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Original poster

DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

470 replies

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 22:55

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

OP posts:
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8
Zonder · 24/07/2024 23:47

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:40

He told me he thinks I'm a lesbian , no reason for him to think it,,, he said I would he the butch one no idea why as I am 5ft 5 and slim and feminine. It could be because he is a shorter than most man,.
He was vile. Then started to put his thumbs in my eye sockets and told me he could poke them out and everyone elses .

Show quote history

That's plenty to pass on to the police.

See how vile he is?

GoodieMcTwoshoes · 24/07/2024 23:47

No amount of money is worth risking dying over @Mindyourownbusinessmadam .

You'll get by financially, it'll be different but better than this.

supercali77 · 24/07/2024 23:48

Call the police, right now, just pick the phone up and do it. then call a family member or friend and ask them to come over. Eff the money and the ex and all that shit. He needs to go immediately, before he has the chance to explain and charm and apologise and grovel. Smashing your face up and pushing your eyeballs in is a hairs breadth from blinding you or causing brain damage.

pottering45 · 24/07/2024 23:48

Jesus Christ. So he's broke your cheekbone, stuck his thumbs into your eyes, is probably cheating with his ex and has a constant reminder of it on his neck as a reminder (that's the least of your problems by the way). What on earth are you doing with him op? It's rare that I casually throw out LTB on here but this is a no brainier. Protect yourself, please.

Escapingafter50years · 24/07/2024 23:49

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:22

Also , my kids don't know. They think he's amazing , as he always acts it in front of everyone

They need to know. When he kills you, or at the very least blinds you, they need to know there's a history. Otherwise he'll get off because it "was a once off violent act in the heat of the moment".
They also need to know there are people like this in the world, and that even though they appear charming, they are evil inside.
You have probably tolerated this because of being brought up without a basic level of self esteem (not your fault). Time to stop the cycle.
I think right this moment is not too soon to call the police. While you can.

SamVan · 24/07/2024 23:50

The cheating is the least of your issues. Please get away from this violent man.

JoyousPinkPeer · 24/07/2024 23:51

You need to get a grip. You're kids adore somebody who does not exist!
Why you have not got him out of the house previously, God only knows. Stop being a victim and get rid of him.

StaunchMomma · 24/07/2024 23:51

Stop protecting that absolute bastard and tell your kids the truth, asap!

FFS, it's their MOTHER he's punching! Do you really think they would want to have a relationship with him if they knew the truth?

If you don't get out they're likely to find out the truth when he's battered you so badly you're in intensive care, or worse.

WAKE UP, OP!

He doesn't want you to work so he can control your entire life. He's not 'looking after' you, he's controlling and abusing you.

FFS pack a bag and get to safety while he's asleep. And tell everyone the truth as soon as you can.

You can report him to the Police for the thumbs in your eyes. FFS he could have blinded you!

Please forget the cheating. It's the abuse that matters.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but everyone here really just wants you to be OK and you've forgiven him for so much already. We're trying to shock you into action.x.

localnotail · 24/07/2024 23:53

You need to take a step back and see the bigger picture. You are living with an abusive, violent, nasty piece of work. Who already done stuff that would get him locked up, he laid his hand on you and hurt you. What are you waiting for? My god, it feels like watching a horror film.
Get out while you can. Don't die. Don't leave your kids orphaned.

viques · 24/07/2024 23:53

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:22

Also , my kids don't know. They think he's amazing , as he always acts it in front of everyone

When they know the truth they will change their minds. Lots of people will change their minds about him. Most people will be totally revolted by him, for the violence, for the cheating and the pretence. People don’t like abusers.

Tell your children asap, you will need their love and support.

Longsight2019 · 24/07/2024 23:56

Is he a dangerous man within his friendship circles? Is he regarded as a thug by others? Or is this a behind closed doors only type of abuser? Is he in any sort of gang, violent community, organised crime or hierarchy? Where does the money come from?

Listen to the advice on this thread. He is dangerous and sadly will harm you further if you stay.

Scirocco · 24/07/2024 23:56

He's a violent, abusive risk to your safety and you need to a) get as far away from him as possible, b) report him to the police and c) tell your family what kind of person he really is.

Run. Don't become another statistic of women killed by violent men - get out while you can.

Frances0911 · 24/07/2024 23:58

He sounds like a psychopath - you need to find the strength to leave him and don't ever go back.

Have you got a good support network? You should also report him to the police.

