What harsh words from others have stuck with you for life?

[blackbutterfly22]

''You really aren't very photogenic, are you?' (Said by my ex husband about 25 years ago and still haunts me to this day when someone takes my photo).

'You'll never find anyone again' . (Said when I got divorced 8 years ago and I truly now believe that there is something wrong with me as despite dating lots, no one seems to want to be my special person.)

Anyone have comments from others that keep rearing their heads throughout life?

When I was in abroad on a whm you could only work for one employer for 6 months max. There was a way of getting around this if there were two franchises in one company. I was told there were two franchises so I could work there for a year. All good. Worked well for 6 months and then they realised they couldn't keep me on as there was only one franchise not two.

The Admin Manager was a bit of a loose canon and she hissed at me " I would never have taken you on if I knew this at the start, there are plenty of others who applied for this job"

It made me feel so worthless and not only that but she blocked me on social media having added me months earlier. I was a good worker, with experience in that same company from home and I ended up taking on a lot of her roles because she couldn't be bothered doing them herself. I also trained in my replacement a lot better than she could have. Such a nasty b**ch she was.

Quite a few over the years (I'm in my fifties now) - a lot of them I can now see were projection but they've still stuck. All of these below were said as very odd stand-alone statements. Like the wanted to say them and had decided to say them that day but there was absolutely no lead-in to them.

'She's incapable of love' - Step mum when I was a young teen

'You spend too much' Dad (I've always spent well within my means and saved!) when I was in my twenties

'I love how you overshare' random comment blurted out by acquaintance - absolutely no idea what she was referring to but it wasn't anything said during that group conversation! I had definitely revealed way less about myself than she had...

'You're very difficult aren't you' random comment nasty lying SIL wanted to shoehorn in, but couldn't find a suitable lead in so said it very randomly. I just said 'maybe' and walked off.

@ScreamTillYouFeelBetter very late comment here but my biological mother had severe BPD. She didn't bring me up thank God but I saw bits of how she brought up my half-sisters.

No one who hadn't see it would believe it. No one from a normal background would have the faintest remote concept of what it's like. Quite a few things that you mention I saw too, and I'm quite sure there was a lot you haven't spoken of.

I believe every single word you say. I hope you can heal one day.

my exH said to me when we went on our first holiday together (not married at the time) I was 19 yo 'if you wern't wearing a bikini top from behind you look like a man'

I was 19, size 8, spent years dancing (ballet, tap etc) and was in good shape.

He also said I looked like witch from the side because my nose and chin are 'too pointy'

And then when we were married always asked - why are bothering to get dressed up, who are you trying to look pretty for .... etc

I have no idea why I married him or why he married me in fact - if I looked like a witch, with a manly muscly back and was attempting to look pretty.

It has stayed with me to this day

"You look anorexic. You look disgusting." - said by kids at school / random strangers.

"Chubby people are much more jolly and generally nicer people than skinny people. Skinny people are mean and cold hearted." - said by my gran when I was 12.

(I just had a fast metabolism)

See, from those descriptions, I’m picturing someone fabulous!!!

@NormasArse aaah your too kind!

My mother telling me I was a mistake when I was in my early teens and she wasn’t going to waste anymore more time on me.
my wife telling me when she was drunk that if she ever had another man he would be bigger than me and a better lover

My Mum to my auntie when I was 14: “it’s a good job she’s clever because she is not an attractive girl”. I have felt ugly ever since.

My Dad last year: “look at the size of her, it’s obvious she’s already diabetic and she’ll be dead before she’s 60. And she’ll deserve it because she won’t be told”. I am 51, I am overweight but I am not diabetic or pre diabetic. I am fat because I have some long term health problems which he is well aware of. I can’t get those words or the venom in his voice out of my head.

I'm from London - 'You're butters (ugly)' - local teenage boys

'Everyone laughs at you' - from my Mum

'You're a bit too free with your love' - my stepdad, when I was being groomed

'Your family dont love you' - said by a kid at school, who I'm not sure knew how bang on she was

'Youre ashamed of your daughter' - said by my step dad because I wanted to keep her away from the bullies i'd dealt with

Safe to say, I'm estranged from them all and have survived 🙌

My father told me my happy marriage was all thanks to my husband. So that's nice.

I'm not worried about it being true (it isn't), but I am disgusted that he felt that was a decent thing to say to his daughter.

Fatso - my mum's 'sweet' pet name for me, said in a sneering voice.

Huge kerfuffles about finding 'fat' me clothes to wear. Looking back at photos I was solid and tall but not fat. The other women in my family are slim and petite, I follow my Dad's side who are big-boned and robust.

You'll never find a man to marry you looking like that. (I did...err, 3 times!)

I love you but I don't like you.

You have to do whatever your husband wants.

At least he doesn't hit you.

