What harsh words from others have stuck with you for life?

[blackbutterfly22]

''You really aren't very photogenic, are you?' (Said by my ex husband about 25 years ago and still haunts me to this day when someone takes my photo).

'You'll never find anyone again' . (Said when I got divorced 8 years ago and I truly now believe that there is something wrong with me as despite dating lots, no one seems to want to be my special person.)

Anyone have comments from others that keep rearing their heads throughout life?

From mother (among many many more delights)

• You weren't worth the pain of childbirth
• You're a burden (regularly through childhood)
• Your dad wanted to get you aborted (he did)
• When I die I'm going to haunt you (thankfully didn't come true)
• Your ex was right when he said you were the worst person he had ever met
• No wonder your dad hates you (he did)
• Your boyfriend always flirts with me (she thought everbody fancied her at 50 more than me at 17).
• I hope you die a lonely, painful death (said when she was dying and wanted to me to know if she was in pain then I better die in pain too
• Trying to speak to her when I was an adult about the abuse 'You were just a bad child. I was a great mum'
• Lots of occasions of being mocked/humiliated/ridiculed in front of family friends and relations so my mum could get a laugh from them at my expense. I was generally in the 4-10 age group
• Mocking my mental health problems and telling everyone I was crazy (I do have MH problems thanks to her so at least there was some truth to that one)
• Trying to convince me to kill myself so we could 'die together' as I would never manage without her (she was terminally ill and furious she was dying and I was not)
• Telling boyfriend (in front of me plus my dad), don't worry you'll be able to manipulate my daughter. Later on denied she said it when I brought it up. She always denied horrible things she said even when there were witnesses.

From Dad (among other delights)

• I don't love anyone except this woman here (gesturing to my mum). I said 'you don't mean that dad. Surely you love your kids' 'Nope' says my dad quite seriously. Mum (diagnosed BPD) sits smugly and says nothing.
• Eh nothing (my dad generally didn't speak to me or have any interest in me unless it was to defend/support my mum when she was abusing us.
• On his deathbed (I was looking after him) I thought you only came to visit me for my money (no dad trying to win your love, approval, attention, acceptance)
• You're a using cunt (said after they let me stay at their house for several weeks and I wouldn't do something my dad requested right there and then as I was busy moving house)
• Looking after him while he was dying ' out of all my children I thought you'd be the last one to help' (I was the only one who looked after him)

The old bastards are dead now.

Oh another delight from my mother worth mentioning

When she and my dad argued she would use the kids to get her own way by telling us we were going to have to leave and sleep on the streets because my dad was throwing us out.
Me and my little brother would cry and scream with utter terror and beg my dad not to throw us out on the streets (I used to wet myself and suck my thumb at an age I shouldn't have due to huge anxiety). My dad would be forced to back down to my mum to get us to calm down.

This was how she used to win arguements. I was around 6 and my little brother was around 3

Fun times

Good hairy grief! I'm amazed you went to them when they were dying or ever had anything to do with them once you left home. What a pair of sickos. I can well believe your mom had BPD. It was quite a severe case from the sound of it.

You must be a very positive/nice person to think she might have had a kind side to her. I looked after her for the last 6 years of her (latterly demented) life (she was amputee in wheelchair, we live in bungalow) and a more cruel, opinionated person I would have difficulty in imagining. She had such a malign influence over my Mum, brother and me.

It's so strange for me when strangers a) believe me and b) say yes it was abuse.
After years of being called a 'drama queen' or mentally ill for objecting to their behaviour it is almost eerie when someone says 'yes that wasn't normal and yes you weren't making it up' and 'yes it wasn't you'

Re looking after them - it's a strange one. You are sort of trained (brainwashed) to look after them from a very young age. Certainly everyone in the family had to tiptoe round my mum and keep her happy (an impossible task for long).
At 19 I was summoned home to 'fix your mum' because she was depressed. That was my job and I did it well. 19 year old me came running home from 500 miles away to take her out, cheer her up and 'fix her'. Then I could return to my own life. Many a christmas was ruined if my mum didn't like her presents. Who says xmas is for small children. Not in our house.

No matter what was going on with my life, my mum took precedence. Night before important school exams they were arguing/screaming whilst I was trying to sleep. I very politely asked them if they could try and be quieter because of my exams the next day and got screamed 'fuck off' by my mum. They then continued arguing. I wasn't shocked just resigned. It was all very 'normal'

I hate my mums guts but I love her. I'm terrified of her but I needed her. I'm utterly brainwashed into believing I'm the piece of shit she always told me I was.

So yes I looked after her when she was dying and it was the worst 5 years of my life and it was no joke to say when she lasted much longer than anticipated I thought I was going to have to check out myself to get away from her.

