What harsh words from others have stuck with you for life?

[blackbutterfly22]

''You really aren't very photogenic, are you?' (Said by my ex husband about 25 years ago and still haunts me to this day when someone takes my photo).

'You'll never find anyone again' . (Said when I got divorced 8 years ago and I truly now believe that there is something wrong with me as despite dating lots, no one seems to want to be my special person.)

Anyone have comments from others that keep rearing their heads throughout life?

My mother: 'What a pity you're no good at...(insert any number of different skills and attributes)' But she did me a favour in the end - I have spent my life trying to prove that I AM good at just about everything she put me down for, and as a result have lots of qualifications and have had a good, interesting career!

A supply teacher in my primary school in the 1970’s when I was about 8 said something really vile to me. I went home confused and upset and told my (fairly abusive) adoptive parents who then parroted the insult back to me for years afterwards. I’m 55 now and still impacted. Not mitigated by the fact I’ve gone on to have a much more successful life and career than the supply teacher ever had/ would have.

Still remember it now. Words are powerful things particularly when adults weaponise them against vulnerable children 😢

God, there are some appalling people in this world. Off the top of my head, these really stand out for me:

"It's like climbing on top of a beached whale" - EXH, ever critical of my weight, referring to sex with me.

"Well, YOU can't wear a dress. X, y, and z will be there!" - EXH when I was debating what to wear for a NYE party with neighbours as a size 14 ish when the other women he was naming were all super skinny, if not particularly good looking or well dressed. I felt like shit for the entire night, hid from everyone and still recall it every NYE.

"You're really not cut out for this, are you?" - EXH, during the very early days with dd1 when I was suffering badly with PND (later diagnosed as PTSD as well)

"If you don't appear to be coping, they'll take the baby off you" - my mother during the same period. She genuinely believed that this would happen and was genuinely worried. I have never forgotten it.

"Well, I built a house when I had a young baby" - my utterly shit health visitor during same period when I was beside myself with a non sleeping dd1, working flat out (self employed) and managing the build of a house (XH was physically working on the actual build). I was asked by GP whether I thought I was depressed (I was suicidal) - no, I thought I was shit at this new job of being a mother.

I'm struck by the fact that most of the comments are about looks. Such comments are very revealing about the shallow, fucked up value system of the person making them.

That's how I read it too.

@EmeraldDreams73 I hope you have survived OK. Some of these comments are shocking.

I've got a number of hang ups that must have come from various experiences throughout my life. I've certainly not led a charmed life but l can't recall harsh words from others that I've held on to or remember. I wonder why that is?!

Thank you. EXH did an awful lot of damage and continues to try to bully our two dds about their weight but overall we are all glad I left 4 years ago! Now remarried to an absolute sweetheart who thinks we're all wonderful. X

Father on leaving for University ‘Well, you’ll be lucky to get a 2:2.’. He didn’t come to my graduation. I got a 2:1.

Father on leaving to work abroad for a summer ‘You will be back in two weeks’. I came back three months later.

Father when I was 21 ‘You’ll never look as good as your mother’.

Father on my wedding day overheard talking to MIL ‘Well you still love your children even if you don’t like them’.

Mother as I left her house after an awful afternoon when she had bitched about me to OH and ignored me ‘You really need to lose weight.’

Friend at school who was very plain ‘Don’t you ever wish you were pretty?’

Mother when hearing my partner had had an affair ‘well we were always waiting for this’.

My now ex BIL said no man would ever want me as I was an ugly beast.

I was 13.

I think I wore nothing but black for the next 10 years and hid myself away.

Fucking prick.

My stepfather all my childhood, you're just a bastard, a poor relation, nobody wants you not even your mother ad nauseam in the most aggressive and hateful way.
My mother did nothing to stick up for me.

My dm was very critical and called me lazy a lot. I was lazy and had no get up and go, I heard that a lot when I was living at home. It buzzes around my head more than it should. For context I did well at school and always had a job so not entirely useless. She mostly looked disgusted by me tbh.

Growing up with constant criticism and no acknowledgement of achievements has had quite a negative impact, I’m very hard on myself.

So sorry. What a cunt😡

Said by my Grandma about a year before she died….”Don’t worry, I was fat too when I was younger”

I was 32yrs old and about 12 weeks pregnant with twins 🤯

My first boyfriend used to make jokes about not wanting to have sex with me without makeup on.