(These all from my mum. For clarity, my Dad was the sweetest man imaginable and never laid a hand on her. She bullied him.)

I was also 'negged' at school as I am female autistic and was bright but didn't have the common sense to hide it.
Side note and tangent alert...I mask well, but have recently made a conscious decision not to as much when in social situations. Result is much more interesting conversations and a lot more time cheerfully being the one who clears up/washes up/sorts out drinks, so as to get time to process and decompress! It's only taken me 50 plus years.

I also don't have a 'proper' man in my life, for the first time and am very happy. SEE MUM, I DIDN'T NEED A HUSBAND!

Being the weird one is quite cool.

I love you but I don’t like you
Fatty used as a nickname as a child
You only suit plain colours
your mother looks much better than you in a swimsuit
We were waiting for this to happen (When I found out my husband had been cheating on me. )

You must be jealous of your sister ( i.e she is obviously more attractive than you)

I could go on and on .

My mum abandoned me when I was a child. She died when I was in my twenties and I done the right thing arranged her funeral etc alongside my estranged aunt.

my birthday was two months later, and her sister sent me a text on the day saying “she understood why my mum left me, I was very unloveable”

@LemonViewer
what a weird thing for her to say when she was presumably your mum’s age!

My stepfathers constant vicious and rage fuelled taunts. It totally destroyed me. It's taken me years to even begin to enjoy my life.

Moved to a new place with mum and stepdad age 17. Tried to find a job locally and ended up in a really awful place, mostly guys, and getting constant sexual harassment- although I had no idea this was an actual thing! Finally threw in the towel after a few months and a 'straw that broke' moment. I walked out with one of the guys chasing me up the road in his car saying that they'll never give me a reference but didn't turn back.

I got picked up by my mum a bit later and although visibly upset, her words of comfort were 'it must be really difficult when you've got very successful parents'.

It took me years to work out and unfortunately many more abusive situations that went completely over my head, she was actually incredibly jealous of me and all of it was a competition.

I am now a private health worker. Successful in that I'm happy, healthy and earn a good, if not huge living helping other people. If there had to be a winner (and I'd rather not), I'd say it was me.

When i was about 14 a friend of my mum’s told me how much she disliked me when i was a kid, and proceeded to elaborate about it for an hour.
I felt this weird sensation on my scalp as she was saying these things to me.

I now understand that was shame and embarrassment.

As an adult, i can’t fathom saying that to a kid.

My mom was forever banging on about my weight as a child saying I was fat, I was skinny as hell.

When I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years, I was told "Lose some weight and you'll find somebody nice" so the comments continue

Now after being cheated on several times by long term partners whom I have children with, I now have an eating disorder

If you’re going to complain about it, do something about it: if you’re not going to do anything about it, stop complaining. It’s one of my mantras now (even though the fella who said it wasn’t very nice

When I was younger I had naturally curly hair- whenever I wore it down and natural my mum would tell me to brush it and it looked a mess etc. She would be so mean about it like ‘oh dd why is your hair all ‘out’ like that?! It looks like a birds nest!’.
She never accepted the curls and would insist on blow drying my hair into a frizzy mess until I got older and let it dry naturally.
It really gave me a complex about my hair and I’d always tie it into an bun..,until I started going out at uni and people would comment on how amazing my hair was. Now it’s one of my favourite things about myself and I love my curls.
My family would always compare me unfavourably to my sister and ‘wish’ I could be good like her, would make comments about her beautiful straight blonde hair etc, how clever she was. Our Mum was very bitchy to me in general, but would use my sisters to drive home the point.
Anyway, I used to have a real complex about being the ugky sister until I stayed in my uni town and realised my mum favoured my sister because she was very similar to her. Luckily for me, the comments that were so hurtful then hold no power over
me now and I’m so glad and grateful to be living my own life away from theirs!
I’m so sorry for everyone who has been hurt and how it has affects you X

My heart goes out to the posters on this thread. I hope you have all found peace x

When my mother happened to see my underwear drying on the rack, she picked up a thong and said I was asking to be raped if I went around wearing that. What she didn’t know was that a few months earlier, I had been raped. I never told her, initially in an attempt to protect her from the distress of it, but later because I knew she’d never understand.

(I know her words were not true, I know that I didn’t deserve it, but it still stung)

I had a similar experience when i was about 17.
One of my bf’s friends didn’t like me, and because he was such an arse, the feeling was mutual.

When my bf’s mum had a little do in the pub before he went to university, his pal decided to give a speech in front of everyone.
He gave my bf a gift of condoms.

I was fucking furious, but said nothing in the moment, but my bf looked straight at me and knew I was going to lose my temper.
As soon as his mate was finished, my bf dashed over to me and told me not to say anything.
I made no promises.

I was mortified and fucking livid.