Just found my partner...on badoo

[FeelingLost86]

I'm sitting on the sofa In tears... I just found badoo messages pop up on my partners phone (he's asleep in bed)
He's been on there on and off since August last year... even around November when my nan passed away... even messages over Xmas
This isn't the first time either and I don't know what to do, I don't know why I stick around, I love him but I hate him

What am I going to do.
I was so tempted to just wake him up and kick him out now
(I was looking for his keys to take the door key off him) but can't see where he's put them
So maybe do that in morning... his alarm is usually set for 5am for work...

I'm just feeling so lost.
I've took him back again and again and I'm worried I will again (I'm weak) as I can't be on my own and start again...

Time to find your self respect.

Consider the years and the money and the false hopes you've spent on this utter waste of space to be a very valuable lesson in how not to choose a man.

There's four billion of them on the planet. This one's a dud. He will never change.

Screenshot all the messages. Keep looking for the keys.

You are worth more than this.

@FeelingLost86 if you have two lock-ups you need to rationalise things so your stuff is in one and his in another somehow. Or remove yours to the house and then you are not stopping his access but he can’t access your stuff. Or put his stuff in the caravan etc.

In response to messages - one response “your stuff is in the lockups/van, I have dropped the keys with XX, you owe Mum £xxxx please make arrangements to pay her monthly” then block.

He won’t report you to RSPCA and you have nothing to hide anyway. But consider reporting him to the police. You deserve so much more.

Being alone is better than being desperate for a man who cheats on you all of the time. And owes your mum money!

Come on is this how you envisioned your life? Be strong!

Every time you feel weak message on here!

If he owes your mum thousands, which you've already said you won't be getting back, whenever he tells you you owe him for something, tell him to knock it off what he owes your mum. Conversation over. Don't engage with him further.

He sounds like a utter loser.

This, @FeelingLost86 .

I hope you're going to find the strength to get rid of this cheater who is adding nothing of value to your life!

How's it going OP?

I'm coping... just about
He's apologised as per. He was drunk (what for, a year) ha
If I ask something he just completely ignores what I say and turns it on him, so selfish
Been at work tonight so been a bit of a distraction even tho I just wanted to go home

Please dont take him back - he’ll be nice so he can get back to your home.

You can either be alone, calm, in control, free to meet someone or you can keep going with this emotionally draining, abusive cycle with him. The first option is the better one. What has he to offer anyway? Nothing by sound of it. I guess he’s lovely sometimes - when he wants something….

Honestly you are worth more, please see that

Please stay strong Feelinglost, you know in your heart you are doing the right thing. Whatever sadness you feel will pass and be replaced by the joy of being free from a person who hurts you. You are worth so much more than that. Block every contact method for him, delete his numbers too.
Have you told your friends / family what has happened? Do you have someone to support you through the low times?

How's things OP?

Been out with family for lunch today which was nice
He picked up some stuff the other day, left them outside and he got them so didn't see him

He messages still, one min he is sorry, then it's 'only messages' so not cheating
Even tho he called her beautiful, swapped numbers, called her etc and been there on and off a year...

Then bought up about a friend I had in the past before I met him, and he's like how do I know you aren't still speaking to him, why don't you go speak to him or someone and we can be even

I mean I get accused of stuff anyway even when I haven't done anything
He doesn't trust me... yet he says he does
I took my auntie out to the garden centre the other day as work cancelled my shift.. he didn't even believe that.

Do t even tell him what you are doing. Well done for getting him out. Don’t look back, he will keep digging g away. Block him

Yeah I'm not telling him what I'm up to
I'm staying strong
It's the fact that he justifys it. Saying it was only talking. Or saying I'm the one with my phone on silent or saying he hasn't stopped me talking to others
Makes me.realise he's not even really sorry, or doesn't fully understand how I'm feeling or what it's done to me

So he won't change. As it hasn't sunk in to him
If he was upset, sorry, being nice, begging for forgiveness etc I might have caved in by now
So it's a good job he's still being the way he is

Block him. Don't give him any more space. He has treated you so badly for so long.

Stop talking to him. It doesn’t matter what he’s accusing you of - it’s irrelevant. Block him unless you really want to give him a way back.

You will cave because he will find a way. You e already said if he was nice you might cave. BLOCK! Pick your self worth up off the floor and put it on the highest shelf.

He is blocked on everything he can be... still get emails tho.
I know I need to stop replying

You can block emails too, you know - just block his email address. It’s easy.

He owes my mum thousands which she won't get back now

If I were your mum, I'd want you safe and happy, and away from this horrible man. Sod the money.

It is far better to be single than with a toxic bastard like him. Gather your courage, and leave him.

That was a great idea; continue doing it differently. If you haven't confronted him, don't. Stay somewhere else and leave him locked out. Better for him to be angry at the locked doors than to confront you.

Please stop taking this treatment! PLEASE! The only one who can stop this cycle and get you out of the turmoil is YOU!

If I was your mum, I'd rather lose the money than continue watching you suffer living in this nightmare. It is a heartbreaking experience, seeing your child hurt and disrespected, over and over again.

My therapist told me "We accept the love we think we deserve." Is this really what you think your life should be? Do you really think you don't deserve better?

If you do, you're so very wrong! ❤

Now I've had a message saying he doesn't want to live anymore as hasn't got me and how he's messed up and he's an idiot and is sat there crying and he's a waste of space and loves me and always will
And he will end it for me

Is that just attention seeking?
It's about his feelings isn't it not mine...

Ignore and block. Emotional blackmail is really scummy.

Playing the victim emotional blackmail - it’s the abusers script.

Block him on every form of communication and don’t respond to him

You haven't blocked him so it doesn't sound like you really want to end it OP? The more you engage the more likely you'll let him back in to your life again. You really need to work on your self esteem. Sorry I can't offer any real advice. My mum emotionally blackmailed me with threats of throwing herself in the canal. She never did, but it's a cruel way of trying to manipulate someone. Don't fall for it, the threats don't come from a place of love.

The manipulative bastard. I’ll bet you 10 million pounds he will not top himself. If you’re really worried call the police on 101 and ask them to do a welfare check on your ex boyfriend as he’s threatening suicide. And again - BLOCK. If you don’t block him he will keep whining and wheedling at you. He’s a cheating abusive lying arsehole who knows exactly how to wrap you round his little finger - don’t let him reel you back in. You deserve better x