DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Please continue posting. If you have been talked round with promises, then it's still fine to post. Everyone just wants you to be safe. If you need advice then everyone here will try to help.

Absolutely. No judgement here. Just support.

Sending you good thoughts, OP, hope you are okay today.

Please please gather up every bit of courage that you have and tell him to go . I have worked with domestic violence victims and also in the court system and can see the same familiar pattern emerging . You were right to fear for your life !
Please confide in your adult children too . They may adore the “him” they know but I’m sure they won’t adore a man who has punched their mother in the face and caused lasting damage . You will need their support in the coming weeks and months .
Money really isn’t a good reason for staying . Wouldn’t you rather be less well off and live without the fear, the cheating and abuse ? Go to Citizens Advice, they will help you to claim any benefits that you are entitled to and to access other help you may need ( women’s aid etc ).
Don’t give this man any more chances , you may not get a “ next time”. He is dangerous .

Pl we keep posting @Mindyourownbusinessmadam. There a lot of MNers on here rooting for you

I really hope @Mindyourownbusinessmadam that you're safe and well, whatever you decide to do yesterday ❤️

OP - it often takes abuse victims multiple attempts to leave an abuser.

This man is extremely dangerous though - this is not him being a twat - this is him being a potential murderer. Calling him a twat minimises all this. Hideous as it is - the fact that he does things to your face (many abusers punch where the results will not be readily visible) shows that in the moment he utterly loses control. There is a strong possibility of him doing life-changing physical injury to you (he may have done so already) or killing you.

Keep posting here for support, OP.

Exactly this. Those who have been in abusive relationships know how hard it it to leave the confines of the the mental and physical abuse.

Keep posting and ignore the ones that can’t understand your position fully as they’ve never been there.

Don’t ever think police will not take you seriously.

My ex H was mentally abusive and I had to call them and they took it 100% as seriously as if he’d broken my nose. Remove him from our home and arrested him then and there.

Totally agree! I was with my mentally abusive ex for 7 and a half years and even though we didn't live together found it so hard to actually leave the relationship yet my mum is quick to say someone should leave/retaliate when in controlling/violent relationships as if she thinks it's that easy

How are you doing @Mindyourownbusinessmadam? Hope all is okay. Keep coming back here so we can support you x

Hoping you're OK OP xx

Thinking of you today
Take great care

How are doing this evening @Mindyourownbusinessmadam ?

Please leave. I didn't read the thread sorry, but know you need to LTB
Have you kids? Please leave

I fear the OP has let him back in.

OP why are you protecting him ? Talk to your sister and kids - be honest with them and yourself about what’s been happening.
He is a violent man who is abusing you.

I'm.very surprised the police didn't go ahead and charge him for GBH based on the cheekbone incident. Even if you didn't consent to the charge? Surely in hospital the police must have attended? I can't say how strongly I mean this.
Get out now. On your own two legs or it'll be a box.

Same. I really hope not but I wouldn't be surprised at all.

OP told them she fell out of the hot tub.

@TheFormidableMrsC and they believed it? Hello, adult safeguarding??!

I think OP said the medics treating her knew. So it is odd it was never followed up. Sigh

@Catoo yeah, they're so understaffed that I guess it slipped through. But as a DV survivor I know that you fear it will just get worse as they'll blame it on you, even if you don't report.
I really hope and pray to every god and existential entirely that OP will see sense from us and escape.
There is life away from violence. Nobody ever, ever has the right or justification to hurt you.

You need MH support and counselling. You got hospitalised and your eyes poked by him, and your main concern after it was whether he was seeing his ex? That is warped thinking, it really doesn't matter if he is or not, your safety, especially as a mother, is far bigger than that.
It's only been 4 years, was only 3 last year, it should not be such a big deal to end it so there's something wrong in why you haven't been able to. Do you think you can't manage without a man in your life? They really are not so necessary. You can and you will and you will thrive.

I was thinking the same when I was out today. Funny how sometimes you think about certain posters.

Now he knows though that he can put her in Hospital and try and gauge out her eyes and she won't talk to her family or the Police, in his mind he has no consequences.

I just hope she tries to find a way out of the relationship before he kills her.

And what if she has? I appreciate how ludicrous it seems but it's NOT THAT EASY. And I think it's really important in this instance to be conscious of that.

When subject to any type of abuse you become conditioned in a way. And the fact that the OP came to MN fearing her OH is cheating rather than the actual issue of being beaten to a pulp speaks volumes. She clearly knows she needs help and she knows why but the road to realisation isn't necessarily a linear one.

It can be very very difficult for a person in an abusive situation to leave. And while we all fear that the OP 'has let him back in', this is not uncommon.

I guess I am just at pains to reassure @Mindyourownbusinessmadam that if all seems well and you have now reconciled with your partner do please post here for support. It can take time. Violence followed by love bombing is confusing and it would help you to talk it out xx

@CountessWindyBottom i agree with you, it’s not that easy to get out.

However it seemed like the OP had taken the first step of getting to safety. She had left the house and was staying the night at her sisters.

Now if that was my sister who had escaped a violent man, no way would I be letting her return alone, and without informing the police. Without packing his shit, leaving them in bin bags and changing the locks. Then id either let my sister spend a few more nights with me or ensure she’s in a hotel.

The OP continued to post when she returned home and her partner was out. There were multiple posts encouraging her to ring the police and get an emergency locksmith to change the locks. She decided to walk her dog instead. So I can imagine and understand a lot of posters feelings of pure frustration for the OP’s sake.