Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Unless he is already in a nmw job, why would you do that?!

So he can get away with paying less maintenance probably.

Arsehole.

Next village to his parents - which is 300 miles (give or take) from here

God what a mess OP. Poor you. And poor DS 😢

Is he awake yet? I'd get his suitcase out, open it on the bed and tell him to start packing as soon as he's up.

I agree with starting the divorce proceedings immediately - I realise it's another thing to take on but it helps with ripping off the plaster.

Do this before he has calmed down, disassociated and then tries to take you for as much as he can.

Also, I'd pack up a lot of his belongings. 300 miles is a long way to haul your stuff so he's just as well take a lot of it now. In fact, I'd tell him just to leave now.

No advice with your DS. What a complete arsehole. I'm sorry you are both going through this.

You can do this op

Be prepared for him trying to come back to you though and what you will do.
They have been living in a fantasy land and the reality will be very different.

Ah mate. What a cunt he is!

But you sound fucking awesome. Fight for everything, the house, take the car off him, tell his parents what he has done. Snuggle up for the next 6 weeks with your boy, and fuck him and his bit of tiktok fluff.

He hasn't even had the decency to cheat via an adult platform! Fucking tiktok? Did they bond over silly dances? Imagine disclosing that later on.

'Oh how did you two meet?'
'By tiktok, we were both married with dcs but knew we needed to be together when I saw her moves'
'Oh'

Pair of infantile twats.

Oh my god your update! As if he wasn't a massive thundercunt before. Not to undermine the devastation for you and your DS but what a fucking laughable cliche. What a loser.

I agree with PPs, get online, get any joint money split and transferred to you so he cant nab it. Then start the process and file for divorce TODAY. I'd bet he won't expect that.

Most importantly, when this new 'relationship' goes belly up, which it will, do not let him come crawling back. He's made his bed and he's going to have to lie in it.

Op make absolutely 100% sure he's no access to your money please!!

My first thought was what @BowlOfNoodles said, that he's being catfished.

Agree with others! Thundercunt!!!

And please please please let him be catfished...

What a F immature cretin.
You WILL be alright, OP.
💐

The man’s an idiot, you’re too good for him. You do sound like you’re ready for this.

Oh well not far for him to move from hers to his parents’ house then is it?!

Actually further to your other updates, since the OW is so close to the in-laws then I'd spend the weekend throwing all his posessions into your car, and drive up there when they're due to come home to pick up DS (coming home in whichever of your cars is the better one).

He can stay at his parents, or better he can just move it all directly into TikTok Tart's place from the car.

You sound awesome. He sounds like an absolute dick. I give him a month or two at best before he tries to crawl back saying he made a terrible mistake and when he does, enjoy slamming that door. Speaking of doors, the second he leaves the house have the locks changed. Remove all his belongings and start thinking about how easy life will be with your ds and no man child to support. You've totally got this.

I've been in similar situations and like you 'go practical' ...which has its advantages. Where that might falter is where you are dealing with DS's inevitable emotional fallout. Could he go to a friends for today before he knows, just to give you some time? That might give you admin time to get half your money out asap, ensure any joint account can't go into overdraft by STBX or this ridiculous 'relationship' and get the manchild out, the more room you will then have to deal with your son's emotions on telling him. If you can close the joint account now then ideal - from memory mine couldn't be closed without my ex's signature. You've got this OP - and the other side of it all can be immensely empowering and content, though I realise there's a mountain to climb right now. I'm not sure I'd want DS going to the inlaws with STBX and them potentially controlling any narrative tbh.

He sounds like he's never grown up. You're well shot of this man child OP.

Crossing my fingers because I love bad people getting what they deserve.

Find a good registered therapist.

If you have joint accounts, get the bank to freeze them.

We have two nice cars. I've always said that if I'm going to cry all the way into work and all the way home that we may as well do it in a nice car!

I've been up all night. I'm going to text my best friend (she's retired), not texting my sister as don't want her upset at work. Then I'm going to try get a few hours Kip in before DS gets up.

Later I'll go to my parents for a few hours and face the music. It's actually humiliating to tell people in real life this fucking guff.

Catch you all later. Thank you very very much for all your kind words, advice, and outrage on my behalf.

It's appreciated.

Probably. Then he'll learn the hard way not to be led by his cook. What a complete manchild.

You sound great, OP. He is an idiot giving up everything for someone he has only seen on the Internet. Insane.

This is all going to blow up in his face and I'm going to enjoy your updates about it, OP.

He's a fucking moron.

Tell him he needs to go now. Him staying isn't in the best interests of your child. DC needs time to adjust before secondary school starts. @Wallywobbles list is pretty comprehensive.

Do not do the pick me dance. He's a cheat. He's cheated before. He's cheating now and he'll cheat in the future. You won't have any peace with him EVER.

Also, get a STI test.