Should I sent the paragraph to him?

[serenabar]

I wrote a message on my notes for my ex. I wanna send it but at the same time im scared too.. this is the message:
im scared he will leave me on delivered, or that he will tell me he is with someone else now.. but at the same time i wanted him to know this..

You probably won’t open this, just like you didn’t open the yesterday one. But I am gonna say it anyway.. I never expected that we would disappear from each other’s worlds. I never expected you would be okay with that. I never expected you would not care what I have to say to you, I never expected you would ignore me like that.
But they say men are quite simple.. “the way a man treats you is exactly how he feels about you. If he wants to talk to you, he will reach out. If he wants to see you, he will make plans with you. And if he acts like he doesn't care, then he doesn't care.”
Yes, looks like you stopped caring. I was there when you needed me, I answered all your questions and when I mentioned I was hurt too - you disappeared. Yes, you showed me once again my feelings are not valid. I am just someone from now another universe for you. You seem like you are doing just fine, like you are forgetting all about me. I wish it was that easy for me too. But then again.. this new you is not the man I fall inlove with. He would never do anything like that, he wouldn’t just delete me from his life. And that man is gone. He no longer exists and I gotta acept that. Its a new you that I don’t recognize, I just don’t know him. It hurts now but the sun will rise again.
No one can take away the person who you were when we were in love.
Not even you. That person can stay in my heart for as long as I decide.
I think he loved me.
Even when you hurt me multiple times, I still didn’t leave. I won the I love you more.
You put me in enough breakups for a lifetime. And I still wouldn’t walk away from you. Cause not for once I looked at another guy, not for once I accepted any follow request. Cause for me that will be offensive thing for my man. I’m pure and I’m loyal. When I love - I love hard. And i know cause when you want something badly you just don’t give up. Everything can be sorted. Absolutely everything. Of course if it’s wanted.
I guess I got my closure too.
No one is going to want something and let it slip away. That's not how the human heart works.

can I get advice on this thing.. or something that will make me feel better.. 😞
what I’m thinking about now is that we probably talked for three weeks after the breakup like we were still together, with the good morning texts, and updates through the day..
then cause I got scared if that was somehow helping him to get over me and I felt like it was like maybe we will be together again and I thought I needed to know so I don’t get hurt.. and I asked if he had our picture on his WhatsApp background still and he replied he had it removed… and I asked if we were really over and he said “I guess so”. This again was confusing but also painful so I didn’t text anything anymore and it was a weekend and he didn’t stop posting stories with his friends but he also didn’t reach out to me and that never happened before- us not texting for 2 days and it was breaking my heart and I texted him and asked how he could be fine without hearing from me and he replied very cold like he wondered the absolute same thing and then he became awful and was only blaming everything on me, all the relationship problems and I was there for him and I was apologized and trying to understand his pain. And he would reply within many hours and it was 2-3 messages per day.. and I was trying to communicate with him and I wanted to tell him about how I felt and he didn’t respond anymore, he didn’t wanna hear about my feelings and sent him sad heartbroken quotes where he responded with 😢.
and what bothers me is the thing I lastly saw.. by my friend sending it to me.. a story of him, he has reposted it, it was posted by a girl, that I have seen in his followers and his childhood friends also follow her but I don’t know her but makes me think they know each other from before.. so she was next to him and there was aslo two other girls as well.. and it was a repost at 2 am.. outside..
and this bothered me now cause feels like he moved on and cause I saw the photo I compare to her.. in looks and everything and wondering if he had moved on and if he is feeling better now.. but the last screenshot i had sent him was of our posts together that we though we had lost but they came back as i blocked him on instagram somehow so i showed to him they weren’t gone. And this was after i saw the story.. and you remember i was on delivered for more than a day and the last interaction was him reacting to that screenshot with 😢.
how can I stop comparing and thinking about him, her or anything related to that. 😞

OP he told you it was over. For now you have to accept that and respect his decision.

All the communication after that was brought on by you. And each one of the sad posts will, I am sorry to say, just have irritated him in his ‘moving on’ phase. He sent sad faces because he didn’t know what to say. But it didn’t mean he wanted to get back together. Men tell you when they want that.

The only possible way he will come back is if you leave him alone to work it out.

