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Original poster

Anonymous card that husband cheats

174 replies

Saucisson14 · 23/07/2024 22:07

Never posted before but would really appreciate some advice as am sending myself mad! I received a card to home address including postcode. It stated that my husband is a cheat and I should dump him. No other details and didn’t call me by my first name but just Mrs and surname. Husband immediately denied it I have to say I believed him. There have been no signs of affair, nothing to make me suspicious although the seed of doubt is planted of course yet I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.
My question is what would someone have to gain by doing this if there wasn’t some truth? We don’t have any enemies (well any that we’re aware of). If it were true, why would they not give more details that provided some proof?

OP posts:
rainydays03 · 27/07/2024 11:02

I think if it was someone really trying to tell you he was cheating, in order to warn you or as a scorned other woman for example, way more detail would have been given.

‘When your husband told you he was at a garden centre on Tuesday 2 weeks ago, he was with me’.

I’d be keeping an eye on his behaviour over the next few days but other than that probably try to forget it

5128gap · 27/07/2024 11:03

The only two realistic possibilities are that someone hates either you or him, or someone feels they have reason to suspect him of cheating. Its very very rare for someone to dislike you that much and for you to genuinely have no clue. It's very very rare for someone to be suspected of cheating and to genuinely have no clue how someone could have drawn that conclusion. I would be wanting him to think very hard as to who it might be and you do the same. Any attempts to brush off or ignore would not look good.

trippingthelightfantastic1 · 27/07/2024 11:14

Oh what a horrid thing to receive OP.

I wonder of the person hasn't provided any details as by their very nature it might reveal who they are?

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 27/07/2024 11:26

I think that if it was true the sender could and would do better than just "your husband's a cheat"

Twistybranch · 27/07/2024 11:26

The person is clearly lying and just trying to cause trouble.

If they knew your husband was having an affair they would provide evidence. However, all they want to do is shit stir and create doubt in your mind.

Thats what they want- doubt.

And for that doubt to destroy your marriage.

Beeinalily · 27/07/2024 11:40

It was a card rather than a letter though, so could be a younger person. I agree that it's usually old people who send actual letters.

Roselilly36 · 27/07/2024 11:50

Seaitoverthere · 23/07/2024 22:18

This happened to a friend of mine. Eventually the husband of the other woman came clean that he had sent it as felt she should know, he had come home and found them together.

I know someone a very similar thing happened too, turned out her DH had had a baby with another woman. It’s a very odd thing to do otherwise, no smoke without fire.

meganorks · 27/07/2024 11:58

My first thought when reading your post was that it was malicious and someone wanting your DH for themself. The 'dump him' part just sounds odd to me. Surely telling someone their DH cheats (preferably with some evidence!) is enough, and it is down to the person what they do with that information. The fact that they haven't used your name suggests they don't actually know it. Or maybe that is a double bluff. Maybe it's someone who wants you to be single?!

If I recieved something like this I 100% wouldn't believe it. I'm sure Mumsnet would have me down as a mug, but there just isn't anything else to back it up. You seem to feel the same, and your DH's reaction isn't making you suspicious. So by all means be vigilant, but I would try and forget about it. If it is someone trying to mess up your life, there might be more. And if there is, maybe they will slip up next time.

abs12 · 27/07/2024 12:01

This was sent to disrupt. In that sense it's irrelevant if it's true or not. Someone is causing hurt to your family so please don't give them that power. Like you said, if they wanted to help you more info would have been given but sounds simply like someone who doesn't like your husband or a random prank. If you have no reason to not trust him then forget it and enjoy life... Don't let another person control the trust in your marriage.

PS Aw you do sound so nice. I hope your family member is doing okay ❤️

pleasehelpwi3 · 27/07/2024 12:10

You mention that it included the postcode- anyone can look this up if they know the first line or even part of your address, so it's not an indicator of being someone you know really well.
I like the police suggestion as a malicious communication.

Dancingqueen18 · 27/07/2024 12:18

I agree with a pp who suggested involving the police with view to finger prints. I wouldn't do this unless I received more than one. I would definitely threaten to do this to see his reaction.

Fairyliz · 27/07/2024 12:29

I worked as a secretary for a company where my married boss was having an affair with a married colleague. They weren’t particularly discreet about it and it caused a lot of upset amongst the staff. She worked part time and when she wasn’t in he disappeared to ‘meetings’. It was also felt that she got special treatment at work.
One day boss called me in and accused me of sending a letter to his wife, mainly because they had used an envelope similar to the ones we used in the office!
It wasn’t me, but I have an inkling of who it was; one of our other colleagues had been very vocal in her disapproval.
I never did find out for definite who sent it but boss and wife split up shortly after and he left the company, which was a good thing as our relationship had become very strained.

