Want to take my dc away on my own

[Ragrugflowerdots]

I’m in a tricky and slightly unusual position I think. I’ve been with DP for three years - he has a dc and I have 2dc. We have never attempted to ‘blend’ I see him without his dc and he sees me without mine. The dc have only met a handful of times. My eldest dc does not like his dc and tbh I’ve been quite clear that I don’t want to try and blend them together as I rarely think it works.

I earn more than DP and I also had a sizeable amount of money from my divorce. I had an inheritance also and now own my own home - I know I am really really lucky to be able to do this.
DP is nowhere near as ‘well off’ financially and it does sometimes raise its head that he and his dc are hard done by compared to mine.

He is taking his dc away for a week in the UK this summer. I wasn’t going to take mine away as I have been unwell but I have been feeling better the last few months and I am wondering whether i might be able to book a week / ten nights somewhere. I’d like to take them abroad. My eldest is 16 and probably won’t want to come with me for so much longer.

The thing is I know my DP will kick off about it because he will see it as unfair that I can afford to do this with my dc and he can’t. I don’t know if I should give him some money? It is unfair, I agree. He wouldn’t come with us as he will have his dc over the time I am looking to go.

Im not really sure what to do about the financial disparity when we are in no way blended. I could just take mine in the UK. That would cause less upset I think.

Any ideas?

Horrible reading this. He’s really got a grip on you and he sucks the life out of you because he’s such a victim. What a miserable man. Put yourself and kids first OP.

@Ragrugflowerdots Why are you not ending things with him first? Take control back.

OP each update gets more and more obvious that you’re being abused by this man. Your first post I thought he was just a bit of a moaner but the further it’s gone on, it’s obvious he’s deliberately manipulating and controlling you to put his needs first to the detriment of your happiness and your relationship with your children.

They don’t like him you’ve said - well they’re better judges of character it seems than their mum. Every word you write, the fact you e been worn down by this dementor scream out of you. Hes sucked every bit of joy out of your life and yet you still seem to bend over backwards to pacify him. Why? What hold does this fun sponge have over you that you can’t just tell him to fuck off?

Even of you take your kids away on what should be a week of fun in the sun making precious memories, unless you dump his sorry arse and block him on every communication channel, he’ll find a way of ruining it for you and making sure you suffer for daring to not put him first.

Please please please wake up and see what’s in front of your eyes before it’s too late. You won’t get the chance to have this time with your kids again - don’t be looking back wishing you’d put them first rather than this knobjockey

What about his breathtaking privilege in thinking that he's entitled to dictate how other people spend their lives? What about his arrogance in believing that you should live a smaller life because it makes him feel happier?

He sounds worse with each update. He doesn't like his job. He feels he doesn't have the life he deserves. He doesn't get the recognition or rewards he thinks he's entitled to - have you ever stopped and noticed that HE is the common theme here?

Why on earth does he think that he's entitled to expect you to not go abroad with your children, using your money?

If you have an ounce of self-respect then dump him and block him. I bet that a huge amount of your anxiety would disappear if you weren't pandering to this selfish little arsehole.

I’ve not really responded but they have made me more anxious. I will take my DC but I am for sure finding this quite stressful.
I am anticipating he’ll end things / block me again but this time I’ll just leave it.

OP - As plenty of other posters have asked, why on earth are you waiting for him to end it with you???

100% agree. Take the power away from him.

You need to ask yourself WHY his replies to your holiday plans are making you anxious. As a PP has said what hold does this bloke have on you, why are you so anxious about how he will respond? From what you have written, he certainly brings nothing positive to your life.

If he is making you feel this anxious - then why are you in a relationship with him?

What exactly do you get from it?

You are totally entitled to just bin him, because he's not adding to your life.

What a nasty, selfish, entitled twat he is!

Shame on you for even entertaining this situation for a second. Your poor kids!! Please dump him immediately, why wouldn't you?!!!!

It's not at all pathetic that you are gaining confidence through adventures with your kids. It's bloody amazing!!!

I was similar, I left a relationship having repeatedly been told I wouldn't cope. And I loved doing things with my girls and I realised I could do it alone.

I suspect your dp is creating some of your anxiety and actually leaving him might improve your mh. If he loves you he shouldn't begrudge you a nice holiday with your dc.

@Ragrugflowerdots
Are you OK OP?

OP hope you are ok and if you do read this, please take comfort from the fact there are a load of people rooting for you to go on holiday and enjoy time with your kids.

Yes this exactly! 🩷

Ltb and he will take your anxiety with him. Living on eggshells is no way to live. Ime. End it and literally feel that black cloud lift.. Feel freedom descend....
Again ime.
Remarried now and if my dh mentioned my spending on my own dc I would laugh at him. Because he would be joking.

You've been quiet for quite a while @Ragrugflowerdots , please come back and tell us what you did next. I have a nasty feeling you gave in- please tell me I'm wrong?