DH message. For me?

[lopdedop]

DH left home very (too?) early today to go to the nearest city (4hr journey) as he is flying abroad tomorrow. He's staying at an airport hotel. He arrived well before lunch. He needs to be at the airport at 5am (we're not in UK). Sent a message to say he'd arrived. About 2 hrs later sent a message. "I'm in room 38".
Am I over thinking? He's never sent me his room number before?
Is that strange? I'd really appreciate opinions.

Stop ringing him.

He's up to no good, you know that already. The marriage has broken down.

Pack your bags and be gone by the time he gets home .

Don't answer his calls.

If you read the Op's posts you'll see she's already left him.

The OP posted this 4 days ago, and things have moved on since that night. There is an easy way to keep up, all you need do is use a filter to see only the OP's posts.

It doesn’t matter if he’s cheating or not, he broke your intimacy by having conversations like that with the other woman.
It is emotional cheating at the very least. There is a type of bond and trust that should only exist between you two. In some rare occasions men can have female friends they are that close to, but never without informing you and in this manner.

I had a much longer marriage with kids and found myself with similar suspicions. At the end I understood it doesn’t matter if he was physically cheating or not.
but this all sounds all too familiar, the cagey behaviour with the phone, not answering, defensiveness and feeling like I’m losing my mind.

At the end I realised if I don't trust him and I feel betrayed and when confronted he doesn’t even try to fix it it’s over.
And it was. I think doing something like this, by which I mean having conversations like this with another woman, means it is likely well past the point of no return for a relationship.

Good luck, and indeed lucky you don’t have children and can get well away from him.

Sorry but if hes a man.......

Heres hoping you’re doing ok Op? Are you managing to get your head around things? It’s such a dismal situation to be in. Of course it’ll get easier and be by far the best thing for your mental health in the long run but wishing you much strength and courage in the mean time. Remember to look after yourself. Oh and eat some nourishing food ! We forgot to do this one most important thing when we’re low don’t we. Xxx

Can't do that on my phone.

Anyway my advice still stands.

Perfect result

Yes you can - go to the top of the page where it says DH message. For me?
Click in the bottom right corner where it says OP posts: see all.

That is very suspicious...

But you can check the latest posts to get the general idea of what's the latest update.

Read the OP's updates. It's been difficult for a while.

This is a joke reply isnt it? Have you read all of the ops posts and updates? This is a clearly toxic relationship and his treatment of her and her boundaries, which are entirely reasonable, is quite frankly bordering on abusive. There is clear coercive control and gaslighting going on and even if he isnt cheating he is most definitely guilty of making her feel like shit and not caring about her or her feelings. Judged and found guilty of being a wanker and yes, being newlyweds this lady need to get out now before she loses herself, self confidence and self worth and finds that she comes to accept being treated like crap and can’t leave. This only gets worse, never better. Please read the entire thread before making snap judgements like you have in this comment.

OP I hope you are okay going through this despite all the posters speculating and the weird Catholic style "he's not cheating" ones.

You know what is going on and you have chosen to respect your boundaries.

You don't owe everyone an update on the salacious details, just look after yourself and be rid of this dodgy fucker

Yep this is all wrong. I’ll always know what hotel my husband is in but I. 29 years I’ve never been told the room number - same as you - because why would he unless I’m visiting?! Also why check in before lunch for a 5am flight, you pay extra for that but don’t need to go to sleep at 1pm for 5am flight. That is weird. Something is going on

Good luck OP .

Thanks so much to all of you. To update, there isn't anything to tell. I am getting on with organising things. Not sleeping well so I'm a bit tired and very drained emotionally. It's been good to have some space.
There is so much great advice here. Thanks for taking the time and for your wise words.

Good for you. You sound strong and ready for a huge change.in more than one way. I’m sure you will be ok, and no doubt it’s going to work out the best thing you could have done, but do take time to look after yourself too. I hope you have some good support irl as well as here. You’re quite inspirational.

In isolation its no biggie, but it seems like you already have suspicions. Personally I wouldn't go, what would you do if he was there alone? Or even if he was with someone? But I would be talking to him.and explaining your concerns and asking for reassurance. Figure out what you would need to feel better and ask.him to support you. Remind him.of the consequences of cheating and also maybe for you think about what would happen if he is cheating, what would be the next step for you x

Well done - keep strong!
Thank you for the update.

I asked him, to put my mind at rest, to show me the room.

I mean if you actually said that then there's no point anymore is there?

When I was spending Christmas with my first ILs, husband & I went for a walk on Christmas Eve.

This is a few years ago & as we passed a phone box(!!!!) he said he'd give work a quick ring to check in.

He was phoning work, but specifically the ow🙄

She hasn't left him. They are moving to a new country together.

Your husband has to check into a flight at 5am in the morning and the city he needs to do so in is a 4 hour journey away.

He shared his room number with you and appears to be trying to keep you updated.

Let me add some perspective as an outsider to add an ounce of sanity to this :

I am assuming he's travelling for business. This means they have probably arranged his day for travelling to the city for this flight in a manner which is least disruptive to his working day. This may have been completely out of his control. He could be sitting in room 38 on teams calls.

That could be complete nonsense but again he has to drive four hours and it's completely unfair to expect him to not sleep through the night and get up and drive from midnight / 1 am to get to a city four hours away then go on an international flight.

I think you're being unreasonable. Even if he has a friendship you're not happy with, you need to learn something very valuable - no amount of you exerting control is going to stop someone from cheating. In fact you're probably going to make it more likely to happen if you continue to be a green eyed monster.

Stop calling him. Stop asking him where he is. Stop asking him who he is with. Stop thinking about him. Because if he is cheating you will soon find out and you shouldn't make yourself miserable.

Just relax, pour yourself a glass of wine. Enjoy your time apart and think about ways you can work on your insecurities and your marriage.

Not necessarily, she's going ahead with the move but hasn't confirmed she's moving with him

OP said ’I’ am moving to another country .. strangely no mention of her dh moving too, he was going to his home country to sort some admin 🤔 😵‍💫