Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

They've never met?! FFS. What a wally.

Guaranteed it'll all be over in a couple of months, if not sooner.

Or don't be in the least bit surprised if he wakes up from his snoring slumber to announce that he's not sure now. Your calm reaction will have totally thrown him.

@BowlOfNoodles
Oh my! That would be absolutely incredible.
Can you imagine?

Wow!! I know it must be dreadful for you but I can’t help laughing at your husband… it’s a bit like watching someone fall in the lake but in slow motion. He is going to have a horrible shock once he hits the cold water!!!

You can do this!!!

Don’t forget emotions come in waves, organisation mode is good and definitely what you need today but do you have some childcare nearby so you can also take time out for you. You need a solid method of recharging your batteries to help DS through the next month or so.

oh and if he wakes up and decides it was all a big joke and he’s changed his mind make sure you have your strong courageous head on.

pp said they give it a month. I doubt he’ll last the weekend.

You sound very strong and capable.
He will be back within a month, guaranteed.
Don’t listen to the sob stories/mid life crisis nonsense.
Remember how easy he upped and left you and your DC for a stranger 300 miles away.
Screw him and her, they are well matched.

I think there’s a high probability he actually is.
twat

He is turning his life upside down and abandoning his family for a 5 week online relationship? What an idiot. It sounds like you have been doing the heavy lifting during your marriage so you will be fine.,I hope your DS doesn't take the news too badly. Was he an involved father?

They've never met?.seriously?

Omg what the hell is he playing at?
Did u start laughing at first thinking it was a joke?
Honestly OP I think you'll be well rid of him

Op he sounds like a buffoon, you deserve so much better
Take control abd put him out this morning. In the bin!

It's absolutely going on up and down the country constantly it's rampant! Can you see what he's been being financially? 🤔 cash withdrawals? Op protect your money 💰 that's my advise. and please 🙏 when he's telling you what a fool he's been and how now he appreciates that you and he's son are he's world 🌎 and that your son needs him BOLLOCKS he wants to move 300 miles away to be with somebody he's never meet? Wild crazy and wtf this is the biggest blessing of your life! The trash taking its self out!

This loser is going to come crawling back within weeks.

Something extremely similar happened with my brother in law. He packed his bag and ran away like a coward. When he turned up his new love was so obese she used a wheelchair to get round and oxygen to breathe. He promptly got back in his car and tried to go home, where his wife said she had been thinking and their divorce was a good thing and she didn’t want him back. Her parents hired the best family law firm they could find and they’ve cleaned him out. He’s back living with his parents

the grass is never greener….

You bought the car... Are you the legal owner? If so, don't let him take it. Am sure there's a train he can catch.

There are some saving graces.
I'm a teacher and I'm off for six weeks. I've all this time to process, grieve, and organise myself.
The boys are going to the in-laws at the weekend - I'm staying home with the mutt because of my mother in laws allergies.
Co-incidentally the OW Tiktoc sensation lives in the next village.
I know I sound unhinged, but I've told him to go and spend some time with her.
I figure rip the plaster off. He will be besotted and off like a rat up a drain pipe.

I need that. No way I can handle weeks and months of waiting for him to leave me and go to her.

I've been married before and had quite a few long term relationships. I've never felt the way about anybody that I have him.

More fool me.

OMFG yet another man child who needs spoon-fed, encouraged and cajoled to do anything in life. OP you are going to be well rid very soon and your life will be so much better for it.

Get good legal advice NOW and get him gone ASAP - the sooner you have a financial order in place the better for you and your child.

He will come crawling back full of excuses, tears and all sorts of woe is me stories. Id give it 6 months max before he realises you are his cash cow and have been forever.

Sending you more strength - but you will be fine, I promise you that!

I've never wanted for somebody to be scammed more! But it usually involves an exchange of money. And it would be ops money by the sounds of it!

I think you're right about striking while the iron is hot. Take back control. Tell him you think it's best he goes to stay with a friend or relative while you get your head round this. Show him his new reality where he doesn't call all the shots. I think you'll be fine. It will be hard for a while but you sound like you have your head screwed on.

This^^
This was my first thought when I read your post.
Im sorry he’s putting you through all this but so many of us have been through it.
Sending a handhold as you face the challenges ahead.

Love that!

Agree with this. I regret not filing sooner and having to go through another stupid anniversary still married to cheater STBXH.

By applying in your sole name (not jointly), you take back some element of control. Get it done today and charge the £593 to the joint account.

Omg what on earth is he thinking?! They haven't met and only known each other 5 weeks?! And what does he mean, become a carer?! Unless he is already in a nmw job, why would you do that?!.

I'm so sorry this has happened but when he is back in a few months, please don't give him a chance.

This reeks of a mid life crisis or mental breakdown. Not that I have any sympathy. What a pair of cunts. You and your son deserve so much better.

A poster up thread made a great checklist of all the paperwork you’ll need for a solicitor.

Being the main earner must be reassuring as you know you can provide financially.

CMS won’t be great if he is getting a job as a carer. Can you play this to your advantage and negotiate a one off lump sum?

Forget the man you loved. Expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed.

Move any money into your sole name and cut him off straight away.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Numb and emotionless will work in your favour while you get the MN ducks in a row 🌷

Definitely start the ball rolling. Investigate and list everything he has access to, what’s joint and what’s yours.

You are in the driving seat, organise it so you and DS are ok.

He can move back in with his parents if he has to.

Try not to worry about DS- get advice about how to handle it with him.

You know his dad is abandoning him, but it doesn’t have to look like that to DS. Give him time to adjust.

If she's in the next village why is he moving 300 miles away? Are they moving together?

I have absolutely no words for your husband…selfish, delusional thundercunt probably comes close but I don’t think that even quite cuts it.

I can only second what others have said - now’s the time to activate tiger mum mode…be absolutely mercenary about house and finances because there are no guarantees that he’ll not try and wiggle out of paying maintenance or simply do the bare minimum in future, regardless of what he says now.

I didn’t go after my share of XHs pension because he’d accrued a fair chunk of it before we got married and only asked for what I actually needed at the time in term of equity from the family home as it was in his name and bought with a windfall on his part. I was very keen to be fair and reasonable as I left him (due to controlling/abusive behaviour).

Had I known I wouldn’t see any maintenance, despite his promises, until getting the CMS involved, and that he would see that frankly paltry contribution (not a high earner but 6 figures in the bank as shacked up with first woman he met OLD before the ink was dry) as all that was necessary to run a teenager for 6 years, I would have put my hard hat on and fought for more.

Also re contacting the school - there are likely to be staff members in/checki by emails throughout the hols - you may get a quicker response from the Designated Safeguarding Lead than the Pastoral Teams though.