Husband has announced he's leaving me

[stomachcramps]

Hey 👋
I've been on Mumsnet since 2010 and I've posted many times previously and notably in times of crisis.
I've always received wise words and a handy hold.
Excuse my jocular tone - I think I'm just in shock.
I posted back in 2012 when my husband cheated on his stag do.
I ignored most of the advice given and stayed with him.
We've had our ups and downs but I'd consider it, up until now, to have been a successful and happy marriage.
He sat me down earlier and just said: I need to talk to you.
There's someone else.
That's it - He's leaving.
Not now, but soon.
Upping and going.
He cried loads. I was emotionless and motionless.
Mumsnet - you're famous for helping women to get their ducks in a row. What do I need to know? Be wary of?
We have an eleven year old who starts high school in September.
(D)H plans to move 300 miles away to be with the fifteen years newer and shinier model of me.

Y'know, it's fine for people to say don't talk to him, don't give him information. But this is her husband, the love of her life, the father of her son, the person she turned to for comfort. You can't just switch that off. Of course OP is gonna want to have her say and tell him things. She will stop but it's too soon, it only happened a few days ago.

Although as a lot of PP have said, OP sounds bloody amazing and I'm also sure she'll be fine along with her lovely boy ❤️

You sound amazing OP. I wish you strength and happiness once you're out the other side.

Can I ask - why has he not met the exotic TikTok lady he's upending his and everyone else's life over if she only lives in the next village? Or have I missed something?

@stomachcramps I am obsessed with this feed - mainly because I love your mentality. 💪🏻 to those saying you’re not listening to advice I can totally see the direction you are going in with kindness. Manipulation at its finest! Good luck, you are one strong lady, with an excellent plan!

Next village to his parents which is a long way from where he moved to live with me fourteen years ago.
We only get up there to visit once every Preston guild (and they come and stay here)
Whenever we go up we are together all the times - like we are at home. Even popping to the shop etc.
That's why I can't say with such confidence that they haven't met yet.
I would normally have gone with them but I've stayed at home with our pup because M-I-Law's allergies are particularly bad at the moment.
I figured it was more fitting for son and grandson to visit and me be the one staying home.
Of course, this was all arranged weeks ago and I had no clue as to what was on the horizon.

Why I *CAN say with such confidence that they've never previously met

Just remember, if he wants to go after his share, he won't need his family's support to do so.

I do think you have to be prepared to buy him out—even if family pressure/stupidity/clever lawyering reduces the amount he gets.

Even if his family continue to be supportive of you (and people often start off supportive and end up siding with their wayward son in the end) usually these guys feel so resentful of the support the ex wife is getting they end up digging their heels in and trying to extract a bit more as payback.

No sage advice, just wanted to say that I am in AWE of your strength, your love for your son, your honesty, your bravery and your kind soul.

You WILL be fine. You have what it takes to make it through.

Him - I'm not so sure.

Well done!! We have all got your back my love xx

You’re an incredible woman x

Thanks all. I was pondering this thread as I walked the dog.
It's been over 25 years since it was just me and my mutt. (Not the same one, obviously)
And it felt good. It felt ok. Helps when the sun is shining and I'd left my parents feeling a lot happier than before I arrived.
Whilst tootling with the pup I thought about just how many people have taken the time to give help, advice, and support to a randomer on the internet.
Humbling actually and I appreciate it so much.
This thread will be filled soon and I've got so much advice and so much warmth to keep me going through what I know is going to be a fucking horrible time.
Thanks again everybody. And best of luck to all you poor bastards suffering similar in your lives!
Nothing much to be said now. It's all here laid out for me. And I just need to concentrate on plodding on, putting one foot in front of the other. Play each card now as it's dealt and ensure I'm keeping a few aces up my sleeve.
I promise you all that Mum's the word now going forward.
Take care and I'll hopefully see you on the other side.
Hopefully in a year or two I'll be coming back under a name change like:

Gotovershittymanchildandkeptthehouse

Or:

Sonisthrivingandwearebothsohappywithoutthehalfwit

Neither particularly pithy and almost certainly too many characters for Mumsnet name. But, hey Ho - a girl menopausal woman can dream!

If you need some more cheerleading/ advice/ encouragement you can make a second thread straight away but I have a feeling you're going to be just fine Op

well done, lass x

Well done, you can do this

Well done you! Such an awful shock, but your strength and the love for your son shine through. Thank God your son has you! You have got this and you will make it work.....it may even be better without the impulsive manchild.

Wishing you and your son all the very best. Make sure to look after yourself too xx

This is awful OP.

You deserve better than this. It’s absolutely disgusting.

We are all behind you. Lots of good advice on here. Sending you strength.

We're all behind you OP and cheering you on. You are not just going to survive, but you will thrive.

You are admirable. You really are.

Not only you won't be jealous, but you will be relieved this woman took him away and opend your eyes! You will be able to live a life you deserve. A full life.

Looking forward to your updates. PS. Love the suggested names change!

@stomachcramps I think I've read all of your posts but don't remember seeing if you've got a solicitor arranged already. Hopefully someone you know can recommend a SHL but if not can I suggest asking your local Women's Aid office for a recommendation. It doesn't sound like you need their services but they will know which of your local solicitors is worth your money to give laughing boy a run for his money.

Keep on keeping on mama. We are all behind you.

Really well done @stomachcramps, wishing you all the best for the future

OP you are totally amazing....keep going you have absolutely got this for you and your son ...good luck xxx

I’ll second that xx

I have no doubt he will get a solicitor and go for everything he is entitled to by law. To expect anything else is unrealistic. He will even use his DS as a bargaining chip if necessary. 2 years of solicitors letters and nasty interactions lie ahead, maybe 3. I wish the Op all the best of course but that’s my view.

Wishing you a beautiful future with your darling son, he is so lucky to have you as his mum. Go and continue to be awesome you. 💐