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Original poster

He's gone quiet after sex

279 replies

Forfucksake84 · 24/07/2024 22:35

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

OP posts:
Tcateh · 26/07/2024 14:04

I'd message later on and say, ' ok, I've made other plans now'

End of

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 26/07/2024 14:06

Exactly what @hobbledyhoy said. He's telling you loud and clear how much effort he's prepared to put in, do not get in any deeper with this idiot.

You were right to trust your intuition from the start, he changed the level of communication as soon as you'd slept together and you recognised that, he got what he wanted now he thinks you're hooked and he doesn't need to bother. Even if he did decide to bother seeing you again do not let him back in.

Starlight1979 · 26/07/2024 14:08

He can't see you because he's got his dog?! What?!

Yeah I would probably leave this one now OP....

Wishimaywishimight · 26/07/2024 14:09

Tcateh · 26/07/2024 14:04

I'd message later on and say, ' ok, I've made other plans now'

End of

Exactly, I wouldn't be waiting until the day of the supposed date to hear whether it's going ahead or not!

You can always be 'breezy' (😄) and say something like "hope you feel better but I don't want to possibly waste a precious Saturday so going to make other plans now. Let me know when you're up to it and we can arrange to meet up during the week."

No way I'd be hanging around to see if he feels better or not (assuming he's telling the truth which I very much doubt). Throwing in additional excuses of the dog and a car boot sale make me extremely suspicious. If he was keen you'd know it, he's not and I'd be inclined to ignore future messages.

solice84 · 26/07/2024 14:16

I was on the fence with this one but after his most recent message I'd bin this one off
He's keeping you on the back burner

Combattingthemoaners · 26/07/2024 14:19

Do not give him the satisfaction of a reply. You don’t even need to block him. Just leave him on read and move on with your life.

SamW98 · 26/07/2024 14:22

I’d be tempted to reply 👍

But probably better to just say ‘I’m I’ll make other plans then and leave it there.

Dont block him it makes you look like you’re bothered. Just leave him to fade into history

LBFseBrom · 26/07/2024 14:23

Forfucksake84 · 26/07/2024 13:45

He has just messaged saying he's not sure if he'll see me tomorrow as he's not feeling too great, and that he has his dog and a car boot sale early Sunday morning. He says he'll see how he feels tomorrow. Does this sound like an excuse?

Don't bother to reply, put this one firmly in the past, FFS84 and move on.

Nanny0gg · 26/07/2024 14:24

Forfucksake84 · 26/07/2024 10:53

If he hasn't replied by tonight shall I just say something like 'if you could just let me know either way that would be great, just so I know what I'm doing ' ?

No!

If he can't be bothered, nor can you!

Throw him back

Nanny0gg · 26/07/2024 14:25

Forfucksake84 · 26/07/2024 13:45

He has just messaged saying he's not sure if he'll see me tomorrow as he's not feeling too great, and that he has his dog and a car boot sale early Sunday morning. He says he'll see how he feels tomorrow. Does this sound like an excuse?

It does really.

Sorry.

PicklesPiper · 26/07/2024 14:25

Blocking doesn't make anyone look like they're bothered. If anything, it signals "nah, not interested, I'm moving on. Bye".

From experience, I CBA with this sort of fuckery.

Block him. Move on.

Spitonthatthang · 26/07/2024 14:28

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

DingleDongBellEnd · 26/07/2024 14:46

Forfucksake84 · 26/07/2024 13:45

He has just messaged saying he's not sure if he'll see me tomorrow as he's not feeling too great, and that he has his dog and a car boot sale early Sunday morning. He says he'll see how he feels tomorrow. Does this sound like an excuse?

He is making excuses. If he had a solid reason for not seeing you, like he was really ill, that would be enough. He is listing "reasons" which means he is making a ton of excuses. I agree he's a wanker. Have nothing more to do with him.

Catandsquirrel · 26/07/2024 14:47

Meh. I think it was worth seeing this one through since the week had genuinely gone a bit nuts and you wanted an answer, but now you have a reply it sounds a bit off the boil if he's well enough for a car boot early the next day.

Ecstaticmotion · 26/07/2024 14:48

Yes, trust your gut, he’s gone cold on you. Take the high ground and message him saying you’re not into it and all the best for the future, bye. That way, instead of him getting to leave you, so to speak, you get to leave him, and he has to wonder forever if he’s shit in bed ;)

ChimneySweepLiverpool · 26/07/2024 14:56

I wouldn't block as maybe it's genuine but take a massive step back now and try forget him. I'm sorry this has happened OP

Ohnobackagain · 26/07/2024 15:22

@Forfucksake84 I don’t think it’s an excuse. He might be genuinely feeling rough. Just be honest if you need to say something like ‘I’ve got my parents on standby for babysitting so should we postpone until you’re better? I don’t want to mess them around. I am free on Wednesday eve though so let me know what you think. Hope you feel better x’

Opentooffers · 26/07/2024 15:41

So many people seem to think this crap is fine and want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's setting up an excuse for tomorrow not to happen, and he's already got it in that he's busy Sunday morning - could be someone stopping over.
You know how he communicates has changed lots since sex. You've called it right, have the courage to bin him off.
On the basis that he's being a coward rather than being straight with you, I think blocking would send a clear message to him. I doubt he's going to suddenly want to tell you what he's been up to the past week, so you won't get 'closure'.
Better to take charge of the situation, than let him fade you out, and end up waiting for any next comunication. Respect yourself, you can get better than him.

Watchkeys · 26/07/2024 15:43

Why not stop trying to work out what's going on in his head, and have a look at how all this confused communication is making you feel? Have you been enjoying your relationship with him for the last few days? What has it made you feel about him? What insecurities has it raised in you?

MyGladEagle · 26/07/2024 15:43

Nanny0gg · 26/07/2024 14:24

No!

If he can't be bothered, nor can you!

Throw him back

Show quote history

If he's not bothered (and who can blame him after all this faff) he's not on the hook to throw back is he.

Why don't people just stop with the game encouragement, if he messages again she can see how she feels then.

Shiningout · 26/07/2024 15:50

Nah he's fading out on you. I wouldn't even bother replying. Either he can't see you because he's too ill, or it's because of the dog or the car boot?? Which is it? If I really liked someone I'd not use those reasons to not meet up or if I had to I'd be trying to arrange a new date with them.

Spitonthatthang · 26/07/2024 15:51

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MyGladEagle · 26/07/2024 15:52

Opentooffers · 26/07/2024 15:41

So many people seem to think this crap is fine and want to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's setting up an excuse for tomorrow not to happen, and he's already got it in that he's busy Sunday morning - could be someone stopping over.
You know how he communicates has changed lots since sex. You've called it right, have the courage to bin him off.
On the basis that he's being a coward rather than being straight with you, I think blocking would send a clear message to him. I doubt he's going to suddenly want to tell you what he's been up to the past week, so you won't get 'closure'.
Better to take charge of the situation, than let him fade you out, and end up waiting for any next comunication. Respect yourself, you can get better than him.

Yeah, that will send a clear message that she's childish and he was right to back off.

kαλοκαλοκαιρι · 26/07/2024 16:01

don’t reply with messages about babysitters on standby, or waiting for him to be back in touch. Make the most of the saturday and make another plan. if by miracle he gets in touch, sorry you’ve made another plan. you’re not wasting the weekend. if he doesn’t get in touch, then you’ll wish you’d never bothered replying anyway.

trust your instinct in any case. proves you wrong way less than men do.

SamW98 · 26/07/2024 16:03

I would agree to keep your baby sitters and go out with the girls instead.

Don't waste a child free night over a twatty bloke

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