Pallisers · 24/07/2024 23:58

This is one of those threads where I just hope to god it is a troll.

Fargo79 · 24/07/2024 23:59

I don't want my adult kids to know as they bloody adore him

Why do you want them to "adore" a violent man who has seriously assaulted and hospitalised their mother? Who has threatened to gouge out her eyes?

Adding to the numerous other voices on the thread, IF YOU STAY WITH THIS MAN THERE IS A GOOD CHANCE HE WILL MURDER YOU. Or maybe you'll get lucky and he'll just maim you or blind you.

You cannot possibly be so desperate for his cash that you are willing to risk life changing injuries or death. Or risk leaving your kids grieving their mum. Come on.

Call Women's Aid first thing tomorrow and they will help you. It is NOT too late to report his previous violent assault where he left you needing reconstructive facial surgery, in addition to the assault today where he has threatened to gouge out your eyes. Even if you do not want to go to court, having the assaults documented is very important should you need that evidence in the future.

shuggles · 24/07/2024 23:59

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

But is he actually giving you his money? Or does him giving you money mean he is legally entitled to some of your stuff?

Like for example, if he pays into your mortgage, is he legally entitled to part of your house? In which case, he hasn't actually given you money, because it's still his.

I've no idea, but asking the question.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 25/07/2024 00:00

This is sick.
Get out of there.
Get a job. Pay your own way in life.

wibdib · 25/07/2024 00:00

He told you that because he could - because he knows that it will make you question yourself even though there's nothing there - you know who you are and so does he - he knows how to manipulate and control you and to make you feel insecure.

Threatening your sight is a horrible thing to do to you - because if he has punched you so hard to break your cheek so badly then it's only a small extra little thing to push his fingers into your eyes and deprive you of your sight really easily. He wouldn't care about the physical pain or the mental anguish of not being able to see your children ever again or the fact that he would be disabling you to make the rest of your life incredibly difficult.

Breaking your cheekbone was horrific but even just talking about taking your sight is a whole other level of horrifying - getting to the point of putting his fingers into your eyes and gouging at them means that this is something that he is already thinking about doing to you - the question is not if he would but when he does.

Just because your children have only seen the acceptable public face of this man and like him - they love you, their mum, the most and would much prefer to have you alive and unhurt, vision in tact than stay in contact with him a moment longer than they need to. They would much rather know the truth and support you than feel that you are suffering rather than let them know the nightmare behind the facade.

Get out as fast as you can, leave him sleeping and only go back to get your stuff with others there to protect you.

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/07/2024 00:01

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:10

I honestly thought he was going to kill me tonight.
Do cheating men get violent when confronted? He was so vile

He not a cheating man he is an abuser who is cheating. .

Abusers have no respect for you or boundaries
they are emotionally financially physical controling.

He is an abuser .
If you need support go to Women’s aid

Sixtygoingonthirty · 25/07/2024 00:04

My dad is blind in one eye from some random yob who punched him and broke his cheekbone, (totally unprovoked). After tonight’s attack on you please, please call the police. He’s dangerous. You are worth far more than he can ever offer. Fuck his money. Fuck him.

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/07/2024 00:05

Mindyourownbusinessmadam · 24/07/2024 23:16

Can I still contact the police when it happened nearly a year ago?

What happened nearly a year ago ?
The answer is yes though.

The fingers in eyes was that tonight ?
you can ring the police tonight about that it’s abuse

I am sure you have more stuff to report

Normallynumb · 25/07/2024 00:07

Leave now before he breaks your neck

GoldDuster · 25/07/2024 00:09

Love, he will kill you if you give him time. You need to save your own life. I'm not sure if you're in the UK but if so get in touch with Women's Aid and make a plan to get away from safely, they will help you, be honest with them, they have heard it before.

And yes, you need to contact the police, about the assault a year ago when he broke your cheekbone, and the one today where he tried to gouge your eyes out. Tell the truth. Don't cover for him.

He doesn't get to give you money to silence you and treat you like his punchbag. Say no to the money, find another way and protect yourself, or next time he will kill you. Don't wait around for it to happen. You need to get yourself out of there. Find help, and take it, it will be the most important thing you ever do.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 25/07/2024 00:09

mirrorwritin · 24/07/2024 23:02

Leave him before he kills you. Sorry to be blunt.

Absolutely right. He has already seriously injured you. It is a very small step from that to killing you. And he is violent enough to do it.