Want to take my dc away on my own

[Ragrugflowerdots]

I’m in a tricky and slightly unusual position I think. I’ve been with DP for three years - he has a dc and I have 2dc. We have never attempted to ‘blend’ I see him without his dc and he sees me without mine. The dc have only met a handful of times. My eldest dc does not like his dc and tbh I’ve been quite clear that I don’t want to try and blend them together as I rarely think it works.

I earn more than DP and I also had a sizeable amount of money from my divorce. I had an inheritance also and now own my own home - I know I am really really lucky to be able to do this.
DP is nowhere near as ‘well off’ financially and it does sometimes raise its head that he and his dc are hard done by compared to mine.

He is taking his dc away for a week in the UK this summer. I wasn’t going to take mine away as I have been unwell but I have been feeling better the last few months and I am wondering whether i might be able to book a week / ten nights somewhere. I’d like to take them abroad. My eldest is 16 and probably won’t want to come with me for so much longer.

The thing is I know my DP will kick off about it because he will see it as unfair that I can afford to do this with my dc and he can’t. I don’t know if I should give him some money? It is unfair, I agree. He wouldn’t come with us as he will have his dc over the time I am looking to go.

Im not really sure what to do about the financial disparity when we are in no way blended. I could just take mine in the UK. That would cause less upset I think.

Any ideas?

I can understand him being embarrassed that he can’t match his holiday with yours but it doesn’t mean that you should downgrade your holiday. He needs to suck it up or split up with you if income disparity is an issue.

Presumably your kids get more expensive birthday and Christmas gifts than his, so what happens there ? Does he demand that you and your ex spend less? This holiday issue is the same thing imo. As the kids don’t meet up, presumably they are unaware of each other’s holidays unless your partner says stuff like @Ragrugflowerdots is in France this week on holiday.

Honestly OP why are you with a man so eaten up with bitterness and resentment because you’re on a position to huge your children a good life?

What does this man add positively to your life?

Just laugh in his face and do what you want. Well done on not letting him move in with you.

He is quite bitter generally I think. Speaks about other people he works with who can afford different things and he feels quite hard done by.
His dc won’t need to know mine have gone on holiday abroad but he’ll likely tell him.

It’s true that money doesn’t buy happiness but it does buy choices and allows a certain amount of ease. It hasn’t always been that way for me so I am very grateful and appreciative of being in this position now.

I agree with everyone else. Go on the holiday and take your kids!

And don't tip toe around him - if you act like it's no big deal then it's harder for him to kick off. If you start apologising and making it clear you're worried about his reaction he'll feel emboldened to carry on. And tbh if he does kick off just ignore him - luckily you don't live together so he can sulk in his own home!

Omg you don’t need to give him any money!! Enjoy a holiday abroad with your children. He sounds like an entitled brat

I'd let that one kick off right down the road if I'm honest...go your well deserved holiday with your DC.

His financial situation is not your fault or your problem.
If he kicks off then just dump him

He is quite bitter generally I think. Speaks about other people he works with who can afford different things and he feels quite hard done by.

That’s a very unappealing personality trait.

This He is a boyfriend not partner so go where you want on holiday. Be different if you lived together and had shared finances.

You know that relationships are not supposed to be like this OP? You're a grown woman and a parent and you should be able to book whatever holiday you want without him kicking off.

I know. Quite bizarre, really. I’d never place anyone above my children. Never.

Op, you are not dating a man. You are dating a petulant child.

Please take your children in a lovely vacation and find a new man when you get home

I don’t think it’s right that his reaction features in your decision making about the type of holiday you and your dc have together.

if you and they would enjoy going abroad then don’t deny your kids and yourself from that experience because of how he might react.

@Ragrugflowerdots 6 replies and counting and you are not answering the question everyone is asking - why are you with this utter shite of a man? Is it because you don’t think you can cope cope without one? You have gone from a divorce that you came out of feeling like you couldn’t do anything alone to a long term relationship with a man who tried to curtail your joy in life because he is bitter about your wealth. This is concerning and you deserve and should want more for yourself.

If he’s a keeper then surely there’ll be a chance for you to have nice holidays together in future.

“He is quite bitter generally I think. Speaks about other people he works with who can afford different things and he feels quite hard done by.“

Whatever you do, OP, after THE HOLIDAY ABROAD,i.e ( I hope you actually do go ) , please do NOT marry this person.

Go on holiday with your kids and enjoy your time together. Make memories while you can because life is short. Ultimately, people have to cut their cloth accordingly. I can only afford a Butlins holiday during term time but I don't begrudge others. I certainly wouldn't begrudge someone I profess to love anything especially when it's not my business and isn't costing me anything. Don't restrict your opportunities because of his financial situation or limit yourself (your not financially linked or responsible for him) . If he loves you he'll take pleasure in your happiness and be proud of you for doing things out of the ordinary.

Omg, you have only been together 3 years, you aren't living together, you aren't married. His family is not your responsibility. I guess you could gift them a Costa voucher. But perhaps don't as it might set expectations.

Your priority is your family.

I think I might think about the relationship too. The fact that you are worrying about him kicking off, that doesn't sound very loving OP.

Get some self-respect and leave this arsehole.

He sounds like a jealous knob head. Go on your holiday and enjoy it. You aren't responsible for his finances. Dump him.

Just go on the holiday and reconsider this relationship as it doesn’t sound that good .

The two of us work well together and it’s good when it is just us.
I think his desire to blend is greater than mine - maybe that is part of the problem. That I love him and want him in my life but he’s only part of my life - not all of it. I enjoy spending time with my friends, family and dc also. I also like my work.
Sometimes I think the envy comes from my life being fuller maybe?

I really enjoy doing things with my dc and we have had some adventures since I left their dad. They are good kids. They aren’t demanding and are easy company. I get a buzz from finding I can do things on my own with them. I increase in confidence every time I do something new. I know that’s pathetic but that’s how it feels.

i know it’s hard to see the full picture from an online thread but he seems like quite a nasty man. You say he’s bitter. He will deliberately tell his children about your holiday for what reason? To point out to them that they aren’t going somewhere quite as nice? So they also feel bitter? Of course he wants to blend families more than you- you are mortgage free and living what he sees as a very nice lifestyle. He (possibly) would be one of those men that would move it and do no chores (it’s your house), pay minimum bills/rent and enjoy you running around after him. Don’t let your low self esteem/recent mental health issues make you stay with a man like that. You deserve better. You deserve to be part of a team, not constantly on tiptoes because you are worried about offending him. And definitely don’t give him money!