Anonymous card that husband cheats

[Saucisson14]

Never posted before but would really appreciate some advice as am sending myself mad! I received a card to home address including postcode. It stated that my husband is a cheat and I should dump him. No other details and didn’t call me by my first name but just Mrs and surname. Husband immediately denied it I have to say I believed him. There have been no signs of affair, nothing to make me suspicious although the seed of doubt is planted of course yet I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.
My question is what would someone have to gain by doing this if there wasn’t some truth? We don’t have any enemies (well any that we’re aware of). If it were true, why would they not give more details that provided some proof?

It's easy to say in hindsight but you should have kept your powder dry and done some research.

Oof, that's a tough one. End of the day, you have to trust your intuition.
What a horrible thing to receive.

Time to go full on Miss Marple. Maybe its true, maybe it isn't but if it is true then he'll be covering his tracks as we speak. I'd be keeping a close ear and eye on his movements!

Christ, I’ll never understand why people do this. Either provide solid proof or keep your nose out. Preferably the latter, to be honest.

That sounds bloody stressful and frustrating, OP. Honestly, if there was nothing further, I’d just put it to the back of your mind unless something else crops up.

Obviously not been in the same position, but had a close friend who had an anonymous text. They provided the number of the OW and how long it had been going on etc. so whilst it was still a cowardly way to do it, they did at least have something to substantiate the claim.

He had upset someone and they're trying to mess with him and 100% he knows who in my opinion

Its an act of revenge for something

This happened to a friend of mine. Eventually the husband of the other woman came clean that he had sent it as felt she should know, he had come home and found them together.

Seems vague, why not more details.

could be someone that wants to ruin your lives or upset you or him.

Wow! First I hope you’re ok. I don’t know your situation such as kids, how long married… IMO some thing has happened don’t be too naive. You have already asked partner so likely hood is he has got rid of any kind of trace. It maybe some one at work where things have gone to far or maybe some one who he has broken something off with and she is out for revenge. No one would do this for no reason. Unfortunatly it may be one of those cases where you’re just never going to know. I would have a look at handwriting to see if it’s a women’s writing. I feel this is a revenge tactic so doubt he is up to anything now but maybe have a think and see if there have been any times not accounted for.

The lack of info given would make me sceptical. They could have given something, a name or place.

I agree with PP your husband must know of someone he has pissed off - a weird cousin, old colleague, ex friend? Any strange neighbours?

Wow, I’m blown away by all your responses so quickly! Thank you so much.
I didn’t add but the timing was very cruel as a close family member was seriously ill so I actually thought I was receiving a “thinking of you” card. It looked like that on the front so it knocked me for six when opened. I did think that it has to be someone who knew the situation and that feels doubly cruel. Didn’t have the energy to get proof at the time but hindsight says I would have asked him for his phone immediately to do some searching. No point now after the event.
Agreed that it wouldn’t be done without reason but it’s horrible being suspicious of literally everyone. Not in my nature to be like that but surprising how something like this can mess with your mind. The lack of detail makes me think that it’s someone being malicious but you end up having crazy thoughts. Handwriting looks like a woman’s but what are the chances of me having something to compare it to? No doubt I’ll be closely examining birthday and Christmas cards but awful to think I’d even have to do that!

Sounds like revenge. A spiteful neighbour or an underling at work who’s on a warning or suchlike.

Someone who had your interests at heart and wanted you to be aware of cheating would offer a bit more detail such as a name or place ie “he doesn’t work late on Thursdays, he goes to Emma’s house on Victoria Road” or whatever. Anything that gave you proof without blowing their cover.

You're welcome @Saucisson14 . I agree with @BESTAUNTB s post that the lack of evidence or detail indicates it's a revenge for something other than an affair. It would be good to know exactly, but for now probably best to stay calm and see what unfolds.

There was lots of gossip at DH work when he was seen having after work drinks with a woman that was not his wife, it actually was his wife, id lost weight and had a new hair cut 😂

Bet you felt like a brand new woman… literally 🤣

Must admit i found it all hilarious, sadly need to do it again as the bloody weight didn't stay off!

A friend of mine had this happen and did serious detective work. It turned out to be a disgruntled ex-employee trying to cause trouble. Luckily his wife believed him throughout the “investigation” and she was right to do so.

It is a shitty thing for someone to do, and intended to cause you worry, not just toward your DH but to your circle of family and friends. Similar happened to me and DH 20 years ago. First I got an anonymous letter (posted to my work), saying he was playing away, no details. I had no suspicions and so shared it with him. Good job I did show him, cos a few weeks later he got an identical letter saying I was playing away. We worked at the same company, different departments, so at this stage we shared with HR. A few weeks later (I guess seeing no reaction from the first letters), DH got another letter, this time saying I was having it away with an un-named married man at work. We were not long engaged and were one of a spate of engagements, weddings, and new babies in the company at that time, so easy to guess what the motive might have been. We never worked out for sure who it was, but one prime suspect was made redundant a little while later, and we got no more letters after that.

Just keep in mind that whoever has sent your card has done so due to their own issues or for warped entertainment. And look at what goes on now with internet trolling, people mess with complete strangers for entertainment, so it might not even be someone particularly close or important to you doing this.

Thank you everyone. I guess it’ll just be a case of having to have my wits about me and seeing how this pans out hopefully without turning into a neurotic monster!
It has given me some relief just being able to put it out there and be heard. Your responses really have been appreciated and good to receive advice and support.

I had a letter like this once. It was a massive shock but also hard to believe as I always knew where DH was. Anyway, there was someone named in the letter who was an employee. He took the letter to HR & turned out her husband had sent the letter and he was struggling with mental health. Apparently another senior manager got a similar letter. I felt for him & her actually. It sounded like they weren't in a great place.

Since you have unfortunately told him about it, I would suggest to your dh that the letter is taken to the police. Malicious communications are illegal - and if he believes that it's malicious, then he should want to have it fingerprinted.

I would then proceed with your dh as though you believe it to be malicious and wonder with him who on earth would do such a thing. But privately you need to keep your eyes open and investigate when you can.

I would think that mostly this kind of thing has some legs to it, unfortunately.

Blimey that must have been awful to receive. Interesting that you say you opened it expecting a thinking of you card. Is it Your relative that's sick.? so if it's somebody he knows, they mightn't know your relative unwell.

If it was somebody trying to take you down a peg and they did it knowing you're concerned about a sick relative then they must be some arsehole to do it right now.

Was the card vitriolic or 'factual' in its tone (even if you don't know if it's fact or fiction).

I would pretend to have believed him. Buy into the narrative that somebody is jealous of you and trying to upset you. Then do a bit of research stealthily.

I would ask myself what was the more likely scenario. A person maliciously going out of their way to cause a rift or a man cheating. I would be cautious about accepting his denial too readily.

What did your dh say when you told him about the card @Saucisson14

I really can’t answer if it is somebody trying to cause a rift or if he really has been up to something. The timing could not have been worse as I had a relative who was critically ill so was at the hospital for long periods. In fact, the card was something I just couldn’t deal with as my concerns with the relative were the priority over anything else (hence why I thought before opening that the card would be from a thoughtful friend sending kind thoughts!) Pretty sure if it was a different time I would have been able to consider a more productive plan to attempt to get some answers. I really do think there’s more to it but equally don’t want to make any accusations that may not be true.
The content was very factual, no details at all but basically “he’s a cheat so dump him” Even more twisted was the card was a charity one for Mind mental health! Seriously sick and actually quite creepy.