

Original poster
lopdedop · 07/08/2024 04:55

Emelina. Great idea. I should have thought of that earlier. We don't usually facetime but why not in these circumstances? Anyway, just called him 4 times and he's not picking up. Possibly because his phone is on silent (or it has been recently at home :() Going to keep trying

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 07/08/2024 04:56

@lopdedop, can you please elaborate about his relationship/behavior with this younger woman?

YouZirName · 07/08/2024 05:05

If it walks like a duck that's fucking around, and talks like a duck that's fucking around..

I'm sorry OP, but I don't think there's an explanation that doesn't involve him being a cheating POS.

Ifyouinsistthen · 07/08/2024 05:17

His message is either for someone he is having and affair with, or a prostitute. Unless he typically sends you his room number, there’s nobody else who’d need this information at 0200 in the morning.

garlictwist · 07/08/2024 05:21

It seems odd to me that your first response is to assume the worst. If my husband sent me this kind of message I wouldn't think anything of it. Why do you straight away assume he's cheating?

yesmen · 07/08/2024 05:23

garlictwist · 07/08/2024 05:21

It seems odd to me that your first response is to assume the worst. If my husband sent me this kind of message I wouldn't think anything of it. Why do you straight away assume he's cheating?

Because, as she said, they have struggling for the past few months.

Holidaysrule · 07/08/2024 05:23

@garlictwist read the full thread!

emelina15 · 07/08/2024 05:28

@lopdedop poor you. It could be on silent, it could be something else, it’s the not knowing that’s the worst…

However, I’m not sure I’d keep trying to call if he’s not picking up - I know it’s hard because you just want answers, but when he eventually gets to his phone and sees a large number of missed calls, he could easily get more defensive and even use this as ammunition against you. I say this having been the desperate multiple caller myself at a similar period in my life, so I completely get the instinct, but it never got me the result I wanted.

CrumpledBankNote · 07/08/2024 05:32

Do you have kids together op?

I'm so sorry but I would be feeling absolutely sick in these circumstances. I hope you're ok.

VanLife33 · 07/08/2024 05:38

🌺

Lourdes12 · 07/08/2024 05:39

FaceTime and ask to do a room tour