Should I sent the paragraph to him?

[serenabar]

I wrote a message on my notes for my ex. I wanna send it but at the same time im scared too.. this is the message:
im scared he will leave me on delivered, or that he will tell me he is with someone else now.. but at the same time i wanted him to know this..

You probably won’t open this, just like you didn’t open the yesterday one. But I am gonna say it anyway.. I never expected that we would disappear from each other’s worlds. I never expected you would be okay with that. I never expected you would not care what I have to say to you, I never expected you would ignore me like that.
But they say men are quite simple.. “the way a man treats you is exactly how he feels about you. If he wants to talk to you, he will reach out. If he wants to see you, he will make plans with you. And if he acts like he doesn't care, then he doesn't care.”
Yes, looks like you stopped caring. I was there when you needed me, I answered all your questions and when I mentioned I was hurt too - you disappeared. Yes, you showed me once again my feelings are not valid. I am just someone from now another universe for you. You seem like you are doing just fine, like you are forgetting all about me. I wish it was that easy for me too. But then again.. this new you is not the man I fall inlove with. He would never do anything like that, he wouldn’t just delete me from his life. And that man is gone. He no longer exists and I gotta acept that. Its a new you that I don’t recognize, I just don’t know him. It hurts now but the sun will rise again.
No one can take away the person who you were when we were in love.
Not even you. That person can stay in my heart for as long as I decide.
I think he loved me.
Even when you hurt me multiple times, I still didn’t leave. I won the I love you more.
You put me in enough breakups for a lifetime. And I still wouldn’t walk away from you. Cause not for once I looked at another guy, not for once I accepted any follow request. Cause for me that will be offensive thing for my man. I’m pure and I’m loyal. When I love - I love hard. And i know cause when you want something badly you just don’t give up. Everything can be sorted. Absolutely everything. Of course if it’s wanted.
I guess I got my closure too.
No one is going to want something and let it slip away. That's not how the human heart works.

Keep busy OP, distract yourself when he enters your head or you find yourself reaching for the phone to check.

You can remove the anxiety from the equation about whether or not he contacts you. Block him. Then you will know he can't message you and the anxiety is gone. You won't though.

Look I don't think this thread is helping. A common phenomenon after a relationship is over is to cling on by talking to other people about it. The relationship is gone so you keep it alive by talking. I don't think this is doing any good. You have to make effort to move on.

I disagree. The OP will know if it’s helping her and if it does at this stage then why not post anonymously and get her thoughts out of her head. I’d recommend a diary OP to write down your feelings too but if this helps then carry on x

i read about this pain being like an onion. You have to peel back the layers of pain. It still hurts through each new layer but that’s part of the process of healing. You won’t suddenly wake up recovered but hopefully through each new layer it will hurt slightly less and less as time goes on.

Having been there myself - she absolutely is using this as a means to keep it alive.

She's best doing something constructive.

Polarnight, people are different. When I had a break up I used this forum for keeping myself sane and away from him and support not to message him. I think it helped a lot and I no longer have any interest in my ex. Mumsnet helped me through.

It's still early days OP! Everything will feel raw now but things will change. Just takes a bit of time

Would it be a mistake if I start talking to guys, I feel like I just miss talking to someone of the opposite gender.. but I don’t want also to rush things..

Wouldn't be a mistake to talk to them, no. Getting overly involved when your vulnerable and not ready could have repercussions though, detrimental to your mental health. Friendships are fine but don't get emotionally attached whilst you're in a bad space.

It won’t help in the long run.. it may distract you temporarily. Give it a bit more time if you can x

Will probably give you a bit of a buzz to begin with. Just remember to grieve this before jumping into another.

Thank you all! Yes, I don’t think I am ready. But I think that I am done being sad because of someone. I at least hope so!

Right now is going to be a very trying time. You’ve got all your validation from another person and you don’t have that now so there’s a chance you’re looking for the next fix just to feel worthy again. But this is how you jump from one shitbag to another because bad people can sense your vulnerability. What normal person wants to go out with someone who is still stuck on their ex? The best and hardest thing you can do right now is a lot of inner work so you don’t NEED another person to tell you you’re amazing. You’ll already know it. Then that next person can only add to your inner happiness and not take it away x

At this moment while you're still hung up on this other - yes, it would be a mistake. Just enjoy being on your own for a bit. Learn to love your own company and finding out about you. Trust me when you get to my age, mid 40s, you don't get a minutes peace with yourself! Wish I had enjoyed the single life when I was your age a bit more!

Speak for yourself. I'm 40s. I get so much time to myself as I don't have kids. All my money is mine & other than work so is my time.

You don't have to marry and have kids.

I'd say why not. Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.

@Polarnight Where did I say she has to marry and have kids? Of course not everyone is married with kids at 40. I just think having read all of her posts she seems to be finding it very hard to let go of this person and has hopefully realised that sending this type of paragraph is not the way to go about things. A bit of time just gaining some strength before jumping into the dating scene would probably help her handle the next relationship better.

Distraction is key. Keep busy. Make plans with friends. Book things you have been putting off. Maybe there’s things you did more before you met him. Look at new hobbies/holidays.Personally I would block him and delete for your own sanity.

Agree with this. A couple of friendships with guys might help, but keeping it light is key! I know what you mean, I enjoy male company (but I’m married so obviously not in the sexual sense).

Hi!
will it feel good to be holding someone’s else’s hand, kissing and etc?
i feel like I am missing my ex because of how everything felt with him.. and im worried i will continue missing him because with someone new (when that happens someday) it will feel different and not the same, not nice..

I think you need to try focus on yourself, not dating, not what things may feel like.
I fully understand you’re missing the company but remind yourself you don’t need that.

When you meet the right person you won’t even think twice about this guy, you won’t miss anything about him. Him leaving your life is a blessing!

You can't know how it will feel til it actually happens. You're conflating moving on and healing with being with someone new. They aren't the same things.

This is getting intense OP. You need to take a step back and focus on yourself.

OP focus on you first. Get new hobbies, interests and activities. Fill your evenings with classes etc. You will meet new interesting people, and maybe even potential boyfriends.

But try to forget about being with another man just yet. If you are overly focused on just being with someone else you’ll make bad choices about who you get involved with. You don’t have to be in a relationship. You are so young. Be single, experience things, travel, learn new skills.

Yikes don’t, he's not worth it but deep down you probably know this already

What is happening to the rest of your life - and your career - while you continue to focus on this useless male person?

Please read that book about self esteem, if you've not already done so.

I started it today! and I’m liking it!

No one knows how it would feel for you.
If you like the new person it will feel good hopefully if not then you will be comparing them to your ex. It might make you feel even sadder so I wouldn’t recommend it yet, you will also be quite vulnerable I imagine. Stick with your friends and family the people who deserve your attentions.