DH message. For me?

[lopdedop]

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

Again, you're adding steps to justify your opinion. where was it previously suggested about communicating the day before? So this supposed dalliance was planned and then without a message from this supposed other woman, he randomly composes a text only stating his room number, without any confirmation "she" is about to arrive or something?

Your attempt to argue your point and then close the conversation hasn't gone unnoticed. You say this isn't helping OP, AFTER you've made your argument?

That doesn't work here. If you think we shouldn't discuss further, fine. Don't reply to this message. I have the last word now.

I'm not arguing @Gouki It's really not that important to me. Happy to accept that we have a different point of view. Enjoy your evening.

Yes, you have a good evening too. Goodnight.

But it really doesn't though. I think it’s you who isn't comprehending. He never sends the missus his room number. To have done so immediately raises questions because it is something he has never done before. The thinking you are not understanding is that he meant to reply to THAT message but sent the reply to his wife by mistake. Ive done this plenty. I click on the last message received and respond not realising another message has come in from someone else at the exact moment i clicked to open the message and its opened the new message instead. Happens more than you may realise, luckily i never say anything about anyone i wouldn't say to their face and I'm a stickler for being honest, so its never gotten me in trouble. This man? He deserves all the fucking trouble if you ask me. I hope that makes the comments clearer for you so that you're able to comprehend the situation? If not i doubt anyone will be able to help you as it’s clear you don't want to understand.

If he is cheating those are three things you'll never grt from him

Again, someone making up steps to rationalise their point.

Why're you stating the very very rare predicament, that someone messaged you exactly as you were about to reply to another message, so you hit on that incoming message and then replied to the new message instead of the message you intended to reply to???

CAN YOU READ YOURSELF?

If this supposedly happens to you a lot, you must have a dodgy phone that doesnt alert you to a new message until you open the messaging app.

I'm done with a few of you on this thread. Just making up scenarios, no matter how silly, and then claiming because 'its happens to me a lot', you think thats enough of a reason to justify that you HAVE TO be correct.

You, and a few others like to pull those little remarks at the end of your post to make it seem you are correct. Let me remind anyone who reads this, is that you've fabricated a really lame situation ('Oh I open new messages as they come in exactly as I was going to reply to someone elses message, and I'm so blissfully unaware I dont notice the message just above where I'm typing on-screen, has no correlation to what I am typing myself'), and then to confirm that it is supposedly a common situation ('Oh and I do it all the time') you pretend this is a common thing.

Lastly, why mention his behaviour otherwise has been shady? I havent said anything about the guy's guilt or anything else. The people who argue against this being an innocent mistake also seem to mention other behaviours. Look back at every post I've made on this thread. They all concern this text message - nothing else.

@Gouki

"I'm in room 33"

Two hours after op had spoken to him.

Unwarranted, uncalled for and unsolicited.

He had no need to offer this piece of information, in fact he never has before, it would be of no use to op whatsoever, she could neither get to that room or need anyone to ask her to be put through to that room.

The only thing that information has had an effect on is the op becoming worried he has an unknown guest.
His anger shows that the information given about the room number was a mistake on his part.

Why are you using word salad to confuse and apply non logic to something which is very possible, that he texted the wrong person.
Your excuses remind me of the subtefuge my ex used on me, pure gaslighting for something which is entirely possible.

Are you the husband?

Interesting attempt to denigrate my opinion, by associating me with something unpleasant happening.

Are you sure you were being gaslighted?

No need to answer; I don't care.

@Gouki sometimes people send messages to the wrong person. If you never do, then that's great for you.
It happens.

An attempt to make you question your reality by someone else. If you need a definition of gaslighting, see the above comment that i’ve quoted. It’s a perfect example. I doubt @Gouki even realises they're doing it half the time. Most people with this mindset don’t thats why gaslighting in today’s day and age is so damn insidious. We keep being told we are adding steps to validate our points yet this person keeps ignoring all the red flags to justify their point. The excuses given, because thats the point they’re trying to make, to excuse the behaviour, is that it is perfectly reasonable to text your other half the room number hours after having spoken to them and checked into the room, after having NEVER done it before when they left at lunctime for a hotel 4 hours away to stay the night and then get up for a flight the next day. Tell the wife that the message was for them and that they were just ‘updatjng her’ (with information they had 2+ hours beforehand) and then get defensive and angry after the question was reasonably raised. It is almost irrelevant who the message was for at this point. His behaviour before and after is what led the op to be suspicious and his gaslighting has just confirmed that this man is up to no good and needs to be run from as fast and as far as the op can. People like this need to be isolated and thrown into a world where they all have to live together so that the rest of us don't suffer cptsd at their hands. Once you've come through and you recognise the signs, it becomes extremely difficult for them to ever fool you again. I believe thats what this poster is struggling with, the fact that we wont accept their flimsy excuses for this shady behaviour.

