Want to take my dc away on my own

[Ragrugflowerdots]

I’m in a tricky and slightly unusual position I think. I’ve been with DP for three years - he has a dc and I have 2dc. We have never attempted to ‘blend’ I see him without his dc and he sees me without mine. The dc have only met a handful of times. My eldest dc does not like his dc and tbh I’ve been quite clear that I don’t want to try and blend them together as I rarely think it works.

I earn more than DP and I also had a sizeable amount of money from my divorce. I had an inheritance also and now own my own home - I know I am really really lucky to be able to do this.
DP is nowhere near as ‘well off’ financially and it does sometimes raise its head that he and his dc are hard done by compared to mine.

He is taking his dc away for a week in the UK this summer. I wasn’t going to take mine away as I have been unwell but I have been feeling better the last few months and I am wondering whether i might be able to book a week / ten nights somewhere. I’d like to take them abroad. My eldest is 16 and probably won’t want to come with me for so much longer.

The thing is I know my DP will kick off about it because he will see it as unfair that I can afford to do this with my dc and he can’t. I don’t know if I should give him some money? It is unfair, I agree. He wouldn’t come with us as he will have his dc over the time I am looking to go.

Im not really sure what to do about the financial disparity when we are in no way blended. I could just take mine in the UK. That would cause less upset I think.

Any ideas?

Oh god OP just end it yourself.

@Ragrugflowerdots

I am anticipating he’ll end things / block me again but this time I’ll just leave it.

I honestly think you need to let him finish it & then just move on.

Please prioritise your children. He's very self absorbed & I can't see how you find his complaining in any way attractive 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your DP sucks the joy out of life. Don't know how you put up with him. Explains why he's no friends, not many would tolerate this behaviour. You get on only because you spend a lot of time on managing his moods. This man is still too bitter about his divorce and of life in general - that should be giving you the ick.
How much simpler and more pleasant would your life be with someone of equal means, or even just less bitter.

@Ragrugflowerdots Surely it's better to be single than to have this prick whining about what a hard life he's got, infecting your life with misery and sucking the joy out of everything. Honestly, you deserve to be happy and have fun. No one should begrudge you that especially not someone who is meant to care about you. Life is short @Ragrugflowerdots live it without fear of what this miserable git and his fucking tantrums. He's an abusive and nasty piece of work.

Why are you so passive in waiting to see if he’ll end it? The power is in your hands. You need to tell him it’s over that this relationship no longer works for you.Can you really not understand that the fact you’re scared to tell your bf that you’re going a nice thing with your children in case he kicks off is abuse?

You're speaking like you’re a spectator in your own life without any control. Has he really worn you down to this point?

Step up OP. Show your kids that you can take control of your own destiny rather than just accepting abuse with a shrug of your shoulders.

He is making you anxious, why can't you see that? Do you ever have any good times with this bloke or do you spend your time with him just trying to make him happy? As SamW98 has said, you are being unbelievably passive. Why are you so bothered about his opinions about where you holiday? He is manipulating you and you are letting him get away with it because you are so concerned with his reaction. Remember he is just a boyfriend, you don't live together, you kids don't get on and he doesn't even like your DC! He a moaning misery with a massive chip on his shoulder who thinks the world owes him.

So he’s starting gently to try to put you off, then ramping it up more and more as you don’t cave.

Book the holiday op please, before he persuades you to change you mind.

Rip the sticking plaster off quickly, it’ll be so much less painful longer term.

Oh my God, why are you putting up with all this self absorbed, negative, self pitying, utter shite. Just bin him yourself and then go on a great holiday to celebrate. Dont wait around for him to bin you - you don’t need to do that.

He sounds more and more narcissistic with every post.

Book that holiday then dump him!

Well @Ragrugflowerdots i can't word this any better than @BananaLambo did. You've stewed over this until you didn't want to say for how long, or where you were going, and he still reacted the same. You might as well have said a months cruise and really given him something to whine over.
Book a lovely trip away, take your DC and enjoy

The emotional blackmail and dynaminc in your relationship sounds really unhealthy.

Please go on holiday with your kids abroad - it a wonderful and freeing and amazing and they and you will benefit from it.

Would you consider some therapy for your self esteem and to consider the dynamic in your relationship? You should really walk away in my opinion - sounds like you are being controlled by your DP and this kind of behaviour will only get worse the more your indulge it

Why do you think this isn't fair?

