Just found my partner...on badoo

[FeelingLost86]

I'm sitting on the sofa In tears... I just found badoo messages pop up on my partners phone (he's asleep in bed)
He's been on there on and off since August last year... even around November when my nan passed away... even messages over Xmas
This isn't the first time either and I don't know what to do, I don't know why I stick around, I love him but I hate him

What am I going to do.
I was so tempted to just wake him up and kick him out now
(I was looking for his keys to take the door key off him) but can't see where he's put them
So maybe do that in morning... his alarm is usually set for 5am for work...

I'm just feeling so lost.
I've took him back again and again and I'm worried I will again (I'm weak) as I can't be on my own and start again...

And do you know what? He is an idiot and a waste of space. At least he’s honest about that if nothing else.

And if he loved you he wouldn’t be cheating on you, and he certainly wouldn’t be on dating apps.

Block him, on every platform. You can mark his emails as spam, or set them up to go into a seperate folder not your inbox. If you are still gettting messages that he doesn't want to live without you, he's not blocked.

Reply and say that you don't want to hear any further from him, and any more communication will be taken as harrassment. Any threats of ending his life and you'll call the emergency services to his location to assist him.

You are at a fork in the road here where you need to choose. Choose yourself.

That’s emotional blackmail . You are not responsible for his actions.

Call the police. They'll check on him and he'll be too embarrassed to pretend again.

3 days after I left my ex, he sent a voice mail of him screaming and crying, revving his car and driving at speed then silence. He always threatened me that he would kill himself in a car crash if I didn't do what he wanted.

The prat is still alive.

Actually, you could also ask the police to have a word with him to stop harassing you. They can phone and ask him without taking it further.

He is blocked on WhatsApp and phone (both phones, he has 2)
I have marked some emails as spam but still coming thru
I haven't replied to earlier messages maybe that's why he sent it as not getting any more replies and attention (so I posted here instead)

When we last argued and he stayed away a week or two ago I had the police at my door at 1am to do a welfare check on him, I told them a few hotels he might be at. Think he was drunk and called the police. So If he this bad as he says he can call them
I don't know where he Is now tho, further away in different hotel he said

marking email junk is not blocking. you need to block his email and also call the police and tell them he is threatening suicide. let them deal with him. and while you are at it report him to them for harassment.

Mega head messing manipulation. Attention seeking .

He isn’t getting the attention he is use too .
When you split he lets you “calm” down and knows he can go back and he can continue as he was. .

You have to stay strong and for the long haul this time .

He is projecting his bad behaviours on you and using threatening techniques to get to you .
I want money , I want possession, I want you to answer me or I am calling emergency services.

call women’s aid Tomorrow for support .
Emotional abuse is what this is OP

He is a dangerous , manipulative and disturbed man @FeelingLost86 .

Do not take him back. Stop answering his emails, texts or any other messages.

All these controlling abusive types say they will kill themselves and they never do.

My ex has been doing the same to various women since 1990. He’s still alive and well 🙄

Threatening to harm himself is absolute textbook procedure from the coercive controller's handbook.

He's having a meltdown because he's lost control over you.

Think of these people as being like vampires. They feed on their victims and when their supply is withheld they go into a rage and will try anything to get at it.

Classic emotional blackmail tactics like this are sadly well known to so many women here.

It's All. About. Control.

Recognise it and him for what they are.

If he tries it again, call the police and say he is threatening self harm and needs help. The responsibility for his wellbeing is entirely in his hands, and theirs. You are NOT responsible for him. Trying to make you think you have no choice and it's your fault is what they do.

Read this article on recognising domestic abuse from the women's aid website:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/recognising-domestic-abuse/

He is doing what has worked for him in the past. He is expecting you to give in and take him back, and he is positioning himself as the victim. He is manipulating your feelings to get what he wants. If you take him back, he will "behave himself" to reward your decision and reinforce that it was you being unreasonable to kick him out in the first place, shift attention from the behaviour that he displayed that caused you to kick him out for a while, and then the whole cycle will start again when he feels his feet are safely back under the table.

Get some support from Womens Aid you can chat to them online. You can do this.

Hey great, once he's dead you can sell all his stuff and keep the money, give some to your mum. Except he probably won't kill himself going by the stories on here.

Been a week or nearly 2 now and I'm trying to stay strong

Feeling a bit low tho now and again, especially days I don't hear from him
I wonder what he's doing, where he's staying, has he met anyone else etc
I know it's silly

Think that sometimes it's good when I do hear from him... as he's still an arse and nothings changed and I'm reminded how he makes me feel

Just wish I could switch off my brain sometimes

You're doing so well @FeelingLost86

How good would it be if we had a switch, even in a part of our brain that we could switch off for some peace and quiet. Just until you know it's safe to switch it back on again.

But don't worry, we'll be your cheerleaders when you're having a wobble.

Keep going. Keep busy. Keep blocking. You can do this. 😘💐

Hang in there! He so doesn't deserve you. Good times are ahead!

You're doing so well. Have a look at the Freedom programme online. You'll recognise him as the abuser that he is.
You deserve so much more than him
Keep strong x

This dude has so many issues he could open a kiosk and make some serious money.
I don’t think much matters now besides your safety.
— I’ve had two members of my family take their own lives, @FeelingLost86and they didn’t talk about it, they never threatened to do it, they just did it. Because if they talked about it, we all would’ve stopped them. He’s gaslighting you. —

Run run run he’s the gingerbread man!

Your post broke my heart. Especially the bit about trying to have your rabbits taken off you, calling an ambulance etc. He is an abuser plain and simple. A gaslighter, a bully. Classic move trying to frame it back around on you.

You’re doing the right thing. Keep going!

You really really need to block him. It looks like you’re still hoping he’ll have a personality transplant and come back in shining armour to sweep you off your feet. In reality, if you take him back you’re just signing up for more abuse.

For crying out loud another scared to be alone, you will be treated the way you because you let it happen

And stop looking at other people's phones then getting upset rinse and repeat

And this is harsh but less than I feel like writing

Today I've struggled so much, and cried a lot and I know it doesn't make sense

He's found somewhere to live and moving in this weekend
And he said himself it isn't going to work

I'm actually upset.
I know it's silly. But I do miss him
I miss the good times, we had so much in common and had a lot of happy memories too
It's quite hard to accept its actually over for good.
Because I know we've been in this cycle a lot of times before.

Even tho I know deep down its the right thing. I'm mourning what we had when it was good
I even think he's moved on. Maybe thats for the best and might make me accept it more

I know it's stupid that I still want to be friends as I did love him and enjoyed the good stuff we did .....

This is the turning point OP. You've done the hard bit, this is the emotional slump and after you've nailed this bit you'll be golden. Keep going! It only gets better from here

I just can't stop crying
He's the first relationship and person I ever loved and its hard to see the other side of it at the moment

Didn't think I would hear him say it isn't working either
I know I need to remind myself of the bad stuff, maybe read the bad messages

Even today he said it isn't going to work as it's all about me and when I tried to talk he said I've heard all you've got to say you never listen to what I have

I am nieve to think it could end nicely or still be friends
It's because I miss the good stuff
And he's the worst person to message
But usually face to face he's different