I wouldn't have been able to stand the guilt of not doing it and i wasn't able to stand the abuse and torture from doing it. It's probably hard to understand.

My dad is trickier. He didn't really abuse me apart from the odd cruel thing. Mostly just ignored me and tried to have nothing to do with me. However he supported and defended my mum when she was up to her tricks. I think he threw us to the wolves to save himself. I don't hate him as much but maybe I should. He was very depressed, very anxious and it's hard to hate someone when they are being abused also. I didn't mind looking after him when he was dying in fact it was the only time in my life my dad was pleased to see me (because he was incapacitated). My mum was screaming and yelling at my dad (days before he died) because she wasn't getting attention so my dads GP had to remove him from the home to try and get him some peace. Unfortunately my mum continued to abuse him by phone in the hospital until the nurse took my dads phone away. He died 2 days later. I guess I was trying to protect him from her so he could die in peace.

Thanks for listening and believing me!
Off to do some more disordered eating now!

I asked my Nan if my bum looked fat in some jeans I was wearing and she said I was fat all over, not just my bum 😂… it did spur me on to join WW and lose 3.5 stone.

Husband said: If it wasn't for John, I would be after her like a shot.

John is his best friend and "her" was John's girlfriend. We had been married for about 5 years at that point, with a baby. John had just met his girlfriend.

Basically me husband was telling me that he fancied his best mate's girlfriend so much that he was pissed off that John had met him first and me the baby wouldn't have stopped him.

So hurtful on many levels.

My horrible mother who regularly told me that she regretted having me. Told me I would not amount to anything and all I did was sit on my fat arse. Said she didn't know what my then boyfriend, now DH saw in me.

Mum went through a lot of men after my dad left and I told her one had touched me and was making me uncomfortable.

she screamed at me she needed a man and stop lying

she then went onto meet last husband and he abused me sexually.
She wanted me to go stay with my Auntie but I wasn’t allowed to tell her why?

I ran away and got told by the police to suck it up it can’t be that bad 1979 this was so i was 14 at the time as your new dad has money. I was beaten that day when I got dropped off. Never said a word again and left the minute I turned 16 and went to my Aunts.

Mum was furious and told her whatever I said was bullshit and lies. my Aunt believed me.

mum was always on the phone along with him screaming at me to return as I was the only daughter and I had a duty to them. I refused cos I knew what was in store for me and wouldn’t have been pretty.

fast forward a good few years and she manages to get my number and phones like we’d only spoken the day before to tell me your dads dying and I was like and. She called me every name under the sun that day and whilst doing so I hung up the phone. Then she phones again to tell me he’d been arrested on historical sex crimes and I wasn’t to tell anyone what he did to me, that was an eye opener as then I knew she knew all along what he was doing and did nowt. . It didn’t go to court only because the bastard died.

I didn’t go to his funeral and she again phoned to berate me for not attending. I said very calmly he wasn’t my father so why should I go.

my mother lived another 10 years after his death and the amount of times I changed my home phone and mobiles was ridiculous.

I involved the police in the end as it was harassment. She ignored it of course as she said I was hers like I was property. When she was admitted to hospital she told the nurses I was looking after her.

Like hell I was as they wanted me to do a care package which I refused and got it’s your duty and I’m like nope contact adult social services or my brother.

My brother all happy to take her money and being the golden child didn’t step up but it was all my fault of course.

I did go to her funeral only to make sure she was actually dead. I didn’t sit in the front and a lot of folks didn’t actually know who I was.

my brother then tell me I wasn’t in the will and it was all his which I laughed at like a cared

it wasn’t by the way and he refused to do anything when he realised so I was left to clear the house out and sell it and bloody hell was he a nippy fukker over that. I took everything off from the estate for all the repairs and painting etc. he was furious and said I can’t. I can and did. Then he wanted a bigger share as I didn’t need it he did. No mate you’re just a greedy bastard.

all dead now bar the brother sadly who didn’t get his way and I am NC with and it’s bliss.

that was therapeutic

My husband's family including his parents who hate me for a trillion different reasons ....

One of them is I'm 59 and have been crippled with both rheumatoid and osteoarthritis since I was 29 although medics think I've had it since my teens as it can lay unnoticed for years.

Hubby's family are quite fit and sporty and I'm not physically able to do such things. They can see I'm disabled with my hands and fingers all knocked up with knobby bones, they can see my weird walking, the way I have to hold my body, use a walking stick and a 4-wheeled seated Rollator. I also have a permanently damaged bad back that also has me in agonizing 24/7/365 pain. They can SEE ...

Years ago, one of the many vicious emails hubby's parents sent him complaining bitterly about a load of things about me said, and these are their exact words ''she hasn't really got arthritis and if she has she's exaggerating it''.

