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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH message. For me?

621 replies

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:53

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

OP posts:
LemonySnickets · 07/08/2024 08:34

Not sure turning up to the hotel will do any good. Whenever I've stayed in one you can't get past reception without a key card to get through the door. At best they'd probably ring the room and pass a message on to let your husband know you're there. I doubt they'd just let you go up to the room without checking with their customer first.

Blondiebeachbabe · 07/08/2024 08:35

I was at home recovering from an op, and I got a text from partner (who was 5 hours away) saying "I'm ready to be picked up now babes". Bloody horrible.

I hope you get to the bottom of it Op. At the very least I'd be driving by that lady's house to see if she was home.

feelingfree17 · 07/08/2024 08:35

If it’s all too late to check on outbound, is there any way you can check how long this work trip (if this is genuine) actually is. Could he be tagging another night on to meet OW.

Failing this, I would be watching closely over the coming weeks, and checking his phone, when and if I could.
I am sorry you are going through this mental torture OP.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 07/08/2024 08:36

I'm really really sorry that you're in this position OP. It does sound very much like he's up to no good for so many reasons.

I realise this is hard to process and that is normal and understandable especially when you have lost trust in your own judgement.

I appreciate that the hotel is a long way away. However, if you feel that you need to be 100% sure about what is going on once and for all then it may be worth going there yourself.

caringcarer · 07/08/2024 08:41

ladybirddotty · 07/08/2024 04:50

This came to mind for me too, although I hope it is not the case

Show quote history

I wondered this too.

Harrumphhhh · 07/08/2024 08:43

I’ve been where you are.

99% convinced that (now ex) H was cheating, but seeking that 1% for ‘proof’.

What I eventually realised was that I didn’t need that 1%. Living with doubt, insecurity, resentment, etc, was bad enough. Once you’re at this stage, the relationship is doomed.

Stop seeking ‘the truth’. Spend the week he’s away getting things in order: copies of bank statements, mortgage details, pension details (if you can access them), speak to a lawyer, check prices of rentals in your area. Arm yourself with practical information about moving on. He’s not worth you.

caringcarer · 07/08/2024 08:47

If you're newlyweds and he's doing this now I can't see a good future for you together. As newlyweds you two should be so loved up. He's already looking around for other options. I wouldn't tolerate that OP. In your shoes I'd rather leave now than stay get pregnant and end up as a single parent having to share your DC.

PennyNotWise · 07/08/2024 08:51

What an absolute wanker. Get your ducks in a row OP, you deserve way more than this, he sounds horrible. Be strong and lean on your friends/family & us.

muggletops · 07/08/2024 08:56

I would go around the OW's house with a bottle of wine and see if she's home. If she is you can say 'hi i thought as DH is out of town we could catch up and get to know each other'....if not, then you may have your answer why she's not out with her mates... enemies closer and all that???

deydododatdodontdeydo · 07/08/2024 08:57

I'm usually pretty cautious about jumping to "affair"! but in this case I don't think it looks good, given all the subsequent posts.
I wouldn't play games with the hotel/OW.

Sunnydiary · 07/08/2024 08:58

Given your updates, he sounds very shifty. I wouldn’t trust him, therefore marriage would be over. So sorry.

graffitiwall · 07/08/2024 08:59

This is the message men send to their OW when they have arrived at the hotel room they will be meeting in. Sorry OP, there is no other explanation. Especially as he has lied to you about ‘keeping you updated’. He must think you were born yesterday. As if you need to know the room number. His OW does though.

Marseillaise · 07/08/2024 09:01

As he's away for a week, see whether he feels he has to tell you his room number wherever he's staying. Then check with the hotel.

TemuSpecialBuy · 07/08/2024 09:02

I’d assume affair

From your description…
he sounds petty vindictive and not a fundamentally good person

DaisyFloop · 07/08/2024 09:08

I would ring the hotel and ask. 'My husband stayed in room 38 last night, can you let me know if any female guests accompanied him?'

80schildhood · 07/08/2024 09:08

What happening at the hotel almost doesn't matter anymore. If you were really over the way he treated you when he walked out on you for four days after asking him to have relationship boundaries, then the text wouldn't have triggered this response. I personally couldn't be with someone who disrespected me, my feelings, my privacy and our relationship. It would indicate to me that he valued her opinions and friendship over me. That's a deal breaker in itself.

Miffylou · 07/08/2024 09:08

Sceptical123 · 07/08/2024 05:55

Call the hotel and ask reception to call the room or knock on the door with a message or you wanting to speak with him - do it asap!

And do it later as well

Show quote history

I don’t understand what good that would do.

BunnyLake · 07/08/2024 09:09

Ifyouinsistthen · 07/08/2024 05:17

His message is either for someone he is having and affair with, or a prostitute. Unless he typically sends you his room number, there’s nobody else who’d need this information at 0200 in the morning.

I don’t think it was 2am? It was around lunchtime ish.

Still dodgy though.

CoffeeGood · 07/08/2024 09:10

DaisyFloop · 07/08/2024 09:08

I would ring the hotel and ask. 'My husband stayed in room 38 last night, can you let me know if any female guests accompanied him?'

They wouldn't tell her!

tuvamoodyson · 07/08/2024 09:13

Why would his room number be keeping up updated? Especially since he’s never felt the need to do that before?

Sunshineafterthehail · 07/08/2024 09:15

When he has checked out ring the hotel. Tell them you think you left a bracelet in room 38.... Ask them to check. Their answer will be telling.....

BetterWithPockets · 07/08/2024 09:16

Could be another colleague, OP? But in that case, I don’t see why your DH wouldn’t have said oh sorry, that was for John — he’s popping by to pick something up…

Naunet · 07/08/2024 09:17

Sunshineafterthehail · 07/08/2024 09:15

When he has checked out ring the hotel. Tell them you think you left a bracelet in room 38.... Ask them to check. Their answer will be telling.....

It really won’t. This woman (if there is one) clearly didn’t check in with him or he wouldn’t have text her the room number. In which case, the hotel will have no idea that she was even there.

BunnyLake · 07/08/2024 09:20

Sunshineafterthehail · 07/08/2024 09:15

When he has checked out ring the hotel. Tell them you think you left a bracelet in room 38.... Ask them to check. Their answer will be telling.....

How? Unless a bracelet has been left there I’m not sure how it would help or be telling.

Reception staff don’t give out personal information, so all these suggestions of asking if a woman was with him, did a woman check in too etc are not going to be answered. The woman wouldn’t need to check in anyway, she’d just walk up the stairs or get the lift. You can walk freely around a hotel.

LBFseBrom · 07/08/2024 09:21

lopdedop · 07/08/2024 02:59

Thanks for the replies. I did respond and asked who the message was for. He said he was just keeping me updated..? But yes, he knows there is no reason for me to visit. Now he's in a mood with me.

Maybe he wanted you to know his room number in case his signal died, in which case you could ring the hotel and be put through to his room.

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