DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Wow op ive just read this. I hope youre safe. Please update us x

How are you doing @Mindyourownbusinessmadam? I think about you often and hope you are safe. It's okay if you've taken him back - you can still come to this thread and we'll support you.

Take good care x

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam

How are things OP?
Hope you're ok, we're still here for you x

Your problem is that he is violent. He has punched you and now put his thumbs in your eyes. That is not a normal response. You should be able to challenge a partner on ther behaviour without them attacking you.

He is a savage. Abject poverty is preferable to giving him one more minute of your company. You or he needs to leave. Do ou have any family or friends who could help you out? Whose place do you live in?

If you RTFT you'll see that OP was planning to leave a few days ago but we haven't heard from her since.
It's quite worrying....

She was going to walk the dog and then leave?

Totally agree with others. You can come back at anytime to the thread, no matter what's going on

Detest replies like these.

" Get some standards"

If only it was THAT easy to leave an abusive relationship

Agree with you. It’s a despicable post and hopefully hasn’t deterred the @Mindyourownbusinessmadam from returning to the thread.

YES
Rage at being confronted is common in abusive men.

Plan your escape NOW.
Keep it secret - clear your search history after googling. Make sure your phone isnt accessible by him or buy a burner.
Darling youve been through this once, dont let it happen again I'm begging you.

Ring The freephone, 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline 0808 2000 247 asap
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/i-am-still-living-with-my-abuser/
https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/i-am-planning-to-leave-my-abuser/

Also Samaritans who have loads of resources and are great to talk to when in despair, they wont turn you away and are very helpful if you cant get through to anyone else. Dont hangup keep on the phone and they will connect.
call 116 123
If he is well off he will be also agressively defensive of his assets wich will add fuel.
Please dont try to reason with him, or think there is anyway back.
There isnt, you must go forward. Ask for help.

Yes it is.
Thats whats awful about these threads you hear someone in real danger but theres no way to know if theyre safe.
It occurs the only thing one can do is send the thread to the police, what think you?
Howmany days has it been?

Is Mumsnet able to intervene and contact op??

Good question.

I hope everything is okay and you're safe

I’ve reported the thread to MNHQ - just asking if they are able to email or make contact with the OP as a lot of us here are concerned.

@StupendousConfectionary

Thankyou

The thing is, even if MN can contact the OP, chances are they aren't going to come back and say anything about it. Either for confidentiality reasons or because OP has told them not to.

I think we just need to remember that it takes, on average, 7 tries before a woman leaves an abusive relationship. If OP isn't successful this time, hopefully she'll find the resources to be successful the next time.

It’s possible that he took her phone / found her account or something.

At least her sister is now aware.

I respect your courage, stay strong, don’t let him sweet talk his way back in. It’s not going to be easy, but you won’t be being hurt, you won’t be afraid in your home. I wish you only good luck.

Very true and I don’t disagree.

Without reporting the thread and highlighting it to MNHQ they may have been none-the-wiser that the OP hadn’t posted an update on her safety, and that so many of us are now concerned.

Even if MN reach out to her and they don’t hear a response back- is better than doing nothing IMO. Obviously they’re pretty powerless in terms of physically helping the OP leave this man safely, however receiving a supportive email may encourage her to try and leave again.

They've refused to in the past. IDK if they have an exception for DV? But I remember at least one epic Site Stuff discussion about why they can't provide welfare checks and they had a reasonable point.

OP knows where to find us and if it's more serious, then it's a police matter.