Page 4 | I need advice and quick

wingliner · 2024-08-03T00:48:30+00:00

Hi. I am going to give a very brief summary. Minimal detail and now names. Short version. Whilst at school I had a sexual relationship with a teacher. I know now it was wrong but at the time I didn’t. Recently I have met up with friends and we brought with us lots of photos. There was one photo that brought back memories. A school trip in particular. I know that it was that day it all started with him. When discussing the trip , my friends were adamant that it was a particular year that would mean I was 15 soon to be 16. Where as I thought this all started when I was 16 nearly 17. I have stayed in contact with him all these years and even he says I was nearly 17. But my friends that trip was in this particularly year. I am shocked and started to feel a-bit unwell thinking that it all started when I was 15. I haven’t really viewed it as wrong all my life. He charmed or some would say groomed me into thinking it was normal. Well and that’s where I am today. He has always stayed in touch with me, always. any advice.

Original poster

wingliner · 30/12/2024 23:33

I have read all your messages and I thank every single one of you for your opinions and your advice.

It seems that things have taken quite a turn.

I got a friend request from his wife .... I couldn't believe it but then he messaged me asking if everything was okay? And that his wife has said she had a friend request from me.

I ignored me
I ignored her

What do I do
What do i say

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Original poster

wingliner · 30/12/2024 23:35

@Opentooffers sorry for the quick replies - I think it was because I was quite stressed about the situation and I get like this

One minute I want to do something about it the next I think it would all be too much to report.

It would cause a lot of people a lot of pain

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Original poster

wingliner · 30/12/2024 23:36

@Gettingannoyednow thank you for your advice. I don't want to be victim blamed. I don't know how anyone could blame me. I was a child. I would like to have thought I knew exactly what I was doing but I didn't of course I didn't. I was a child.

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Catoo · 31/12/2024 00:38

wingliner · 30/12/2024 23:33

I have read all your messages and I thank every single one of you for your opinions and your advice.

It seems that things have taken quite a turn.

I got a friend request from his wife .... I couldn't believe it but then he messaged me asking if everything was okay? And that his wife has said she had a friend request from me.

I ignored me
I ignored her

What do I do
What do i say

I would continue to ignore them.

Let him panic.

You continue to take your time to decide what is best for you.

💐

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 00:46

@Catoo thank you. I'm so grateful for your kind message. When I saw the friend request from her I felt physically sick. She must know. She must have a suspicion. My FB did say what school I went to so she would have worked out how we met. Thing is she may want to know but I don't think she realises it will ruin her life as she knows it. She will find out he cheated on her multiple times, she will find out that their children isn't his first child, she will find out what a liar and manipulator he is. He will likely have no job? No money? No house. What makes me wonder is why now. Why has she contacted me now.

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thiscantbemylife · 31/12/2024 00:49

Frogpole · 03/08/2024 04:50

@wingliner I know I'm an intruder on this one so I'll just post this and be on my way, but to give a bloke's perspective:

He knew exactly what he was doing, and it wasn't a spur of the moment thing.
It makes no difference if he was oh-so-kind and 'gentlemanly' enough to wait until the ink on your 16ᵗʰ birthday card was dry or not - he was an adult in a position of responsibility for a child, which outweighs age of consent law.
He's a grown man, a school teacher who decided he'd like put his penis inside a schoolgirl he was in a position of power and authority over, who he's acting in loco parentis for.
He picked you specifically because he thought you'd be the easiest to manipulate in to doing whatever he wanted.
This bullshit over "staying in touch even after all these years" is just an insurance policy for him. He knows his entire world relies on you keeping your mouth shut, and that you're much easier to control if you think he's your friend.

Please report him to the police. Please.

Show quote history

I second this opinion.

I grew up in children’s homes in my 30s now but when I was 15/16 I was groomed signing up at the library by a guy working behind the desk he was much older but dressed and pretended to be younger. He even said he went for me as knew he could emotionally manipulate me.

Once he got me alone he did unspeakable things to me that when I was in my 20s I had a moment you were having and reported it.
To be honest the police weren’t great so I decided to not go through with it but I think in the case of this guy being a teacher you really should consider it.

It’s true him staying in touch is his way of hoping you won’t have the courage to possibly ‘ruin’ his life.

To those saying at 15/16 you should of known it was wrong why now stuff is ridiculous you were a child who was groomed by an adult in a position of power and who knows may have done it to others or decided after getting away with it, may even of gone for younger children as these men get sicker over time..

PennyApril54 · 31/12/2024 00:51

HollyKnight · 03/08/2024 03:05

It doesn't matter what age you were. You were a school pupil and he was your teacher. Your age doesn't make what he did any less wrong.

This. There was a huge imbalance of power at the time due to the pupil/ teacher relationship. It should not have happened no matter what even if he was young himself, it is completely unprofessional and unacceptable. I am not sure what I would do if I was you, however if I thought other girls were at risk I'd do something. How old was he at the time? I realize this must be hard and upsetting for you, I hope you're coping ok.

Misscloudycat · 31/12/2024 00:57

wingliner · 31/12/2024 00:46

@Catoo thank you. I'm so grateful for your kind message. When I saw the friend request from her I felt physically sick. She must know. She must have a suspicion. My FB did say what school I went to so she would have worked out how we met. Thing is she may want to know but I don't think she realises it will ruin her life as she knows it. She will find out he cheated on her multiple times, she will find out that their children isn't his first child, she will find out what a liar and manipulator he is. He will likely have no job? No money? No house. What makes me wonder is why now. Why has she contacted me now.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this.
You don't owe either of them anything right now, you can wait and talk things through.