It is likely I’m afraid that he will see other people in the weeks to come. I honestly know how hard that is to accept. It’s torture to think about and to see. But he is absolutely entitled to move on now he is single.

Dont be a clingy desperate ex. It won’t work. He’ll lose respect and think he’s made the right decision.

Allow yourself a couple more days to wallow. But then get busy making arrangements and plans. Go places. See things. Make new friends. New hobbies. Fill your life with activities. Find out more about you.

Don't get drawn into writing meaningful passive aggressive stuff on socials. If you must post things, only fabulous pictures of you and friends or scenery with simple stuff like ‘great day on the beach with these guys’

The longer you leave it without messaging the easier it gets and then you want to just do one more day. Then another. Then get to 2 weeks. 3 weeks etc. after 3 weeks I am never tempted for some reason.

One of my friends waited 3 months of no contact and hers came back they’ve now been married for ages. I waited 11 weeks for one. 20 years for another (the cheek of him. I obviously told him to do one!).

Being no contact will help you to move on. It really will. With the added bonus that if he is the one, he will miss you and come back. Then you get to decide if you CBA.

💐

I know this is really difficult but he clearly wants to move on. When you asked 'is it over' and he said 'I guess so', that isn't confusing. It's just his way of saying yes. When he didn't text for 2 days and you asked him how could he be ok with that, his response is just his way of turning it around, as it's quite a difficult question for anyone to answer IMO. He doesn't know what to say and wants to be polite and not upset you further by being blunt. He probably still has feelings towards you in a friendly way but clearly wants to move on. Trust me you will know when a man wants to be with you, you would never have to chase them. By cutting off contact and living your life is the best and only thing to do. If you really want him back (and I don't think you should) but ignoring him would be the only possible way to find out if he wanted you again in the future. Any chance you may have of rekindling this relationship would be over if you carry on contacting him. Men find this really difficult to deal with, it makes them run a mile if they feel hounded or trapped by emotions. Why do you feel the need to have him answer every question you have in your head? It's not fair on him.

get busy making arrangements and plans. Go places. See things. Make new friends. New hobbies. Fill your life with activities. Find out more about you

I agree. It's time to stop wallowing and start living, @serenabar !

You are very young. You ought to be focusing on studying, building your career, planning a rewarding and productive life. Meeting people - not just looking for a boyfriend! - making friends, nurturing relationships. Find interesting things, hobbies, passions. Reading, going to concerts, exhibitions, sports, fitness travelling......

In other words, becoming a complete and independent person, not an appendage to a man.

And do read those books that have been suggested.

OP it seems like you are using this to keep his memory alive by talking about his as you can’t talk to him. How healthy is this for you? How can you replace that with something that serves you better?

I know you’re hurting @serenabar but you now need to stop over analysing things.

Delete and remove him from everything. Tell your friends not to give you updates on him.

You tried with him and it didn’t work out. Sadly the texting each other constantly hasn’t helped you move on. Honestly him being rude to you is now the best thing because if he was kind then you’d think there was still some hope.

Youve had lots of fantastic advice on here so keep trying hard to forget about him. Give yourself one more night to cry over him and then anytime he pops into your head, tell yourself it’s over and do something to keep your mind busy.

Don’t waste your life wondering if he’s thinking about you and what he’s doing. You’ll only make yourself feel worse!!

Thank you for these words!
I know I am a big overthinker and I just have two more things I have been wondering, do you have opinion on them?

1. I Said I was tortured by this business days replies and he said he was suffering too.
2. The last time we saw each other he asked his mother if I could join them to some celebration in their house. She said no. And three days later he broke up with me over a text.

he have said his mom is the most important for him and it will be like this till the end. Makes me think she made him do all this stuff. Will he ever gets on terms with her? Probably not. So maybe there is absolutely no chance of him wanting me back.

And I wanna add:
I just realized what triggered my crazy thoughts about him and someone else. And all the pain.
It came from that I was sent by a friend that story. Then I asked her to unfollow him and she did. Everyone have done that except one person that I haven’t asked to do so. But we kinda haven’t spoken recently and I know he is big friends with a cousin of mine and my relatives can be very gossip like. And I repeat Im an overthinker and I just got into panic mode to not somehow hear from relatives or else if he posted and did and they were seen doing something.. and etc.. cause i have blocked him and deleted every possibility but im scared to not hear about something from someone else again. Cause I don’t know how to control the others..

and thank you for all the great advice you all have given me. And I absolutely don’t have desire to text him today and I hope it will stay like this. I am reading a book about self worth, I’m listening to healing podcasts and I listen to positive affirmations!
and I believe I chose a better way to cope with all this then he did… thank you again!

he have said his mom is the most important for him and it will be like this till the end. Makes me think she made him do all this stuff.

