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Original poster

DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

470 replies

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 22:55

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Original poster
Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:26

DreamTheMoors · 24/07/2024 23:25

Dead women don’t need money. They don’t need a roof over their head, they don’t need food or water or clothing. They don’t need to pay for the electric, they have no need for entertainment, they don’t buy gifts for family, they don’t go on vacay. They don’t have school fees, they don’t buy sweets or crisps, they don’t have social lives, they don’t tithe, they don’t own cars, they don’t ride the bus or train and they don’t ride a bike.
They don’t do anything, they don’t go anywhere.
Because they’re dead

Wow. Thank you so much. I am crying.
Thank you to everyone who has replied.

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 24/07/2024 23:26

And please tell your kids/family what's going on. They might be shocked or whatever but they'll wish they knew if something worse happens. And even if tonight would be the last ever time he did anything like that, why should he be made out to be perfect when he isn't?

Yellowcakestand · 24/07/2024 23:28

You need to tell your family and friends the truth.
That was you will be stronger after leaving as you will have their support.
I did this for 11 years. Now in therapy and DC affected. Get out before he kills you. Whether he is cheating doesn't matter. It's prob a good thing as he has a distraction.

He is violent because he is violent,a woman beater and controlling. It will not get better, only worse.

MyCatsAreFuckwits · 24/07/2024 23:28

Darling, this is terrible.
He smashed up your face leaving it needing to be rebuilt.
The eyes thing is a whole new level, really it is. That is chilling.
I suspect what you have written here is only the tip of the iceberg.
This is probably one of the saddest and scary things I have read on here (& I have read a lot)
PLEASE make plans to leave ASAP.

gano · 24/07/2024 23:30

It doesn't matter whether he's cheating. He's violent. You seem more hung up on whether he's seeing his ex, than you are about the fact that he broke your face. What planet are you on?! He could kill you.

Dotto · 24/07/2024 23:32

Violent men get violent when confronted. It doesn't matter if he's cheating, how you have acted, if he's drunk, if people think the sun shines out if his ass, or anything else.

He will kill you unless you can safely leave. Please contact Women's Aid and keep safe.

Your loved ones will be rightly revolted by him when they learn the truth.

yhk · 24/07/2024 23:34

It may be hard for you to take in right now, but you need to leave him. He has already caused severe injuries and could very well take it further.

If you are not up for reporting him to the police yet, you don't have to. The important thing is to get out of there and keep yourself safe, then figure out what you want to do.

It is not normal for somebody to become physically aggressive when challenged about something they don't want to talk about.

cestlavielife · 24/07/2024 23:34

Get out now
At least in the morning
Straight to police
He is not a twat he is a violent abusive man who would leave you dead
He knows you let him back in
He knows it does not take much
Change is down to you to get out

twodowntwotogo · 24/07/2024 23:34

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 22:55

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

  1. Leave
  2. Report his violent assault on you last year to the police
  3. Get a job, doesn't matter where, and never ever be financially dependent on a romantic/sexual partner again
Original poster
Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:35

MyCatsAreFuckwits · 24/07/2024 23:28

Darling, this is terrible.
He smashed up your face leaving it needing to be rebuilt.
The eyes thing is a whole new level, really it is. That is chilling.
I suspect what you have written here is only the tip of the iceberg.
This is probably one of the saddest and scary things I have read on here (& I have read a lot)
PLEASE make plans to leave ASAP.

You are right thankyou. I can't quite everyone but I thank you all.

And its made me realise the cheating isn't the issue. It's the violence.

He is in bed snoring while I can't sleep. We booked a weekend away this weekend, I'm gonna cancel it now.

All of you are keeping me strong

OP posts:
Zonder · 24/07/2024 23:35

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:13

Thank you all for replying, I just need a kick up the arse.
He is so charming in other ways, he will be all apologetic in the morning but I've had a fucking gut full.

He also said other stuff to me , but if I put it here it would honestly sound unbelievable.

Tell us. Write it down here, those other things that he said to you that would sound unbelievable. Put it here in black and white as a record for yourself.

This is not a man who loves you.