I suspect he knows that if he ends it this time you will walk away. Which means he will try a different technique to bring you to heel and sabotage your time with your family:

• a 'mental health crisis' just before you go
• a 'financial crisis' that means he needs to borrow money and you can't afford it
• or if you actually go, he calls you incessantly and ruins the holiday.

I wouldn't wait around to see what he has in store for you next.

Why the hell aren’t you ending it? He’s making you feel terrible, you didn’t even properly tell him the truth.

He’s doing this to manipulate you into paying for him too. He wants your money. And if he can’t get that, he wants you as miserable as him.

Honestly, he’s one of the most pathetic men I’ve read about on here.

Please act and ditch him for being so shit, and take your kids to Disneyland.

And take heed of this @Ragrugflowerdots

Why did you even tell him before you booked it when you knew he would be negative? I mean yeah why are you with the guy at all but that’s another story.

I just don’t understand why you didn’t focus on getting the holiday booked and then telling him afterwards. It’s not as if you live together.

please look into some kind of therapy, OP. You need to be stronger for yourself and your kids or you’ll keep attracting people like this in your life.

Just keep repeating to yourself 'his issues are not your problem to fix' 'any loving partner would be so happy you were able to take your dc abroad'

What a fun sponge. It's much more serious than that, imagine taking pleasure in making people miserable.

I used to go on holiday without my partner, now husband.
Do you know what he said. Have a great time I will see you when you get back.
Thats what a partner says. He was happy for me to go on holiday as it made me happy. Not the fun sponge you are hanging on to. Dump him, all he does is make you anxious. Find someone who is happy for you to have fun.

You're updates are heartbreaking op 😢
Please ask yourself honestly why you couldn't just say 'I'm taking the kids abroad for 10 days'? I think the answer is that you were trying to minimise the abuse you would get back. That's totally unacceptable. He will now make it his mission to ruin it for you. You should be spending the next few weeks excited and planning with the kids, instead you'll be anxious and it WILL effect your kids. They will pick up on it hun, no matter how much you try to hide it.
I agree with previous pp about his upcoming mental breakdown or personal disaster!
You've done brilliantly buying a house, a car etc and he has ruined every single positive step you have taken. He doesn't love you op, I'm not sure he's capable of love tbh!
You seem to be waiting for him to get his inheritance and then he will improve. I actually think his behaviour towards you will get worse. He will want to 'get you back' and punish you for all the perceived wrongs you have done him. This is a personality problem, not a financial one.
You don't need a man, but there are some really great guys out there who would give their right arm for a partner like you. Stop apologising for having built a good life, be proud of it.
Have you told friends or family IRL what's going on?

@Ragrugflowerdots
You know what, I bet that you won't book a holiday abroad now but opt for a holiday in the UK instead just to keep him happy. Nothing wrong with a UK holiday BTW but you are going to change your plans just to appease him.
Think about it, you bought a house, he kicked off, you bought a car, he kicked off. You are thinking of going abroad and he is doing the same so you are going to keep him happy. You have had 100s of replies all saying the same thing and you are still dithering about booking it when you should be shopping for holiday clothes. This tells me what you are going to do.

you are not paying attention to the real issue OP. He is not a good partner! and you should get away from him and his poisonous approach to life.

I wonder if you would be scared to end it?

I feel awful for your kids OP, you spoke to them about this holiday and have them all excited for a break abroad, they even mentioned going to Florida, and yet you still haven't booked anything in case Lord Nobhead McBollocks gets his nose out of joint about it all, just dithering about. It was really unfair to your kids to do that, they now know 100% that you will put this guy first.

Please just book that holidays

Yes insuspect you were still hoping that he’d be reasonable. That this was a relationship that could be saved.
But look at his reaction. You’re getting more and more anxious by the day. He has shown you who he is.p before. He is showing who he is again. Sexist and jealous.

Please just book that hols and tell him to get lost. He isn’t nice or caring neither towards you or towards your dcs (becauae that behaviour impacts your dcs too!)

Hes got you where he wants you. How dare he try and guilt trip you doing nice things with your own lovely children just because hes made bad choices in life and wants everyone elses life to be smaller, just so he doesnt feel sad. You know he will feel sad anyway, because his misery is a habit. Hes a dementor that will suck all your energy.

Life doesnt have to be shit. Dont let him dull your shine.