What does it matter anymore?

I've previously deluded myself that a man was under his mother's thumb and she was behind it.

When he found someone he wanted to be with he left without a backward glance and moved to the other end of the UK with her.

He doesn't want to be with you. Doesn't matter why anymore.

It doesn’t matter what his mum thought of you. It also doesn’t matter now why you two broke up. It’s not healthy to keep going over it.

I know you want answers, I know you think it will help you to understand why it ended but it won’t. You’ll always be chasing more information so now you need to stop.
You need to stop questioning and over thinking. You’re going to end up making yourself sick with worry and he’s not worth it.

Sometimes closure is accepting there won’t be the closure you are wanting. PS don’t date a mamas boy x

Yeah the social media overanalysing needs to stop, I'm sorry OP. I'm older than you and honestly, I just think it convolutes everything.

Agree with PP, don't date a mamas boy. If boys respect their mums, fantastic! When it slips into something unhealthy it's not so great. It's by the by now.

I swear OP, you are 22 - still so young!! Sometimes I regret not doing more with myself at that age. So much studying, travelling, exploring I could have done. Now I'm in the thick of mum life. You have an opportunity here to get to know yourself more. What are your career goals and aspirations? What would you like to achieve by say 25? 30?? Make a plan and make it happen. Focus on you.

I hate this feeling, now again thinking of him and wondering how he doesn’t care, all this time together meant nothing to him and he wasn’t even a good texter, I don’t know why I miss even his texts ughhh. 😔

Because he isn't the one for you, nor you him. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you. Be kind to yourself.

I just wish I knew my future self is happy and whatever this pain is now will be over. 😞

It will be. The best thing about this kind of heartbreak is it never lasts.

I had a heart break at that age. 22.

A few years later I came across him in a station and I was taken aback by how much time I wasted on that ugly loser.

You'll get there OP. It will take time x

Honestly @serenabar, I guarantee you'll look at your ex in the future and you'll be absolutely grossed out like "what did I ever see in them".

There's absolutely nothing attractive about my exes to me now, even the "good looking ones" make me gip

Hahaha sounds good. I guess I am upset that he doesn’t care. Like I wasn’t special.

That can hurt the most. It almost becomes less about "him" as a person and more about how he made you feel at one time and the realisation that he may not have been sincere in his feelings. That's completely normal.

When you get further down the line you'll analyse his actions, times when he hurt you and didn't seem to care or times he didn't appreciate when you put his needs above your own etc and that's when you'll get angry or annoyed but you'll see him for what he truly was. It's a blessing in the long term.

Thank you! ❤️ I now remember times I felt unappreciated. I should write those down and reread them. 😞

That will help you see things more clearly. You'll realise he was an asshole in time.

Oh god no don't send that . I'm sorry your so hurt but please don't send this , it will only make you feel belittled even more x

These are for you OP.

I finished chapter 5 on “Women who love too much” but it puts me so much down.. and I can’t relate to the stories..
the stories are really hard for me to read.. it sounds like all guys are just awful..
I will finish the book though.. and women’s behavior also turns me off.

late afternoons are so hard. Its when im most upset somehow. I haven’t contacted him but I have the urge from time to time.. (especially to ask if he is not crushed like i am for not talking anymore) 😞 I feel so moody and I don’t enjoy anything.. I ditch my phone for long and when I grab it, I think maybe he texted me and then it pains me when of course there is no text from him. I sometimes pray he will never text me cause I will probably take him back but at the same time I know he is absolutely bad for me. I am so tired of thinking about him. I’m so tired of being upset.
how can i stop thinking about him? How to accept its over, how to stop hoping he will text? How to stop expect that?

The truth often hurts, @serenabar .

Have you considered any of the advice you have been given on how to get a life - and become a self sufficient woman in your own right?

Please do not continue to wallow in your distress. Erase him from your hopes for the future and think really hard about what you want from your one and only precious life.