It gave me such a complex and to this day (10 years on) I’ve never had sex without makeup on.

My mother was in a mood with me one day and saw my underwear drying on the clothes airer, which prompted her to say that I would deserve to be raped if I went around wearing skimpy underwear like that. What she didn’t know was that I hadbeen raped, about two months prior to that. I never told her as it would have destroyed her.

I was an overweight child. I have a recollection of being out shopping with my mother and her making me try on multiple items in varying sizes. I was probably 7 or 8 years old at the time and started to moan cos I was fed up. And she snapped at me that we wouldn’t have to do this if I wasn’t so fat. At the time, she controlled what access to food I had, so me being fat was her fault, but that seemed to go over her head.

After a uni night out, a big gang of us had gone back to one house and were sleeping/crashed out on the floors etc. I was lying on the floor between two friends, when some of the guys came to the door and were looking to see who was where etc. most of the others were asleep so I pretended to be asleep also. They started naming who was who, and got to the girl next to me, “that’s Maria”. Then one of them said (about me) “who’s that?” and another replied “not ‘who’s that’, ‘what’s that?’, is it a whale?”

I had a one night stand with a guy. I was keen to see him again and said so by text. He replied that he didn’t like fucking elephants. I responded by asking if he meant ‘fucking’ as a verb or adjective but I think my wit was lost on him.

My husband of 15 years left me for OW just as our toddler was being assessed for autism after a very difficult time since his birth. I had not a clue she existed until he walked into the kitchen one morning and said "I'm leaving you". OW revelled in the unbearable pain I was suffering and enjoyed taunting me and laughing at my child's difficulties. She sent me an email and within all the vitriol she said "I am so bored of your pitiful bleating you sad fuck".

The moment I read that, I realised I was dealing with a psychopath. To this day, I can't fathom such vicious cruelty. It still bothers me to this day and I am so glad that we no longer have contact with my ex-husband.

blocked them out? or miraculously avoided any

Oh loads, mostly from my mum and sister who were both obsessed with weight and having blonde hair. Sister was obviously like that because of my mother but she took it out on me and our other sister. I had mousy hair, footballers legs, no cleavage and her friends apparently told her that I was too skinny. Our other sister received even more insults because of her being the golden child.

My DM was a bit more subtle but she still has to check my hair when I’ve been to the hairdressers to make sure it’s blonde enough. Once, when I was about 20, a young lad shouted “fat arse” at me (I was a small size 8) and when I told my mum she asked what I’d been wearing. Once, when I was prancing about wearing not very much she said “There’s nothing beautiful about the human body”, which I only remember because I found it so weird. I’ve always been* *vain body confident!

My grandma once said loudly “Oh the photos of the girl with the big nose turned out quite well”. I do have a large nose but I have always been told that I’m very pretty. I did once have a group of young lads shouting insults about my nose though and I was mortified!

Oh once my grandad asked why I had spots all over my face, so I ran upstairs crying. Grandma and grandad followed me up and my grandma accused me of hitting my grandad! Gosh it’s no wonder my mental health is so bad!

"You could probably model if you weren't overweight" - my aunt to 13 year old me. I was between a size 10 and 12 at the time. I've struggled with my weight my entire life.

"What did you do to make her attack you?" - my mum when I was assaulted at work.

Loads more where those came from sadly. Why do we hold on to the bad things that people say rather than the lovely things?

When I told an old friend that I was getting divorced, he said that he 'couldn't bear to fail like that'.
Smug bastard.
Another friend just said 'it was always on the cards'. No sympathy - nothing.
The phrase 'smug marrieds' was invented for them.

No you can’t grow your hair. No one will ever say it looks nice.

I only wanted boys.

No one’s going to look at you.

Why can’t you be like Helen Dawson.

I never wanted girls. I only wanted boys.

Ad infinitum.

OP, it might make you feel better to know I’ve had the reverse as a very backhanded compliment – oh, you’re very photogenic aren’t you? 😉

Heavily implying I’m nowhere near as good looking in real life (I’m not lol 😂)

”she’s a bit much”.

My Mom the day they found out my (now ex) husband had been beating me said to my best friend "but Horat isn't pretty like you, she'll never meet anyone else, she's giving up a lot here" it's 31 years ago and it still cuts me.