What harsh words from others have stuck with you for life?

[blackbutterfly22]

''You really aren't very photogenic, are you?' (Said by my ex husband about 25 years ago and still haunts me to this day when someone takes my photo).

'You'll never find anyone again' . (Said when I got divorced 8 years ago and I truly now believe that there is something wrong with me as despite dating lots, no one seems to want to be my special person.)

Anyone have comments from others that keep rearing their heads throughout life?

I said to my mum last year "I've lost weight" she tutted and said "no you haven't, go and get on the scales now go on"
I declined. I went from a size 8 to 12-14 after having children and struggle, though I'm trying. It really hurt.

A school report when I was about 15 where the head of year waxed lyrical about my academic abilities but then said "RatherOdd doesn't seem to have any friends."

I was baffled. I had loads of friends. I have no idea what she was on about, or what she thought the point of writing that in my report was, but it made me feel like she knew something I didn't about the people I thought were my friends.

40 years on and I'm always wondering if people I think I'm friends with are just tolerating me for some reason.

Picked names out of a hat in junior school to play the part of “Cinderella” in the school play. My name was picked and I was so excited. The group of girls agreed that I couldn’t play Cinderella as I was “too ugly”. So someone else played the part and I was given the role of the wicked step mother. Nasty little bitches they were and really affected my confidence.

I started work on a market stall as a shy 17 year old... there was a man in his 30s who used to have a stall and would do magic tricks to draw the crowd. He called me over one day and in front of everyone shouted "I'm gonna marry this girl to show everyone I have a sense of humour!"
Karma got him in the end as he was sent to prison for molesting his partners young daughters! 🤬

"You have feet like a man" said by my aunty. Have never worn open toe shoes since

Had some with a few doctors and nurses also just nasty comments went to a&e after coming home from holiday. A bus I was on nearly crashed in Amsterdam I already had a shoulder problem for years with a pinched nerve on the top of my spinal cord. Old male doctor discussing me at a computer looking at scan results with a young nurse and saying something about patients with heavy arms.Worse than this when I was ready to leave an older nurse shouted to a colleague and said do you know where them whipcash advice letters are. They laughed every other cubicle would of heard I had no intention of following the bus company for compensation.

My exH always apologised for me when we went out with MY friends by saying ADHDGURL can't dance she has no co-ordination.. and by describing us as she's the brains I'm the looks..
Nowadays I dance on the stage and smile at myself in the mirror but my gosh it took almost 20 years to get those words out of my head ...

My mum told me off once for not dining in tune in church. I have never sung since in the company of others. In the car alone maybe but nowhere else - not even happy birthday.
Before that day I was in numerous choirs at school etc.

My mother rarely complimented me while I was growing up and used to compliment my younger sister all the time for things I had no control over - she had beautiful hair (different colour than me) and was much taller and had a slimmer build, all opposite to mine. The silence when it came to me was loud. She often made barbs about my weight too, “Are you eating all that?!” and called me the carbohydrate queen to her friends and family for liking pasta and bread when I was a child. It took me far too long to realise that was an insult too.
A few years ago my sister gained weight and I was suddenly the (somewhat) thinner sister. My mum brought my sister’s weight up to me constantly behind her back even though I made it clear I wanted no part in talking about it. She’d say things about how she’d “let herself go” etc and at one point said to me my sister wouldn’t fit into her bridesmaid dress if she kept eating. My sister probably was a 12/14 during this. It made me realise in horror that although my mum had been making jibes about my weight for years to me, she probably also was explicitly talking about it to others behind my back too.

Too many to write down but a few that immediately spring to mind:

• "Whoooaa that's an accent, Jesus Christ!" I'm from the North and was working in Godalming in my early twenties. This man had clearly never been further North than London and I'd love to go back to that time to rip him a new arsehole. He wasn't saying it with any hint of humor, he looked completely appalled that we had to share a table and didn't speak to me again after that.

• "You're just nice. That's all - nice. You should go and work in retail". This was said by a manager, again in Godalming, whilst I was in a professional role. Unfortunately, I'm not nice at all but I was trying to be professional and I was young so of course I wouldn't have been rocking the boat! Again, I wish I'd spoken up but I was young.

• "You're just a slutty alcoholic" said by my first boyfriend, and one and only love. He may have had a point. I was late teens and had started drinking but it still hurt.

