He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

most men on dating apps ghost after sex, especially if they have casual dates on their profile

Cos its a numbers game.

He said he was in a relationship for 17 years with his ex though so it's not as if he can't do commitment. Maybe he wants to play the field after such a long relationship

Casual dates does mean no-strings sex though, I think, sorry OP. I mean all the fun of flirting, texting and then sex but no commitment or seeking of long-term relationship. I never ever dated men who put casual dates, but then some men who claimed to be looking for a relationship will also be happy with casual dates in between so I think it's all a bit dodgy anyway.

He literally put it on his profile. He was never ever going to want a serious relationship with you and he made that clear. Not sure why you decided to go there with him if you wanted something serious.

But technically casual dates could either mean sex or...just that they've no time for a committed long term relationship but would still like to see the same person on a casual basis

Maybe but you should have clarified that. Why didn't you ask him what it meant to him? (But tbh OP it always means they just want casual sex with lots of women.)

Dick. 🙄 So immature. No one wants a man-child who can’t commit and lets you down. Plays games with your mind etc. They get sex for free, feeling chipper about themselves, “I’ve pulled a bird and shagged her”. Jack the lad etc.

You just get to feel used. I hate that feeling. I put potential men through tests to check if they’re worthy. Three dates is far too early to tell for me, anyway.

This bloke is 56 btw!

Im the same. I need to have a connection to have eec and that takes longer than a few dates for me. Anyone wanting casual sex is barking up wrong tree with me 🤣🤣

I know what you are saying, OP, 'casual dates' does sound like dating but not being in a serious relationship, but then that's kind of what would be on offer, not regular texting, him deciding if he could be bothered with you on the weekend, and keeping in touch til the next casual date.

In reality, it's the least worst way men can choose 'casual sex' on online apps and that's why they choose it, as they know if they put 'meet for sex' or whatever that option is, no women will go on a date with them.

The other choice apparently is 'intimacy without commitment' and I bet no women respond to men that put that, even if they would be open to having sex with someone on a casual date!

56?! OMG. You'd think, wouldn't you, that you reach a certain age and surely you must evolve in some way, that a person would grow, not be such a crap human being.

But no, some people are so stuck in a rut, no self-awareness, repeat the same patterns. No ability to think of anyone but themselves and their needs.

It's partly why I don't bother as I feel like all the nice men are probably still married and taken and the rest of the rutters are just cycling round and round in the dating pool, unevolved, ungrowing, still acting like they're 16 because in the end, they will find a woman desperate enough here there and everywhere to put out. Then they look for the next one and the next one etc.

If women all over the world said nope, it's not happening, not until you show me you can treat me well, they'd have to learn how to treat us better, pretty damn quickly. Or just jack off the porn forever and beyond. We can't win can we?

Don't ever be anyone's back up plan. If they've not confirmed at least a few days in advance make other plans. If he questions this just tell him as you've not heard from him you've made other plans. This sets clear boundaries early on.

I know he's said he's ill now anyway, but it also sounds like he's had his night of sex and is now fading you out anyway.

Oh you must absolutely totally avoid anybody putting casual dates or hookups in their bios if you want a relationship.

Avoid, avoid, avoid. They have already told you they just want a fuck. Believe them.

@Forfucksake84 where on earth have you or have you ever had any self esteem?
Give yourself time to get it back. Without this loser bringing you down.
You really are better than this.

No matter what the reason is, or his truth is, if you don’t feel good, don’t put energy into this. His last reply could be genuine, but who cares?
start considering yourself and your time worth far too much to agonize over what is going on with any man you date. They’re lucky to have time with you. Period.
if he doesn’t put effort in, move on.

Why? Is this the 1950s?

When sex is on the cards think to yourself ‘what do I want? Am I horny? Do I want to have sex with him even if we don’t see each other again?’

That way you don’t feel used as no one is using anyone. Sex is an exchange. You have fun, the other person has fun. We would all like to have fun a second and third time, but once is still great isn’t it?

Everyone should get well away from the idea that you are ‘rewarding’ or ‘giving’ when you have sex. You’re not. You’re having fun because you wanted to have fun.

He said he wanted casual. And it turned out he wanted casual.

When people tell you who they are believe them.

@Forfucksake84
did he get back to you?

OP if he is not making an effort, move on!
You deserve to be happy.x.

Intimacy without commitment doesn't exist. It's just shagging.

@Hotmess101 I'm usually the first to have a dig at men and hate a lot of their flaws.. to the point I just don't date now and certainly never want another relationship.
But you made one point I have to disagree with. Most men I've slept with have felt vulnerable after sex, worried about their performance, if I was pleased, wondering why I'm not texting back quickly the next day. Some have shared their anxiety about it in long texts and I'm the one who has been more not really thinking about it too much.
Everyone is different

It’s one of the options on Bumble - suppose at least anyone putting that is being upfront rather than pretending they want a relationship

OP what happened?

I hope you’re ok whatever you decided to do or not do.