Want to take my dc away on my own

[Ragrugflowerdots]

I’m in a tricky and slightly unusual position I think. I’ve been with DP for three years - he has a dc and I have 2dc. We have never attempted to ‘blend’ I see him without his dc and he sees me without mine. The dc have only met a handful of times. My eldest dc does not like his dc and tbh I’ve been quite clear that I don’t want to try and blend them together as I rarely think it works.

I earn more than DP and I also had a sizeable amount of money from my divorce. I had an inheritance also and now own my own home - I know I am really really lucky to be able to do this.
DP is nowhere near as ‘well off’ financially and it does sometimes raise its head that he and his dc are hard done by compared to mine.

He is taking his dc away for a week in the UK this summer. I wasn’t going to take mine away as I have been unwell but I have been feeling better the last few months and I am wondering whether i might be able to book a week / ten nights somewhere. I’d like to take them abroad. My eldest is 16 and probably won’t want to come with me for so much longer.

The thing is I know my DP will kick off about it because he will see it as unfair that I can afford to do this with my dc and he can’t. I don’t know if I should give him some money? It is unfair, I agree. He wouldn’t come with us as he will have his dc over the time I am looking to go.

Im not really sure what to do about the financial disparity when we are in no way blended. I could just take mine in the UK. That would cause less upset I think.

Any ideas?

Crazy.

If your boyfriend could afford to take his DC on holiday abroad do you think he would have worried for a single moment that you might be jealous or upset? Nope! He would book and go and if you objected he would probably say you were ridiculous.

When you thought you weren't well enough for you and your children to have a holiday this year, do you think he had a single shred of guilt when he booked his UK break. No!

I might be slightly more sympathetic if you were a fully blended family, married, all sharing a home because the children would see and feel the difference more starkly. But that isn't the case so you don't need to consider it. Why does your boyfriends son even need to know where you went on holiday and for how long?

I'd get rid of the whinger. You'll have a life time of this guilty tripping and scrounging otherwise.

Now if you'll excuse me, my next door neighbour has taken his children abroad twice this year already so I'm going round to shout at him about how unfair it is.

I’m sure he’s got some positives but to ‘kick off’ because you want to spend quality time with your DC makes him sound a selfish jealous petty immature entitled twat

Don’t let your children miss out because your boyfriend is a twat. Also if he can afford to take himself abroad then he can afford to take his children. He sounds like a very selfish man

Now if you'll excuse me, my next door neighbour has taken his children abroad twice this year already so I'm going round to shout at him about how unfair it is.

I was going to say something similar and you beat me to it @honeylulu 😂

Some people are absolutely pathetic. But more fool OP for even entertaining the dickhead.

I'd be considering if he is the man I'd want to spend time with if he kicks off about this.

A decent human, someone who lives and carers for you would be happy for you and your dc to be able to get away. He should be proud that you've got your own home and can afford a holiday like this. That you're putting yourself out there and taking your dc alone. Hard work and a bit of luck has enabled you to do this.

Also your sc won't be at the age of wanting to go on holiday. Take them away and enjoy yours and don't give him a penny. If he kicks off, kick him to the kerb. He's a jealous man baby if he's nothing but happy for you.

If that was me (and exGF was better off than me) I would simply tell her to have a great holiday. Yes, there would be a small amount of jealousy there that I cannot afford said holiday (as there would be with any friends doing similar) but I would never ask her for money or make her feel bad for it.

You should probably dump him. He sounds like a twat

Bloody hell ... OP READ THIS and take it on board, please!

Do not give him money, he sounds like a taker and it will be a slippery slope.

If he gets mad I would reconsider the relationship.

Oh good lord book the holiday!

My DP and I are mostly blended but still do things with our respective kids apart! I have more holidays than him, not because I’m better off but I prioritise differently and juggle things. He has an expensive hobby - i dont. His DC doesn’t miss out by any means but I live for short breaks so take any opportunity to go, with him or with friends or alone with my kids. He is supportive of my choices and I his.

10 days in France sounds lovely, hire a car and go from chateau to vineyard all around 🏰 🍷

Well, as my single mum on benefits used to say when we were kids "life's not fair", when I was moaning about something I couldn't have that all my friends did. Is he 9 years old?

So his life has turned out differently to yours. Them's the breaks. Shit happens, not all of it our own making. For gods sake don't make your kids go without a nice holiday because of his completely illogical jealousy.