I've been insulted a lot by two abusive exes but they said so much that I can't remember any of it. I have a blocking out mechanism for painful situations, I've definitely got very low self esteem though. I have a very controlling family so, I can't work out whether my low self worth is from them which caused me to get into abusive relationships or, whether the men have caused my low confidence and subsequent depression. I'm finally in therapy to find out 🙂

I was 19 and had only been going out with my boyfriend for a few months when I heard someone that I regarded as a friend say “ why is he even with her, he could do so much better, she just doesn’t suit him, they are like chalk and cheese”

it really hurt me at the time and made me doubt my relationship ….. anyway fast forward nearly 29 years and we are still happily together and married for 24 of them.

I do always like when I bump into her and she sees how happy dh and I are.

'If you don't stop crying, mum and dad will die in a car crash and you'll never see them again'
Said to my 6 year old self by my 17 year old sister who must have been resentfully babysitting me. The anxiety never left me.

Aged about 14 or 15 when asked by a teacher what I intended to do with my life, I said I wanted to be a doctor. He didn't reply, just laughed. I still suffer from imposter syndrome and I think that reaction, and other similar ones when I was young were the start of it.

What your mother said was pure evil. Having been through that trauma and hearing that, you still didn't tell her because you didn't want to hurt her.
You are much too good to breathe the same air as her or any of those other assholes. 🩷

Oh yeah, the negging. I had one school year when I was 14 where a quartet of the nastiest boys got together to give me the nickname Bowser, as in a dog, and harassed me incessantly with this and other insults. I knew what they were doing even at 14. It was what they now call negging, though there wasn't a name for it then. So the end of the school year came around and on the last day, every single one of them asked me out. With an impassive face I told each of them no, and stated it was because they were not only total assholes, they were physically unattractive as well. I'm not hung up on looks at all and it wouldn't stop me from dating somebody, but they had it coming and it was true. You should have seen the looks on their faces. 😁 I hope they learned something about how to treat girls from it, but I tend to doubt it.
Did you let those losers who were mean to you down hard as well? Dirty bastards.

I hope you threw a drink in that man's face. What a disgusting misogynistic POS.

You know what? You're all fucking wonderful for coming here and sharing your stories in all their ugliness and glory, so that so many other women can relate and feel seen, loved and understood. So many of your experiences have hit right at the core of a similar pain I have, of not feeling good enough, of being made to feel worthless.

Thank you all for being so selflessly vulnerable. You are special, every one of you.

At a youth group I used to attend I fancied this lad

I said something funny and he laughed, but then he said : if you were someone else I'd kiss you now

What a fucker. Never forgotten that one.

My mum: I have to love you but I don’t like you.

“There was no need to look so terrified” - photographer who was taking our year 11 photos, said to me as the entire year queued up, watching.

Another mum one!
It's a pity you don't look like me, your lips are too thin, your eyes are too small, your hair is so thin and awful, you need to lose weight (constant even when 8 stone) you're kids get their musical talent from their Dad (have grade 8 piano) you have no ear for languages (4 language gcses with A never use them as I'm too worried about being useless)

All these things have stuck with me throughout life. Weirdly though I'm sure other people have said harsh things to me but they never bother me and I don't remember them! Any man who was rude to me would get kicked to the curb immediately. It's only my mum who seems to have this power.

Sorry, a man was sent to prison for sexually abusing children, something that will have traumatized them and possibly have life long repercussions, but you think him going to prison was his Karma for making a bad taste joke about you?!?

That has to be one of the most self-obsessed things I have ever read.

“You’re lazy, selfish, stupid and ignorant” my parents on repeat throughout my childhood and up until I was around 40 when I went low contact.

”Aposter makes a decent cup of tea, but doesnt look like she’s much use at anything else” the brother of a friend who I’d literally just met. Not sure why friend felt she needed to tell me what he’d said.

”you have no friends and it’s no wonder” ExH. Then when I started listing my friends “they’re not your friends, they all say they don’t like you”

Some people defo should not be parents. I don’t care if they had terrible role models themselves. They must know how shit it feels, for them to perpetuate the same abuse on their children is actually even worse.

I'm an identical twin and grew up being compared to my sister in the most negative ways. Ugly one, fat one, lesser one in general. When I was about 14 (and truly crippled by insecurity, depression and despair by believing this about myself) my friend wanted to take our pics for a project at guides. I hated having my photo taken but said I would do it.

I stood there and started trying to smile and my sister was watching and went 'ew don't ever smile again you look disgusting'.

I know it's silly but I honestly think those words changed the course of my life. My insecurity, depression and despair truly took hold as I couldn't get that out of my head whenever I was around anyone. I barely wanted to open my mouth in case I looked disgutsing. I honestly didn't really smile for about 20 years.

It makes me desperately sad to think about. How truly awful can people be!!