Desmodici · 27/07/2024 12:33

I would see the reason for lack of detail, and the suggestion to dump him, being that it was posted by the OW. She's hardly going to give details on who she is, or when they meet, and she would be wanting him free of you so she can have him fully.
Your husband's reaction sounds good, in that he didn't act the guilty party, but as others have said, if I were in his shoes I'd be extremely indignant and angry that someone is attempting to ruin my marriage with lies, and be wanting to know who sent it.
There are some crazy people out there, though. I'd not been dating a guy long when a random woman messaged me through Facebook, claiming that she'd spent a night with him (didn't mention his name, just referred to my boyfriend). He was with me on the night she said it happened, so it was impossible. I never heard from her again.

BlackShuck3 · 27/07/2024 12:33

I would watch and wait for the other pieces of the Jigsaw to materialize . . .

Somerandomgirl · 27/07/2024 12:37

Im thinking Its either the woman he cheated with or her husband sending u that..... maybe she didnt know about you etc and found out at the end etc... of course yours will deny, noone that cheats will say it...

TossieFleacake · 27/07/2024 12:45

This happened to me, I have posted about it before on other threads.

I got 5 anonymous letters over the course of a year, they had written the letter on a computer and printed it out, same with my name and address... cut out and stuck on the envelope, like I was in some sort of ITV drama.

They sent me a bit weird for quite a long time.
I still don't know who sent them or if they were true.
It destroyed my trust in a lot of people.

It's a horrid thing to deal with.
I hope you get to the bottom of it quicker than I ever did.

Idontgiveashitanymore · 27/07/2024 12:53

stonedaisy · 23/07/2024 22:16

Its an act of revenge for something

This ⬆️
has he refused someone’s advances or p* ssed someone off at work?

letsjustdothis · 27/07/2024 12:58

CalicoPusscat · 24/07/2024 20:14

That's quite sweet 😆

Hope it made you prance around a bit at being DH's other woman

Show quote history

Sounds like 2 x Christmas presents to me 😂

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 27/07/2024 13:02

People who send anonymous messages are scum. No exceptions.

OP, you either trust your husband or you don't. All this scabby person has done is worry you whilst they sit back and watch. If you don't have concerns and didn't have before, then ignore.

letsjustdothis · 27/07/2024 13:04

Saucisson14 · 24/07/2024 21:24

I am going to pay a bit more attention to women at his place of work!

Show quote history

Does he ever mention you at work? If so, they would probably know your first name and use it.

ExhaustedHousewife · 27/07/2024 13:10

TossieFleacake · 27/07/2024 12:45

This happened to me, I have posted about it before on other threads.

I got 5 anonymous letters over the course of a year, they had written the letter on a computer and printed it out, same with my name and address... cut out and stuck on the envelope, like I was in some sort of ITV drama.

They sent me a bit weird for quite a long time.
I still don't know who sent them or if they were true.
It destroyed my trust in a lot of people.

It's a horrid thing to deal with.
I hope you get to the bottom of it quicker than I ever did.

Hope you don't mind me asking,did you stay in the marriage? It must be soul destroying.

shuggles · 27/07/2024 13:24

@Saucisson14 “Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence” - Carl Sagan

JFDIYOLO · 27/07/2024 13:30

Tell him you will be contacting the police today.

Tell him that under the Malicious Communications Act 1988, it is a crime to send, with the intention to cause distress or anxiety, a letter or electronic message that is that is indecent or grossly offensive, constitutes a threat, or which conveys information that is false and known or believed to be false by the sender. This is what is known as a ‘malicious communication’.

The maximum sentence that can be ordered for sending a malicious communication is a prison sentence of up to two years or a fine of any amount, or both.

Show him the card and envelope in a plastic bag - tell him you're preserving any fingerprints on them from now on, and that the place of posting will be identifiable.

Watch his face.

If there's an OW involved, his reaction may tell you he's frightened. For her, of her.

If he agrees readily that could be a good sign.

Malicious Communications Act 1988

An Act to make provision for the punishment of persons who send or deliver letters or other articles for the purpose of causing distress or anxiety.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1988/27/section/1

Northernparent68 · 27/07/2024 13:48

JFDIYOLO · 27/07/2024 13:30

Tell him you will be contacting the police today.

Tell him that under the Malicious Communications Act 1988, it is a crime to send, with the intention to cause distress or anxiety, a letter or electronic message that is that is indecent or grossly offensive, constitutes a threat, or which conveys information that is false and known or believed to be false by the sender. This is what is known as a ‘malicious communication’.

The maximum sentence that can be ordered for sending a malicious communication is a prison sentence of up to two years or a fine of any amount, or both.

Show him the card and envelope in a plastic bag - tell him you're preserving any fingerprints on them from now on, and that the place of posting will be identifiable.

Watch his face.

If there's an OW involved, his reaction may tell you he's frightened. For her, of her.

If he agrees readily that could be a good sign.

The police don’t know it’s false so they won’t get involved

Wideskye · 27/07/2024 13:49

I once got a phone call on our on call number asking "If knew where my husband was?"
I replied yes.
"You don't really he is bonking my mate at this very moment!'

Hubby was sitting beside me on the sofa! He was on call and I had answered.

Turns out some kids from my school had put both our names together and thought it was a laugh!