They don't want a ''ugly fat unfit freak'' like me in their slim gorgeous sporty family.

I never ever forgave the arseholes for that and I never will.

Thankfully both parents are in their 90s now and hopefully the nasty vindictive pair of old witches will drop dead soon!

Wow sevenwondersofthewoo well done on standing up to your brother
I'm glad you are enjoying your life now without your horrible family around ❤️

Screamtillyoufeelbetter what a horrific story. I feel so sad for you and your brother. Poor terrified little babies , your parents were evil. They should have protected you but all they did was terrorise. I'm glad you are without them now. The world is a better place without evil bullies like them for sure.

There's probably lots of things honestly.

But one thing that always sticks with me is the first time I met my midwife when I was a few weeks pregnant. She came to my house to meet me and my husband and get medical history etc. She said, "you'd be so pretty if you lost weight" and then turned to my husband and said, "wouldn't she? Don't you think she'd be prettier if she lost weight?"

That sounds horrific. You are such a strong person to survive it all and come out stronger. I hope you are proud of yourself ❤️

Oh yeeees

Mother was cracker at one liners that destroyed me when younger

from " you'll never get anyone who loves you like he does " ( I did btw , a few !) when I broke up with first love

To " you'll get a man because you are pretty but when he knows you he'll not want you , your sister won't attract a man with her looks but when she gets someone he'll stay because she's nice "

Both me and sister got a complex from this one .

" you're too much , too deep " ( er no I'm enough and your shallow was my answer

Hurt deeply at the time but now I wonder WTH 🤦🏻‍♀️

"you're are stupid, fat, ugly and will never find anyone else" said by my exh as he left 14 years ago.

He was right about the fat and never find someone else. Mainly because I love food and lost all trust in men.

Gosh that is absolutely awful and so unprofessional. Especially with you in early pregnancy, omg. Hope you reported her. Your dh must have been raging.

My mother loved the idea of me spending my life alone and penniless in a bedsit that stank of the previous tenant's piss and cigarettes.

She must have been so disappointed that I wasn't able to oblige.

ScreamTillYouFeelBetter

I understand completely. It's so complicated. 🩷

My Ex telling me that I wasn’t as ‘adult’ as his (younger than me) older sister, I’m presuming because I don’t drive. I’m very independent and have never relied on anyone to transport me anywhere but I’m guessing he was annoyed at being the only one who could drive the two hours to his the parents. I remember at the time thinking that the statement was just silly. The statement hasn’t stuck with me in a painful way but rather a reminder that even in ‘happier’ times the signs were there early on that he was a dick.

Im sure other people have tried to belittle me but I can’t remember because I just can’t see the point in giving someone else that kind of power over me. Never give someone the power to make you feel bad about yourself, is something that I really believe in.

My mum basically calling me a waste if space, calling me a shit mother to my children because my teenager decided one week to go leave at his dads after not wanting to follow my rules. He fell out with his dad the previous week and was staying at mine. Apparently I reap what I sow for getting married and having other dc instead of remaining single and ds being my sole focus. Turns out he was found doing drugs at his dads house which I suspected after some peer pressure. Since had a chat about the fact he can just move from house to house if he doesn't like what the other parent says.

My mother told me I spend far too much time with my dds hobby which she loves
( swimming) and I give my special needs son a pat on the head whenever I go past as token gesture. I do so much for him fighting for his education ensuring he is adequately supported. Take him out try several activities which he has struggled with but also respect his need to have a quite place to relax due to his autism. She has no understanding of his need to self regulate and that he gets overwhelmed.

My mother will bark at me and talk down to me. She bullied my poor father before he went in the care home and my poor auntie before she died. Nasty piece of work. She will happily play the victim when challenged. Such a vicious woman. Funny enough she says what a vicious woman her own mother was. I never met her as she died before I was born. I miss my auntie every day as she was a much nicer person.

sometimes it’s not that you believe the words but the fact they’ve said it that is hurtful – the motivation to be mean or cruel, or the experience of being badly let down

@Booboobedooo
sometimes it’s not that you believe the words but the fact they’ve said it that is hurtful – the motivation to be mean or cruel, or the experience of being badly let down.

I get what you saying but at that point in my relationship (which I didn’t realise at the time) I was detaching incrementally from him. I wasn’t hurt by his words, it was just another chip in the deeply held respect I once had for him.

I was a chubby child and my mum was remarrying and looking for an outfit for me to wear to the wedding. I must have been about 8 (so over 40 years ago!! . We went to a material shop as my gran was going to make me a dress. My mum said "we have to make her a dress because she is too fat". I will never forget her words. By 18 I was anorexic.

I think you should report that person. How unprofessional and vile. They are not allowed to talk to you like that.