DP has been a twat (Content Warning)

[Mindyourownbusinessmadam]

My DP who I have been with for 4 years has put his thumbs into my eyes when I asked him if hes been seeing his ex...who , by the way, has constantly been messaging him.

Last year I suspected something as he was acting weird and kind of mocking me after he had a drink.
So, I told him my gut was telling me that he had been messaging her...well he went fucking mental and punched me on the face causing me to have , what the hospital said was a deep zycoma (broken cheek bone)
I never reported him and just forgave him as at the time I just thought he was angry at my 'paranoia'
I had to have an operation to put my cheek bone back, basically plastic surgery! I also had to have a procedure where they go in from the eyebrow bow to fix the cheek bone.

Anyway, fast forward to this year and we have been really happy, but I still suspect the ec is in the picture and he's been sneaking meetings with her...

I am in no way a paranoid or jealous person. I'm not the sort of person who will ever just assume things. But my gut has been off, and anyone who has had the git feeling will know exactly what I mean.

Now here is the issue...my god would I just love to kick him out as everything is in my name , but I totally rely on his money, that is another thing he said "I wouldn't give you all my money if I was having an affair"

One more thing...
He has a tattoo on his back saying that she is the love of his life forever. When I ask him to remove it he lies and says it's just some random writing. So wont remove it. What are your views , please be nice as I am in bots after tonight and I appreciate everyone's advice.

Op you seem strangely detached. You've gone back, not knowing if he's there, thinking he may not have a key, thinking he may come back. If you're leaving him, you can't go back there without someone. He hospitalised you because you asked about his ex. If you tell him to leave, he's almost certainly going to batter you. You get that right? He'll probably attack you. Don't go back there. If you do, go with someone. Phone the police because you will probably need their protection going forward.

This can't be real. You'd be terrified of this person. Not casually taking the dog out and wondering about his tattoos.

I’m not trying to be horrible here but you seem more offended that he could be cheating with an ex, than you are him breaking your face.

Please leave this waste of skin before you become one of the DV murder statistics we’re hearing so much about lately.

No, violent men get violent for no reason, he’s a violent man, this will escalate. By fully supporting you he has made you dependent on him as a means of control so it’s hard for you to leave him. But you can leave him and you won’t be safe till you have. Leaving violent partners is when you are most vulnerable, please contact woman’s aid for help.

OMG OP - please leave - this is horrendous - when you have the strength - go to the police - getting as much evidence as you can

OP, I am actually terrified for you. The things he has already done have gone far beyond even "normal" domestic violence. Do not be alone with him and get some official help from Women's Aid if not the police

I don't have much to say but you need a lot of help and I mean therapy. This guy broke your cheekbone? He put his thumb in your eye?

Sorry I was going to write something but I know you must be terrified. I'm so sorry. Please don't stay with him. Hope there are no kids involved?

Please value yourself, OP. You deserve to be safe. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve more than you're getting from this violent, abusive arsehole.

Change the locks if you have ANY doubt about him having keys.
Call the police if you have ANY doubt about your safety.
Call your children and tell them why you've left and the truth about who he is.
And if you can, call the police anyway and tell them about all the times he's assaulted, battered, threatened you. They'll understand you were too scared at the time to report some of it. But do it now.

Omg, this is truly terrifying. I’m so glad you stayed with your sister last night, but please make sure you are safe going forward. This man sounds incredibly violent.

I can’t stress enough how important it is to call the police and let them know, not just about the eyes but the cheek too. And let your family know. You don’t have to feel ashamed, he does and also, many women take time to garner the courage to leave when domestic abuse is involved. It’s not easy, when there is love involved.

Stay safe 💐

@Mindyourownbusinessmadam your last post was almost 2 hours ago and you were going to the house to take your dog out thinking he wasn’t there. There are so many people on here really worrying about you. Don’t want to pester you but please let us know you are still safe as it’s a concern.

I was just about to write the same..

You can do better op, I promise!
Spend some time learning to love yourself and you will find someone who will cherish you.
You deserve to be (and can be) happy.
I hope you're OK.

