Just found my partner...on badoo

[FeelingLost86]

I'm sitting on the sofa In tears... I just found badoo messages pop up on my partners phone (he's asleep in bed)
He's been on there on and off since August last year... even around November when my nan passed away... even messages over Xmas
This isn't the first time either and I don't know what to do, I don't know why I stick around, I love him but I hate him

What am I going to do.
I was so tempted to just wake him up and kick him out now
(I was looking for his keys to take the door key off him) but can't see where he's put them
So maybe do that in morning... his alarm is usually set for 5am for work...

I'm just feeling so lost.
I've took him back again and again and I'm worried I will again (I'm weak) as I can't be on my own and start again...

Half the time he was the nicest person tho. I miss the nice part of him.
I miss the fun, the company, all the things we did, I miss the loving side of him. Someone I could really be myself around and who got me.

He's the best and the worst in one
I just wish he could have seen what he was doing and had a wake up call to know how his actions effect me

I just miss him, or the good part of him .

Stay strong OP!

Unfortunately there's a cycle for many when it comes to excusing bad partners, of thinking 'if only they would (or, I could get them to) understand why their hurtful behaviour is hurtful'. It's common in abusive relationships for example.

But they DO understand. Its us that need to understand, that they just don't care. They also minimise what they've done and try to make us feel we don't have the right to be hurt by it. Because that's what shit people do rather than stop being shit.

Im sorry but there is no 'nice' him. Nice people never behave as he has. But nasty people, often PRREND to be nice. That's how you know how to spot a shit person. Theres some things that decent people just don't really do, let alone try to excuse afterwards or gaslight you about it.

It's like dating an actor thinking that he is the roles he plays in his films. He might play a good guy role but at the end of the day if he's a habitual cheater and liar, abuser, fraud or general asshole then he.is.not.good.in.any.capacity.

You need to take charge of this. Tell him you will be putting his stuff outside on x day on your way out and it needs to be gone before you get back. Don't let him string you along.

He's just messaged asking if any post has come and is sending me some money tomorrow
Fingers crossed things will settle down and can be civil and work together

I don't think you need to work together. I think you need to put his stuff out for him and draw a line/ block him. Painful but less painful than letting it drag on.

Please don’t ’work together’ if it means you’ll weaken and give him yet another chance - stay strong!

Op he doesn't want to be civil and work together. He.means.you.harm.

He may be returning to the love bombing stage to try con you back.

But he still hates you. Never forget that.
Don't work with him just stay the fuck away from him. Return the post to sender or leave it with his stuff.

I repeat op he knows his horrible behaviour is horrible. He knows it hurts you. And going forwards it will be MEANT to hurt you.

I know this really hurts to believe but until you do, there will always be a risk you take him back.

I'd text 'you can collect your stuff from the doorstep on thursday at 7 or Saturday at 4. Which one works best for you? If you do not collect them, they will be sent to good will'.

Do not try to be nice or kind or compromising. They see that as weakness and they exploit and attack weakness.

OP please be careful.
He may say be civil and work together.
And you talk about his "nice" side.

But. If you accept this, once things settle down, his resentment over you standing up to him will re emerge and the nice personality will vanish once again.

No OP.
You need to block him and move on.
or you’ll be back here in 3 years in the exact same position again

Wow its been a month now,
A month without actually speaking or seeing him

Good. This man is awful for you, and an unpleasant human being to boot. Tell him when you are putting his crap out - don’t wait for him to dictate to you. He clearly isn’t missing you the way you are missing him.

Well done - keep strong!

Single is better than being with this type of knobhead

Know your worth.

How are you feeling now?

It's still hard... have days where I'm crying like mad and can't stop
But getting less often now
I gave him a deadline to get his stuff, he hasn't even mentioned it.
He's got about 2 weeks left now. I'll have to remind him and tell him it will be got rid of if he doesn't come collect it

Stick to that OP

Yes you absolutely must keep to that. Keep the evidence of all the times you said it. No second chances. If he asks for an extension be firm. Say you’ve given him plenty of warning and if he wants his stuff after that date go to Oxfam to get it back. He either collects it himself, gets a friend to collect it to look after it for him or it goes.

He will call you every name under the sun. He will use emotional blackmail. You will feel terrible. This is textbook. Expect it and work through it. Be strong.

It's been a while @FeelingLost86 how are you doing? ❤️❤️