DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Dangerous man. Gettt

He'll kill you if you stay. Please get out.

You can definitely contact the police, he just assaulted you!!
don’t blame yourself for not having a job, he controlled you out of it. Contact the police, tell them about last year and that you lied to the hospital (they will have seen and heard it before, don’t be ashamed!) and get him out. Start looking for a job as soon as you can. Take in a lodger?

Are you ok OP? I hope you are safe.

He's going to murder you if you stay. Sorry to be blunt but there's no way this is ever going to get better and it will get worse. There isn't much worse for it to get, so you are in extreme danger.

Your kids would not adore him if they knew the truth. He does not deserve their adoration based on them being lied to. Tell them - tell everyone. Get out fast and carefully.

How long were you together when you moved in, abusive men will pressure you so they can control you.

WHY WHY WHY ???????

Why are you with an animal?

That's all I can think of to say.

Get him arrested, ffs.

Let's be practical.
Can you phone the police now and report him, they will take him or make him leave.
This should be your first step.
The morning is too many hours away you need to do this NOW.
Next is to get support as you will need it, it can be someone you know or an agency like womens aid.
After that then you can move out or throw him out and get a non-molestation order and a panic alarm.
Then the last thing will be sorting out your finances.

Please please do this now, as show your children you are not a doormat or a punching ball, you need to be strong and we are all here willing you on and here for advice as between us all we will have your answers x

Ah Op please leave him ASAP.

I have been on here over a decade. This is the worst thread I have read. And I have read many things.

What are you waiting for? For him to blind you? Mash up your face again and disfigure you? Paralyse you? Be left in a coma with a feeding tube? Or just death? Because tbh I would probably prefer death over a few of the above options.

Seriously do something!!! Now! Get up while he’s sleeping. Leave the house. And call the police.

but this one told me I would never have to work again. And he would support me , which he has done

That's come at quite a price though, hasn't it.

Leave, get bens, find a job, keep your life.

Why are you focussing so much on his affair and not the fact he broke your cheek bone so badly you require surgery?!

What is wrong with you??

Yes, he’s probably cheating on you - but so what?

He broke your face!!

Thank you everyone. I honestly didnt k ow where to turn. But from all of your advice etc has got me a cab to my amazing sister tonight who is looking after me.
I know I need to tell my kids... I do think I may have more support than I think..
I really lo e to hear all your thoughts and really appreciate. I've tried do hard to just think it just because 'he has issues'
He told me before I left that I wont get a penny from him again.
I can deal with that. I'm trying to be strong.
I will update tomorrow, thankyou

You need to tell you children that he broke your cheekbone and what’s happened tonight.

Text him randomly about the cheekbone and see if he replies in a way which incriminates him. If he does, show it to the police.

Or text him about your eyes hurting after he dug his thumbs into them.

Abusers rely on you being embarrassed to tell friends or family. It’s how they get away with it.

Can you go and stay with your sister ?

Tell everybody !!

Cross posted.
Glad you’re going to your sister

You don’t need his money. Your children are adults so you don’t have childcare problems. Get a job. I don’t understand why you don’t have a job. You had a new job when you first got with him but immediately quit to live off this guy? So you were trapped from the very beginning. Why?
Kick him out. Get a job.

That's exactly it. In so embarrassed as they said it was too soon. It's so complicated.

Thank you all in safe with my sister but I'm definitely putting the wheels in motion for him to leave.

Be very careful. You have to get away from this man, but him knowing you are planning to leave is likely to trigger further and worse violence. Women’s Aid can advise. Pick safe times to phone. Use private browsing. Good luck.

Violent men get violent when confronted – the issue of whether he's actually cheating or not is beside the point at this stage. Your partner is violent and controlling. Him telling you to sack off your job before you'd even started it is classic controlling behaviour, he did it to isolate you from any connections or interests outside of the relationship, so he can control you better.
Making you financially dependent on him is another classic controlling behaviour.
Please, please seek help – this man is a very real danger to you and you need to get away from him. For this you'll need support, as controlling men are most violent when they realise that their partner is about to leave them (so definitely don't tell him that you're making plans to leave before you've actually got away). There are some useful contacts for support and advice here: https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/
and
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/
When you say he 'put his fingers in my eyes' this phrase minimises the horrific reality of what he was actually doing: he was trying to gouge your eyes out. Please don't kid yourself that he isn't capable of following through on this – he's already beaten you so badly that your cheekbone broke. He does not care about your physical safety. Hoping very much that you can seek help and be safe.

Sorry to add a negative post but...

This is the most dangerous time for you.

Please seek expert help from the police and contact Women's Aid.

He has nothing to lose now. Do not go back to the house or meet up with him.

Well done on leaving.

Thank you all so much
I called my sister for ages and she eventually answered and has allowed me to stay with her tonight. I cant sleep and just don't know how to deal with the situation tomorrow

Should I just say for him to go? He guilt trips me by saying hes paid everything in to my house.. and he has... I am just so heartbroken that he has done this.

He sent me a text message tonight after I didnt answer the phone calling me a 'butch' so the little man thinks I'm butch.

Don't have any further contact with him.

I would call the police now (if you can't sleep) then you can decide where to stay in the short term.

Run

So pleased that you've moved out .... I can't begin to imagine how terrifying life has been for you. Don't get drawn back to him, never meet him alone, and please find the strength to report him to the police - he should be locked up. Good luck, take care, keep strong x

Do your adult kids know that he punched you in the face and caused the damage?