Just found my partner...on badoo

[FeelingLost86]

I'm sitting on the sofa In tears... I just found badoo messages pop up on my partners phone (he's asleep in bed)
He's been on there on and off since August last year... even around November when my nan passed away... even messages over Xmas
This isn't the first time either and I don't know what to do, I don't know why I stick around, I love him but I hate him

What am I going to do.
I was so tempted to just wake him up and kick him out now
(I was looking for his keys to take the door key off him) but can't see where he's put them
So maybe do that in morning... his alarm is usually set for 5am for work...

I'm just feeling so lost.
I've took him back again and again and I'm worried I will again (I'm weak) as I can't be on my own and start again...

Well you need to choose between constant heartbreak and not being alone. I can’t ever understand why some of us choose to break our own hearts than sit on the lovely throne of singleness (which often times helps in gain confidence to the point that we won’t put up with BS).

I hate to break it to you, but he won’t stop cos you’ve taken him back and told him it’s ok to disrespect you OP even when you were grieving. You chose to put up with it.
why are you even letting him sleep when you’ve seen such messages. Chuck a 🪣 of water on him and ask him to leave … Stop breaking your own heart and devaluing yourself over a meaningless relationship.

Why do you think it’s better to be with a lying cheating piece of shit than be single?

Every time you take him back, you’re telling him it’s ok to treat you like crap and you’ll forgive him.

He won’t change so you have to decide if having a scum bag in your bed is worth the shit he puts you through.

There’s only one answer imo

You deserve better. Imagine how much happier you could be with someone else.

I know it's so, so hard to leave. But think of what it would be like to actually be with somebody that respects you!

Pick your self esteem up off the floor.

Get a therapist and leave him.

The amount of times I've been called a cheat by him over the years too. And with his drinking... there's been so much shit.
I know no one else would have him and put up with him. I don't know why I do..

Usually I would just wake him up and kick him out

Even last week he was in a hotel for 4 nights after an argument which he was nasty for days
It's not like he even tries to make it better

I just know splitting up will be draining. We have so much stuff together
He owes my mum thousands which she won't get back now

I don't know why but I will feel sorry for him, will end up in hotels, costing more money, prob drink more and if he loses his job... etc
Even tho its not my fault
Just been such a shame and wasted 4 years
He's gone from nothing, shared houses n no money to getting his driving licence back, job, hgv, holidays all sorts

Just for him to throw it away

What @H112 said.

I can guarantee you that you WILL feel infinitely better once you've given him his marching orders.

Finding and shoring up your self esteem ought to be your Number One priority.

Read this: The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, by Nathaniel Barden.

If you already feel sad that you've wasted 4 years on someone who doesn't treat you the way you deserve (IE with kindness and respect) then think how sad you'll feel if you stay with him then look back and wonder how you've wasted 5, 6, 7, 8 years etc.
It might be hard, but it will be worth it

Is badoo a booty call app? Castration while he sleeps is the only option.

You are not responsible for him OP - he is responsible for his own actions. If he drinks more or loses his job then that is HIS doing - not because you decided to not put up with his shit anymore. You can do better and deserve better.

"He's gone from nothing, shared houses n no money to getting his driving licence back, job, hgv, holidays all sorts"

That's probably in the four years when you have been his partner. So now he's back on his feet, you don't have to worry about what he will do if you call it a day.

From the sound of it, your Mum is very unlikely to get her thousands back. And even then, its not a reason for you to continue in a relationship that is making you so miserable. Dont let her lend him any more money.

You say he was really nasty to you only last week and moved out for four days to go to a hotel.

Keep looking for the keys.

That's his issue not yours. Get rid off him. You deserve better and can do better. He will constantly be on these dating sites first me nothing will ever change! He's scum. He clearly don't give a shit about you or your feelings as he's done it many times before. Tomorrow morning you tell him you're done.

Personally I would sack the relationship.

But you are not ready to. So I am afraid you are going to have to accept that this is as good as it gets with him. He isn't changing. That is how it will be. If you want to stay with him you will have to accept your lot. But please don't. He is going to get worse, you are facilitating that.

