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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Out of interest, what would you do if your long term dp spat in your face?

164 replies

Namechanged11111 · 02/08/2024 00:24

Just that really? 😞

OP posts:
Codlingmoths · 02/08/2024 00:25

we’d be done. I couldn’t recover from that anymore than I could from him punching me.

DaftyLass · 02/08/2024 00:26

I wouldn't accept it, that would be the last moment we were a couple.
I would not accept any abuse, threatening behaviour, or deception.

TonyeKnausgaard · 02/08/2024 00:26

I'd leave. That's unforgivable.

RosieS22 · 02/08/2024 00:26

I would not stand for that at all. Sorry OP.

Noshadealltea · 02/08/2024 00:27

I’d leave. No looking back. Vile

PeachBear · 02/08/2024 00:27

I'd leave. That's disgusting.

BearFacedCheek · 02/08/2024 00:28

I’d leave. No coming back from that. It’s also assault.
Edit - according to a link I tried to post
https://www.westyorkshire.police.uk/ask-the-police/question/Q145

Namechangejust · 02/08/2024 00:28

Run away..absolutely revolting!

xTheLoudLeaderx · 02/08/2024 00:28

Me and my partner had talked how spitting was the lowest form.

Months later he spat on me, I couldn't believe it. The next day we was both in shock. We moved on but he did it again... its vile.

SamW98 · 02/08/2024 00:28

The same as I would do if he punched me - I’d pack his bags and tell him to leave otherwise I’d call police and report him for assault

Ratfinkstinkypink · 02/08/2024 00:29

There would be no coming back from that for me. I am so sorry he's done that to you..

GreenIvyy · 02/08/2024 00:29

Are you ok op?

TayceOnToast · 02/08/2024 00:35

Wow. So sorry that has happened to you.

I would be shocked, confused, livid.

The only thing I can think I would want to do immediately is create as much distance as possible between him and myself as soon as possible so I could get some perspective on the situation and make an informed decision about what to do next.

Doubleender · 02/08/2024 00:37

Depends on the moment. Was it a hawk tuah with some meaning behind it?

Screamingabdabz · 02/08/2024 00:38

Spitting at someone is actually a crime. Common assault I believe. Leave and don’t look back.

FiveShelties · 02/08/2024 00:39

He would never get the chance to do it again.

Original poster
Namechanged11111 · 02/08/2024 00:39

First time for everything I suppose.

16 years. Never punched, but pushed and prodded. Tonight he looked at me with absolute hatred and spat in my face.

Went off in his car, then spent all night texting me how awful I am and he was going to kill himself.

I didn’t respond (the flouncing out with threats of suicide every time he has a temper are common).

But to be spat at!!

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 02/08/2024 00:40

I would end the relationship. It’s a disgusting, disrespectful thing to do, I would not want to be in any sort of relationship with someone who could do that.

Original poster
Namechanged11111 · 02/08/2024 00:43

But don’t you all realise, it’s my fault! I pushed him to do it.

He honestly believes that to be the case. Because I am a ‘stupid cunt and I should shut the fuck up’

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 02/08/2024 00:43

I'm sorry that happened to you. How disgusting and disrespectful. From your latest update he's been abusive towards you a long time.

I'd tell him to leave. There would be no going back from that.

The suicide threats are abusive too, very controlling.

HappyToSmile · 02/08/2024 00:43

The spitting would be the end of it for sure.
However, this seems to be just one more thing added to his list if he pushes and prods, "flounces out", threatens suicide and sends abusive texts when you argue.
What is stopping you from ending this?

TayceOnToast · 02/08/2024 00:44

Pushing and prodding is not ok

”Never punched” ….yet

His behaviour is escalating

You are not safe

Get out of the relationship as soon as you can, as safely as you can

We’re here to support you

Prontehpronto · 02/08/2024 00:44

That's really horrible he did that to you, no excuse obviously but what led up to that moment? As you should be but you seem really sad about it, you should be angry, what he did is a reflection of how horrible he is as a person not on you or your character. Do you have family or friends you can stay with, i don't know what I would do, it depends on your situation, he will prob go on to more abusive stuff honestly, very easy for us to say but you should leave or if its your place ask him to leave, I would make sure someone knows you are doing that so if it escalates they can be near by or with you. Really horrible to go through, I'm very sorry you went through this, he did it to debase you so he doesn't love you, leave and move on if you can,so sorry

avignon1234 · 02/08/2024 00:45

Get your ducks in a row financially and practically, unless you feel you are in immediate danger. And then move on, leaving little, if any contact. Nobody deserves to be spat on (nor have some of the other things you describe).

Doingmybest12 · 02/08/2024 00:45

I'm sorry OP, but that's something that's so disrespectful, humiliating and aggressive. It's so far removed from what should be your reality. Please find the strength to end your relationship.