Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Get to the bottom of 'not now, but soon'
What is he waiting for? For the woman to decide to leave her husband? For a house to be available in his new area? For a job interview?
Is he telling you his wishes, or his plans?

Unfortunately, you cannot kick him out, the date he goes is up to him, but I would be very wary of a 'Daddy is going, actually, no he isn't, well, he is going soon, oh, actually he wants to stay' scenario with the child involved.
I would make sure ex has his plans fully ready before your child is told.
By deciding to move 300 miles away I think he is going to dump everything on your shoulders.

It's not more fool you and it's not your humiliation.

He's an embarrassment to the human race.

If you can afford to buy him out & stay there that is fantastic!

The only reason I wouldn't rush to tell people is if you might take him back if he wanted.

If not I'd tell people straight away.

Goo luck to you Op.

I had to leave my ex when my adopted son was 8. I thought it would destroy my already damaged son. It didn't. I was amazed at how well he coped - it has been nearly 4 years now. Wishing you all the best.

I'll be telling the world and his wife. That way, no matter how tempted I may be, I won't be able to take him back.

Also, for everybody (justifiably) concerned - we have separate bank accounts.

Well what an unmitigated arsehole.

The only reason I wouldn't rush to tell people is if you might take him back if he wanted.

He's leaving for for some woman on the Internet who he's never met in person. Why would OP take him back? He's an embarrassment. She doesn't sound like that's going to happen.

The humiliation isn't yours, OP. Good luck to you and your son.

Also, for everybody (justifiably) concerned - we have separate bank accounts.

But are they equitable? (I think that's the word) Also, pensions?
How is your life insurance, if you have one, set up? Your will?

He’s never met her 🤣🤣🤣🤣. That’s hilarious! I’m laughing at them rather than you obviously. Most likely it won’t even last until Christmas. As numerous others have said get your ducks in a row and brace yourself when he tries to worm his way back in with you when it all goes wrong. The arrogance of him! He’s leaving “soon”. No mate you’re leaving ASAP

Fuck. What an update. There is a silver lining tho. When discussing most break ups there is generally a bit of, well I know he did the dirty, but she could be a bit of a cow.

With yours, there will be none on that. It will be unanimous, that is a total cringing embarrassment to himself. What a total, unmitigated dick.

I hope this makes the process of detaching from him easier. You will be there to pick up the pieces for your kids. It will be tough, but has to be better than life with that idiot.

All of this.
I'm afraid I have laughed darkly too. Sorry...obviously I am horrified on your behalf OP but from an objective point of view, he's an absolute clown.

You have an 11 year old adopted son, a child from trauma, I think you said, and your husband is leaving him and moving 300 odd miles away? I'm so sad for your son. Your husband is despicable. You both will be so much better on your own. Strength to you and your ds. 🌹🩷

😂😂

TikTok lady split from her husband 5 weeks ago. Your husband has been talking to her online for 5 weeks. Obviously true and lasting love 🙄

She’s probably just trying to make her husband jealous. Wants to move in another man, any man, as quick as possible.

This is probably going to last weeks or days. Be ready when he comes crawling back saying that it was all a big mistake. That he’s chosen you after all. Have the divorce papers ready to hand him.

I agree with others - this weekend he’s taking your son to his parents. Spend the weekend packing up all his shit, on Sunday drive the 300 miles to his parents to deliver all of his belongings and take your son home.

He’s created this mess, let him find out the consequences.

I also hope he’s being catfished.

What a twat! At least it will be easy to stay strong when he comes crawling back after the inevitable implosion of his new 'relationship'. Rooting for you, OP.

I saw this piece of advice recommended here a few years ago, buy everything for your child now & next year from the joint account before he moves out. Once he leaves, he will make excuses as to why he can't afford next year's school uniform.

So Christmas/birthday gifts, school uniform & shoes next size up, coats etc. Same with grocery shopping, double up on the costly items like laundry powder etc. Don't let him leave until he's paid his share fully although don't tell him this.

When this all falls through- and it will - please, please don’t take him back.

Tell the whole world including his family that he's leaving his child for a woman off the internet. Don't leave him any wriggle room to create another narrative where he's the put upon husband.

OP - What’s happened to you is awful; it must feel like a complete gut punch. However, please give yourself time to process this alone, without involving the opinions of others. You need time alone to prepare yourself to share the news. Today, you are sleep-deprived, upset, angry, etc. In a few days, when the shock has passed, you will be able to answer questions more easily. Your DS will be fine as long as he has a strong mother by his side, which he clearly has. This will lead to a happier life. You will love again, and in five years’ time, you will be forever grateful for this moment – it just doesn’t feel that way right now. Keep it classy, for you, not him ❤️ xxx

Lawyer up quick, OP. Sounds like he might be claiming spousal support and half the house from you.

I don't like telling people my business but I'd make the exception this time I'd announce it on Facebook lol

On Tik Tok...oh my god...Firstly, so so sorry you and the kids are going through this, secondly, almost weirdly glad he's announced it now as it gives you the holidays to sort things (from a fellow teacher who has been cheated on by her ex husband and used the holiday many moons ago to move).

The thing is, online does not convey whether you have that actual physical chemistry in real life. They are both absolutely mental to be throwing away marriages and ruining childrens' lives when they ahve no idea if their pheromones match up or whether they have physical chemistry in real life...

And assuming they do?
Once they get past the first few days, what on earth will they be like around each other with the mundane minutiae of life all around them?!

The honeymoon phase will be over very soon....and then what happens when one of them is scrolling tik tok around the other? How could they ever trust one another?

Ugh he's so embarrassing- I would delight in telling EVERYONE how they met.

You are free from this twat! Now you can live your life whatever way you choose!
He's done you a massive favour (thought it doesn't feel like it now). What kind of idiot derails his life for someone he's only ever seen on a screen?!
Sending so much love xx

I’m sorry you are going through this - but remember the humiliation is his not your’s.

This is not on you. Every single person in real life you tell this story to is going to think he’s an absolute idiot.

One concern I do have for you is that he is such an idiot that I am worried a newspaper might pick up your post.

I also do wonder if she lives one village along to his parents if he has met her before.

If he has genuinely never met her before he might be getting a shock when he meets her because it’s likely she’s enhanced her tick tocks with filters or editing. So be prepared emotionally he might come crawling back.

You sound bloody amazing. 🌸