If he kicks off, back away and just refuse to discuss it. If he gets angry, time to dump him. Your life, your money, your kids, your decision.

The thing is I know my DP will kick off about it

Anyone who ‘kicks off’ because you’re having a good time, isn’t someone you want to be around.

I would reconsider this relationship.
You cannot shrink yourself out of fear for offending the person who is supposed to love and support you.

If this was my DP I would be encouraging him to go and asking that he takes lots of pics for me to see.

If you’ve never been abroad then perhaps look into somewhere that is all inclusive or with an estate agent that can help you book everything.

Gently, you seem quite a weak person - you can stand on your own two feet.
You do not need a male to do things for you because you should be just as capable as they are.

Go on holiday. Send your dh packing to timbuctoo.

I’ve been abroad before but not ‘on my own’ since my early 20s. I find it stressful but I’ve done a fair few things since I got divorced that I didn’t think I’d be able to do and I suspect this is no different. When I first split from ex husband I was so anxious I could barely even get on a train and go to the nearest city. Since then I’ve taken the dc on short Uk breaks, into London numerous times and managed to buy a house.

I think he might be annoyed that I’m choosing the spend the time / annual leave with my dc and not him. I don’t get loads of annual leave (who does) so ten nights I guess is a lot.
I’ve costed it and I think for 10 nights - including flights and half board in a reasonable hotel it’ll be about £4,000.
I don’t think that seems too bad?

Well he can forgot the holiday abroad with his friend and take his kids abroad if it bothers him.

It’s actually quite worrying that you know he’ll kick off about this. How else do you limit yourself and your dc, so that he is pacified?

Really evaluate your relationship. It’s not looking good from all of our perspectives. It’s pretty unanimous.

Just do what you want, OP. It's your money and your family. He doesn't get a say in it. He has separately made arrangements for HIS own family. End of discussion. All good.

I really don't understand this. You say you haven't blended because you think that would negatively impact on your children, but you are going to potentially allow your relationship to affect them anyway.

If you are going to let your boyfriend dictate what you do with your own money, your own annual leave and your own kids why not just blend your families and be done with it 🤷‍♀️

He is jealous and a sexist that can’t cope his female partner does better than him.@
And somehow he is expecting you to either live your life at his level or to subsidise him.

Thats not how a good relationship work.
He should be happy for you to go away. He should be happy your health is better. He is should be happy to see you’ve been ‘lucky’ to get some inheritance.

I appreciate you know that you are in some ways privileged.
But that house/payment you got from your divorce: you worked for it too.
That inheritance means you’ve lost someone close.
Youre earning more means you e out the work in from your A level to Uni and subsequently at work.
Does it mean he is lesser than? Nope and I know you know that. But he isn’t then entitled to drag you down because he isn’t in a as good position as you financially.
I mean I’m sure he wouldn’t think it’s ok to ask him to be as unwell as you were this year? Because it’s unfair he has plenty of energy and can do stuff with his dc when you can’t? So why is it ok fir him to ask you to reign it in re hols?

How infuriating! It’s none of his business what you do with your child, just as it’s not up to you what he does with his. Book a holiday, put your kids first (as it seems you always do- I don’t mean it to sound rude) and tell him bluntly what you’re doing. See how he responds. If he’s a petulant child then why are you with him? How can you possibly find that attractive? Does he want to blend the families? He sounds like he has the potential to be a cocklodger… does he want to move in with you?

So the guy you've been dating will
"kick off " because you want to take your children abroad ?

why would you put up with this ?

Yet he can use his annual leave to holiday with his dc and then a friend? But resents you using yours without him!

Think about the fairness of this.

OP, with the greatest of respects, please just book the fucking holiday and take your children away to make some lovely memories with you. Don't give your immature, controlling prick of a boyfriend a second thought.

The cost is irrelevant - if you can afford it, do it.

Also, not sure how he could be annoyed about you spending time / annual leave with your DC when you have said he's taking his DC away for a week on his own.

This. Take your kids where you want.

I like the post where the pp advises the op to use an estate agent to help her book her trip 😱😂

Its not in the slightest bit unfair
WHat IS unfair is that you feel you can't do things with your DC that he can't afford to do with his.
If he kicks off hes a Dick and you should dump him