My abusive ex used to do this all the time, why should other things I’ve done to you have any bearing on what I’ve done this time. You should look at this specific situation in isolation and not consider it to be suspicious. If I wanted to talk about why I found it to be suspicious, he’d throw a tantrum and then punish me by giving me the silent treatment and having me feel like I was walking on eggshells for days just waiting for the next thing that would make him blow up and berate me, or worse. So I’d work extra hard at making him happy. It never worked and it took me a long time to realise that I was the one who had had her boundaries crossed and yet he was somehow the victim who had been wronged. Turns out of course that my gut was never wrong. When his behaviour shifted I’d always find the cause eventually and once found out, with proof, I’d have to listen to how I’d invaded his privacy and how what he had done was nothing compared to the crime of not trusting him. He could be so reasonable about it that I wouldn’t even realise I was feeling guilty about finding the evidence! An example…. He used to take photos of me during sex that I was unaware of. Then I heard his camera sound in his phone once because he didn’t have it on silent. It raised my suspicion level, I questioned and he excused and apologised. I looked for proof of what and why he was doing it. I accessed his tablet (which he’d given me the password for, not for his phone though!) he had hundreds of them. I sent a few to myself and then deleted the message. I did a reverse image search on Google and found a tumblr account where he had been posting all of these pictures that he took without my consent or knowledge and one of them had been shared hundreds of times (now 8 years later, more than 10,000 times) when confronted, he stated he didn’t understand why it was an issue because he had made sure my face wasn’t in any of them. This is quite correct, and I initially dismissed my feelings because he was just so damn convincing. Then I realised that my face wasn’t in them but my house and my very recognisable and unique (I designed them all myself) tattoos were. When I tried to bring it up again I was shouted down because ‘we’ve dealt with this already’ he continued to take and post his pictures. He legally changed my name as a ‘gift’. It later transpired that he was in a long term committed relationship when he started seeing me and had told his parents that he was having an affair with me so when he eventually decided to leave her and be with me (I didn’t know btw) that he couldn’t let his parents know I was the person he had been cheating with so it was easier to change my name than to have his image tainted. Those are just two of a hundred different examples I could give of how coercive control, narcissistic abuse and domestic violence starts and escalates. This lady is better off running for the hills the moment she discovers something than listening to the manipulation and lies she will face if she attempts, and succeeds, in gathering proof to confront him with. Her gut feeling is enough and it’s time we all realise that. Better to be alone and lonely than in a relationship and damaged.

@GoodLordyTheExcusesWeMakeForThem

I hope you had him arrested for that.

Or would consider doing so now.

I can't imagine the trauma that left you with.

I did go to the police and they were willing to, however as were were out and safe I wasn’t willing to put that safety at risk by perusing the issue, especially as it happened over 10 years ago at the beginning of the relationship. I am just trying to heal and deal with the cptsd the children and I have been left with (they are not his so going no contact was easy and the best outcome possible)

Did you have a chat? Hope you're feeling stronger now. Been wondering how things are for you now.

Hi. How are you getting on? I guess he's come back now? I hope you're okay and continuing to be strong. Don't let him manipulate you into thinking it's all in your head. Hope all is okay and your moving plans are going well.

It is absolutely amazing, that you completely ignore the part where I stated "Interesting attempt to denigrate my opinion, by associating me with something unpleasant happening."
Yet, make a big deal out of the statement of "Are you sure you were being gaslighted?" which is so blindingly obvious to any person without a preformed agenda, that it is a response to someone explaining away their issues as having being gaslighted.
Someone could tell you that you caught the wrong bus, and you'd complain that they were gaslighting you.
I'll respond to your next wall of text seperately.

Oh, I forgot to add on, that at every point when questioned, I have stated that I am dealing with the text about the room number in isolation. Some of you here seem intent on making out I'm stating anything about the entire relationship - once again, I have to clarify that I am SPECIFICALLY talking about the text message.

Make up all the stories you want about me defending certain behaviours; if anyone is reading this independently, they will see how you keep on attempting to gaslight me into saying something about the entire relationship.

Do you really think your anecdotal story gives any weight to the fact that you've made a decisive judgement on this story?
No, it doesnt. You have your opinion, yet you seem to be hellbent on correcting me that the guy is dodgy, and then relayed a story about yourself; as if that means anyone facing a semblance of the ... something that you relate to, means they're obviously doing the same?

Just stop. You keep on going off-topic with various stories and rhyme and reason, yet you still cannot dispute my original post. There was nothing inherently wrong with that text message.

I suppose you'll accuse me of gaslighting you somehow now.

Just dont. Let it go. Do better.

Couldn't agree more. With your last statement. DO BETTER smh 🙄

Christ @Gouki Why the need to be so aggressive in your communication with other posters? You seem to be taking it very personally.

Can you not just accept that people have a different opinion to you about what might have happened?

We all bring our own experiences to this type of post. Some may be suspicious of the text based on their own history and relationships. Others, like you, think it's entirely reasonable. But what we're all doing is speculating because nobody can know for certain. Why is that speculation upsetting you so much?

That quite amusing. I'm the one who's taking it personally? Read my posts again, instead of just replying to the last one read. You'll find that I said my piece, and have been slammed for it the entire time; when I've defended my view, I'm apparently "taking it personally?"

Thats cute. Another user trying to dismiss what I've said, tainting that it must be an emotional response. Nice try.

I'll tell you what I said to that user with the baitest of usernames.

Let it go. Do better.