DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

I am sorry if I have misunderstood, but has he moved into your home? Does he have any claim on it (legally, not what he says he is "owed"). In which case call the police, tell them what he did and that you want him removed but you are terrified of him.

They will help you.

And agree to whatever charges they want to bring against him as it sounds like he will a) smash your house to pieces (he will, been there done that) and b) stalk you.

FFS, whatever else you do, stay as far away from him as you can.

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam the cheating part is the least of your worries where this highly abusive male is concerned. He should be in prison for what he did to you. If you tolerate this he will go further and further and could kill you. If he ever puts his hands around your throat you must get to safety immediately.

Just to answer some questions
My kids don't know what he did last year. They knew I was hospitalized and suspected domestic violence
I protected the fucker !
I'm sitting here in tears

I don't even think hes bothered.

He has no legal claim on my home

If my mum's boyfriend was beating her up I would want to know. What child wouldn't?! Keeping your adult children in the dark because they like him is a betrayal of them and you. They need to know what he's done so they will stop liking him. He doesn't deserve for them to like him. He's a terrible excuse for a human being and not letting them know that is a lie by omission.

Nobody, just nobody has enough issues in life to justify putting their thumbs into your eyes, or smashing your face.
I'm so glad you have got out Sweetheart.
I have been checking in on your thread, so worried for you
This might not seem it, and it may be a struggle at the start.

This will be the making of you, you WILL be OK and it will be all right.

Sleep well Darling x

This man poses an extreme threat to you and he will not change.
If you're worried about money, use the https://entitledto.co.uk/ or https://www.turn2us.org.uk/ benefits calculators, or go to Citizens Advice for a benefits check.

Do you have a cam at home? Never blackmail him.

He isnt bothered.

They never are.

My ex (I married him, I wore bruise concealer on my wedding day ffs) was the same. Would get tanked up, batter me and then sleep soundly and be all contrite the next day.

Run as far and as fast as you can, and get him out with help.

Also, just because you lied to protect him last time, I did that too as a lot of us do, doesnt mean that the police wont believe you. They have seen it all before. It takes abuse survivors years sometimes to leave.

I mean I would regard my DH being a twat the times he doesn't put his own dishes in the dishwasher, doesn't park his car in the right spot so I have to move it before I can park and eating my favorite ice cream and not replacing it. No time has he ever laid a hand on me. My experience is normal, yours not so much!

I think it's utterly ridiculous you stayed after he hurt you the first time but now a second time. If you don't leave there will be a third. How many red flags do you need. Open your eyes.

So glad you are out of there.
Hoping that he doesn’t know where you are so that he won’t come looking for you tomorrow.
Glad that he has another woman - less likely that he will you but will try to get (back?) with her and leave you in peace…
was the ex really messaging him or was he trying to control her as well as you? Or was she messaging him to tell him to stop contacting her? Do you know how bad his abuse of her was? Because if he has done this to you, he will have done stuff to her too.

good luck op - hoping that the morning brings you a new life away from this abusive man.

You need to report him to the police as soon as possible. Doesn’t matter if the attack was last year or last week.

When he is out of the house get an emergency locksmith to change the locks as soon as possible. Put all his shit in bin bags outside.

Text him it’s over and that he can go live with his friends/parents/ex/wherever. Then block his number. Block all of his social media accounts. Change your number and only give it out to trusted family members and friends.

Your children need to know what’s going on.

It might be best if you stay away from your house for a few nights. Can you stay with your sister or children or book yourself into a hotel? You don’t want him turning up to harass you.

If he does- keep a log and report everything to the police. Speak to WomensAid. Tell your family.

Please also seek therapy to improve your self
esteem and be able to live a happy life and get some financial independence.

Good luck OP. You can do this, you can leave him. You deserve so much better.

Oh thank you all so much.for the advice. Honestly I can't thank you all enough.
It was really my last resort.
Last year after he punched myface in , the surgeons knew. .he sat there asking what time my operation was and would get annoyed if it was delayed etc

Didn't read more than the first 2 lines.
Leave him, talk to refuge/womens aid how to do this safely.
He. Will. Kill. You.
Leave please, don't be a statistic.

I saw the messages.he showed me some of them

I'm going through all your messages
Thankyou all
I need to tell him to go now.
How does anyone tell someone who paid the bill to leave.
I want him gone

Sorry to you and anyone who put up with that.
Ineed to leave oe..

She's scared.

But not in the way you think she should be scared, she's scared of him stopping loving her, she's scared about being financially on her own, she's scared of being lonely, about not being believed, about how he may turn this shit arround on her and say she's making it up, she's crazy.

There are so many ways in which she is scared, the violence is just part of that.

He is unpredictable, op doesn't even know how unpredictable he could get, she's trying to manage everthing, her fear, his temper, her future, her children, trying to pretend everything is ok to the outside world just so she can get up the next day and exist and be part of normal society.

She's not, she's entered hell with a violent, sadistic, evil bastard who uses intimidation, and violence to just be cruel to another human.

He is scum.

Op, we all hate him for what he did to you, nothing you did could excuse him from laying one finger on you.

Please trust that others will believe and help you, yes you can still go to the police, although I bet you would rather not, because you are scared of him.

We believe you, and you must believe us when we say that you really could end up dead, it can so easily happen, his temper could so easily go too far, do not trust him to have a boundary on his violence.

x

You deserve a better life than this - stay strong

Wait until he’s left the house and get an emergency locksmith to change the locks. Pack his shit and leave it outside. Have someone there with you, don’t do this alone x

Text or phone him that it’s over, that he is to pick his stuff up asap and leave. Then block him. Please tell the police beforehand. He sounds like a very abusive and dangerous man OP, your safety is paramount here. Please avoid from having to see him face to face.

Try and speak to the police and WomensAid as soon as possible tomorrow morning. Hope you’re able to get some rest in the mean time x

My dear, he may have been 'paying the bills' but you earned that money 10,000,000 times over because you put up with his abuse. Think of him paying those bills as restitution for what you put up with, just as any victim of violence is due restitution for their pain and suffering.

Since you are not married and the house is in your sole name, you could always wait until he leaves and then pack up his stuff, change the locks, and then send a text 'Hit the road, Jack'.

But since he has proven himself to be violent, I suggest you contact either WA or your local police domestic violence team. Tell them the whole unvarnished truth, especially about the facial injuries. They'll understand that victims of domestic violence often lie about their injuries, it's not at all uncommon. Then follow what they tell you. What you do NOT do is confront him in person, alone.

Hopefully, you can stay with your sister until he is out of the house. But if not and you have to go home, please tread very carefully. Say nothing, do nothing. Move quietly but swiftly to follow what you are told to do to get him out.

Can you call the police and ask them to come or be near by when you tell h8m to leave, you need to get him gone but also be safe - pm me if you want, I work for womens aid x

Do not tell him to leave face to face. I know from bitter experience and its common knowledge that men like him are at their most dangerous when they have nothing to lose.You should really have phoned the police and got him to leave but l understand why you just wanted get out.. Phone them tomorrow and tell them what he's done and that its your house, they should attend with you and get him to leave.

You need to get out of this relationship, why do you even care that he's seeing his ex, the fact is he's dangerous and volatile and thinks it's ok to beat women, that should be your issue not the fact that he's seeing an ex. Actually I would be glad if he's seeing someone else , it will be easier to get rid of him. Please leave him or kick him out, this is such a dangerous situation for you and any children you have.