Ubugly · 24/07/2024 23:35

What the fuck? He will kill you and or your children. He says not to work so he can control you. Call the police and tell your children.

gano · 24/07/2024 23:35

He is controlling and violent. Of course he didn't want you to be financially self sufficient. Because then you are reliant on him, and he can treat you like crap and beat you because you both know that your options are limited. Don't let him do that to you, walk away. At least then you'll be safe and alive.

hayley013 · 24/07/2024 23:36

Literally today a woman near where I live died as a result of her partner assaulting her, she has left 4 children behind, leave him before you are killed

LegendInMyOwnLunchtime · 24/07/2024 23:36

What do you mean, he put his thumbs in your eyes? It sounds a cruel, vicious and cold blooded thing to do.

That’s why you should call the police.

Are you hurt? Do you need medical attention? Did he assault you in any other way?

PerfectTravelTote · 24/07/2024 23:38

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:10

I honestly thought he was going to kill me tonight.
Do cheating men get violent when confronted? He was so vile

No. Violent men get violent when confronted.

StormingNorman · 24/07/2024 23:39

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:20

To answer some questions, I do some jobs , but not to financially support me. I took a job when we first met but he told me to tell them on the day I was supposed to start to bin it off
He's said some awful things tonight in his pissed up state. That's why I am asking for advice as it's been going on too long now. And I thank you all, I cant sleep and am so gutted its come to this

Telling you not to work is a form of control. He is trying to rob you of independence and freedom and choice.

Can you call WomensAid tomorrow?

Do you have friends or family you can visit for a night or two to collect your thoughts? Pretend you’re helping them with an emergency.

Original poster
Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:40

Zonder · 24/07/2024 23:35

Tell us. Write it down here, those other things that he said to you that would sound unbelievable. Put it here in black and white as a record for yourself.

This is not a man who loves you.

Show quote history

He told me he thinks I'm a lesbian , no reason for him to think it,,, he said I would he the butch one no idea why as I am 5ft 5 and slim and feminine. It could be because he is a shorter than most man,.
He was vile. Then started to put his thumbs in my eye sockets and told me he could poke them out and everyone elses .

OP posts:
loropianalover · 24/07/2024 23:42

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:40

He told me he thinks I'm a lesbian , no reason for him to think it,,, he said I would he the butch one no idea why as I am 5ft 5 and slim and feminine. It could be because he is a shorter than most man,.
He was vile. Then started to put his thumbs in my eye sockets and told me he could poke them out and everyone elses .

Show quote history

Can you call the police now while he’s asleep?

Original poster
Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:42

Also please no disrespect to lesbian women who can be all shapes and sizes, but his ex looks like a barbie doll

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 24/07/2024 23:42

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:40

He told me he thinks I'm a lesbian , no reason for him to think it,,, he said I would he the butch one no idea why as I am 5ft 5 and slim and feminine. It could be because he is a shorter than most man,.
He was vile. Then started to put his thumbs in my eye sockets and told me he could poke them out and everyone elses .

Show quote history

Well, you soon won't need to pay any mind to what that dickhead has to say.

Please go to the police.

This is extreme violence.

Don't worry about the holiday or anything else. You will have plenty of fun in the future, without him.

WalkingaroundJardine · 24/07/2024 23:45

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:22

Also , my kids don't know. They think he's amazing , as he always acts it in front of everyone

But imagine how they would feel if your partner was so violent that one day he killed you or caused a serious permanent injury? For the rest of their lives your kids will feel crushed that they couldn’t protect you. Please tell them now and let them help you. They are adults now, not underaged children.

DreamTheMoors · 24/07/2024 23:46

Have you seen the movie The Shawshank Redemption, @Mindyourownbusinessmadam ?
There’s a line in it that Andy Dufresne says that has stayed with me since the first time I saw it:

”Get busy living or get busy dying.”

The only thing you have to do is will yourself to pick up the phone and dial 999 (is it? I’m not in the UK).
That one call will literally save your life.
If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your children and the rest of your family. But I beg of you — do it for yourself. Value yourself enough that someone putting their hands on you is unacceptable.
Sending love and support from California. ❤️

localnotail · 24/07/2024 23:47

OMG you need to leave or YOU WILL DIE. Forget about the exes, the money, the cheating. He already hurt you, next time might be your last.

Don't be another statistic.