OP you must call the police now. Do not risk going back to the house and him being there or turning up.

A man who smashes women in the face and threatens to gouge out eyes won’t care about smashing a door or window in. And he will of course have a key.

There is a case of a man blinding his partner by gouging out her eyes.

Don’t listen to any crap about being his soulmate. Men don’t smash in the faces of people they love.

Now he senses he is losing power over you because you are ignoring him, you are in the most danger you have been in.

Don’t mess around here OP. If you let him in because he sent some nice words and he sees his stuff is packed he will hit you and the dog. He might kill you.

Police must be called to help you get rid, change locks, secure the house. Don’t stay there tonight.

If you are safe please update.

Don’t “put things in motion”. He’ll be back and he’ll tell you all the right things, like he’s already doing to make you forgive him and he’ll do it again or worse. Don’t let him back in the house. Ever. You could honestly end up dead. Oh and if you haven’t already, report him to the police, now.

Sorry to be so blunt, but in my line of work I see this all the time and the woman always goes back to her abuser and nothing changes.

You want him near your kids? Why wouldn’t you protect them from this? Of course they should know.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Do your adult kids who "bloody adore him" know the truth of why you needed facial surgery and that he recently tried to gouge your eyes out?

It's well established that many Sociopaths are outwardly charming. That's how they ensnare their victims.

And yes, you are a victim of multiple types of Domestic Violence.

The fact that you are making excuses for him and still believing his promises to support you, shows how effectively he has manipulated you.

Please seek help and plan to get out as soon as it is safe to do so.

Your adult children need to know this because it will help them to protect themselves against dangerous and abusive situations throughout their lives. They need to learn what sort of thing happens and how abuse can happen. If they're allowed to live with the lie that this man is kind, it will make it harder for them to learn to trust their judgement. You're telling them black is white if they don't know the truth. They need to know. Plus, you're their mother and they probably would want to support and help you. How would you feel about this if it was your own mother?
Thinking of you... Nobody should have to put up with this. Home should be your haven xxx

The stats show that 1 in 5 women who leave an abusive relationship are killed by the perpetrator

This just isn't true - thankfully. The stats do show that every 5 days a woman is killed by an abusive partner or ex, so maybe that's what you meant?
Sorry @AdmittowearingCrocs ,dont want to nitpick, but I can imagine women being terrified at the thought that if they leave an abuser they have a 1 in 5 chance he'll kill them.

You're undoubtedly right that OP is in serious danger of further assault and needs to stay away from this man.

Changing the locks won’t stop him. He will break in , wait outside and attack. You must involve the police. He needs arresting and charging . You might need to move out while that is happening.

what did you sister and adult child say ?

You and your dog need to stay away and stay elsewhere . Don’t leave the dog, he will harm it.

Go to your house with the police and collect stuff .

Ring the police and women’s aid.

You won’t be safe at your home .

I am worried that you are still downplaying this ,focusing on things like his ex and how nice things had been. He smashed up your face , slapped it when it was healing. Please tell your family and friends everything .

Well done you on taking the first steps. You are so doing the right thing. Please carry your phone with you so if he comes near you or the house do not hesitate to call the police. The local branch of the woman’s refuge will be able to assist and advise you. Good luck. Your new, better, life starts today.

OP was violently attacked and threatened last night. She could well be in a state of shock, added to the general disorientation, denial, fog and confusion of time spent being coercively controlled.

It's hard to explain just how badly broken and confused someone can be by this.

Utterly horrifying.

You know what you need to do. That cunt should be in prison.

Get a little notebook and write everything
down that he’s done. Everything. In moments of weakness (which you will have), read it. Then read it again.

This got me through when I left my cheating, violent ex.

The night before I left him, mine tried to strangle me. He’d punched, kicked, spat, slapped and verbally abused me previously and I had let it go.

Next will come the suicide threats, don’t believe them!

Stay strong. You won’t regret it. Good men do exist and when you find one you’ll wonder why the hell you wasted so much of your life on this piece of shit.