Did he get you pregnant? Sorry if I've misunderstood your post.

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 00:58

@PennyApril54 it started at 16, he was/is 12 years old than me. So he would have been 28. God as I type this now it sounds and feels awful.

The whole this is upsetting me for, but it's something I lived with for quite a while now.
Sometimes I'm ok, sometimes I'm not.
I get panic attacks from it all.

I know there was an imbalance. But I suppose at the time it felt exciting n dangerous. It didn't feel stupid and dirty. I truly truly thought he loved me and that it was all going to be okay.

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PennyApril54 · 31/12/2024 01:00

wingliner · 31/12/2024 00:46

@Catoo thank you. I'm so grateful for your kind message. When I saw the friend request from her I felt physically sick. She must know. She must have a suspicion. My FB did say what school I went to so she would have worked out how we met. Thing is she may want to know but I don't think she realises it will ruin her life as she knows it. She will find out he cheated on her multiple times, she will find out that their children isn't his first child, she will find out what a liar and manipulator he is. He will likely have no job? No money? No house. What makes me wonder is why now. Why has she contacted me now.

Sorry just catching up. So he was with his wife already when this happened? I wonder if she is suspicious something is good on now or more recently rather than thinking something this sinister happened all those years ago. I think you need to talk to a good friend op, maybe counselling too. This must be rather distressing for you. First and foremost take care of yourself ❤️

PennyApril54 · 31/12/2024 01:00

Meant going on

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:01

@Misscloudycat yes. I fell pregnant with his child. Unprotected sex ... not proud of that moment. But then I got really angry when I first found out I was pregnant as I was like why didn't he want to introduce any protection but then I should have and I know that know. I wasn't on pill or anything as I didn't need to be I didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't having sex with anyone before he came along.

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Applepoop · 31/12/2024 01:01

I would cut contact and brush this all under the carpet. I know that sounds awful, but I’d prioritise not blowing up your life.

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:04

@PennyApril54
He was with her back then
But they had only been together a v short while and then after me they then got married. I was long gone by then and had moved on with my life and my relationships. Crazy stupid bloody thing is I meant her a few times through a sport club but i of course wasn't going to say anything. No one would believe me. She wouldn't have believed me. Plus I don't want to get chucked out of school - which was my fear. My big fear. I had exams to do and exams to pass.

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PennyApril54 · 31/12/2024 01:05

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:01

@Misscloudycat yes. I fell pregnant with his child. Unprotected sex ... not proud of that moment. But then I got really angry when I first found out I was pregnant as I was like why didn't he want to introduce any protection but then I should have and I know that know. I wasn't on pill or anything as I didn't need to be I didn't have a boyfriend and wasn't having sex with anyone before he came along.

None of this is your fault ❤️

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:07

@PennyApril54
I understand why you're saying that. But I should have still protected my body.

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2025hello · 31/12/2024 01:13

It's five months since your first post. What has happened in the last five months? Does he still text daily? Do you respond?

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:17

@2025hello

He would message, or WhatsApp or DM me almost every day

When we were talking it would be a lot of messages a day
But then
I blocked him
But he made different accounts on several social media platforms so I've blocked them also

Got emails to two separate email addresses

In between now and then his wife has sent me a friends request so that's why I'm here again

Something like this doesn't go away he wants me to be his friend so I continue not I say anything

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DaftyLass · 31/12/2024 01:18

It's good that you are blocking him, have you had a chance to go to the police yet

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:20

@Applepoop I have priorities of not blowing up my life and I appreciate you taking the time to help. But every now and then I worry that he is still doing it. I panic.

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Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:22

@DaftyLass me keep blocking him is what I can do. Unless he makes other accounts.

Believe me I want to see the police but once I say it I'm no longer in control.

I just wish he would stop.
I wish he'd apologised to me for taking those years from me

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Notanotherdick · 31/12/2024 01:24

Sorry this sounds so stressful for you- did you go through with the pregnancy back then?

healthybychristmas · 31/12/2024 01:27

I would want to know what his wife has to say. For all you know she has been looking for evidence to get shot of him.

Can you remember whether it was pre-GCSEs? Can you tell from the friends you are with in the photo whether they were in your GCSE or A-level class? I do think it makes a lot of difference and complete disagree with someone up the thread who said that the difference was only a year.

Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:28

@Notanotherdick no long story but I will cut it short, i miscarried at 11 weeks. Those 11 weeks were v v stressful. I didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to do. Of course he didn't. Did stress cause it. I dunno prob. Was it for best? I dunno. He wouldn't have been around but it was heartbreaking at same time as it was part of me. I'd only just got my head around it.

He says now he regrets not being there for me for that. But I don't know if it's just words.

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Original poster

wingliner · 31/12/2024 01:32

@healthybychristmas

I would want to know what his wife has to say. For all you know she has been looking for evidence to get shot of him.

Can you remember whether it was pre-GCSEs? Can you tell from the friends you are with in the photo whether they were in your GCSE or A-level class? I do think it makes a lot of difference and complete disagree with someone up the thread who said that the difference was only a year.

That's part of my problem I want to know what his wife wants. I want to hear what she says.
Maybe she wants shot of him.

I remember it was a trip and the trip had people on who didn't stay for 6th form so year 10/11. But I can't imagine a random trip before such important exams. Def was a-level. For reasons I've said above.
The year is the difference

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