When he does talk dont let him blindside you. My partner was on tinder while he was on holiday, he came back and i knew id seen the app but he hid it on the lase page of his home screen then one day like you a notification came through. He swarmed me with lies and how he just wanted to look back at a message - stupid I know ! what i should have asked was what exactly did he want to look at.

At the end of the day if your partner is on a dating site that are looking for attention. if you wouldnt do it to them it hurts to see them doing it so casually. Horrible !!

You have a lot of life left. Four years is nothing in comparison to how you'll feel in 10 years time, or 20, or 30.

I'm a very emotional person
I've done a lot of crying, but tried to keep a level head
He was still asleep on the bed and then saw the keys, so took the house key off

In the morning when he goes to work, I might say something or just let him go, lock the door and message him,

When it usually happens, it gets nasty, I usually get the blame obviously, so I'm trying to keep calm this time.
I usually get the usual, I want my rent money back, I want half what I paid for tv or bed or anything he can think of, then the usual thing is he's not going to pay anyone else back but yet he wants what's 'his' so know this is going to get messy.. so I'm trying to stay calm even tho how heartbroken I am yet again.

Oh and it's never cheating, it's only messages haha!

In the morning when he goes to work, I might say something or just let him go, lock the door and message him

Yes, do that.

And pack up his stuff. Can you have someone with you when he comes to collect it? Or send it by taxi to wherever he ends up staying.

Stop letting this dude treat you like this. He's treating you like you are nothing because you are allowing him to!

Why are you so scared to be single that you will tolerate this pathetic sack of shit? Have some self respect & boot this loser & don't look back.

Please, OP, get some counseling to figure out WHY you're willing to be treated so horribly by this inadequate excuse for a man. There is nothing normal about any of this.

The classic messages... bore off. Use what i went through and ask why he needed to check messages on BADOO ?!

I'm also having a crap night, my partner thinks its okay to screen shot memories of his ex on facebook to send to her - but its okay because he was going to send the memory to her but stopped himself because he knows it wrong - this is the one who was on tinder last year ... he's just come downstairs to ask if i want to go to bed... which i replied i would love to go to bed but the problem is you're in it.

All men definitely are NOT the same, but i'm sure boyfriends on tinder are
w
a
n
k

and there is no excuse.

He has so much stuff, we rent two garages too as do markets/car boot sales, he has a trailer tent and we both bought a cheap caravan to do up
(He's the one who has a tow bar)
So got commitments to pay/store them
And the amount of clothes and items I can see this being a long process.. and isn't going to be nice..
I'm just dreading it. Who gets what, who's paying etc

Tried to pack up his stuff before and get the usual, I'm calling the police as I'm not letting him get his stuff, or I've stolen it or whatever he decides to blame on me
(Plus the fact I've got arthritis and struggle anyway)

I'm just glad I got the key, I work late on Friday and it would have been a worry what I'll come home to if he still had the key

This was my first relationship, and I obviously didn't know any better
I was a late bloomer, too nervous to meet anyone I took the first one who I met/showed interest in me. (I know, lame)

😂

You love him but you hate him.

Hate isn’t the opposite of love, @FeelingLost86
Not giving a shit is. Not caring if he’s on some scummy dating site. Finally getting to the point where you honestly don’t care whether or not he’s out drinking & whoring around, because you. don’t. care. any. more.
If he’s truly this awful, then be done with him. Have the courage and respect for yourself to put him out and keep him out.
I’ve repeated it often, but listen up:

Don’t love anyone who treats you like you’re ordinary.
—Oscar Wilde

Usually I would just wake him up and kick him out

It is not normal to have a usually like this! Ot is not normal to need to occasionally throw your partner out. It sounds a totally shit dynamic where he is a bully. What do you get out of this apart from drama? The stuff doesn’t matter- stop buying, give it all to him, whatever. Just get him out your life and start living it on your terms. Being alone is WAY better than this.