Anonymous card that husband cheats

[Saucisson14]

Never posted before but would really appreciate some advice as am sending myself mad! I received a card to home address including postcode. It stated that my husband is a cheat and I should dump him. No other details and didn’t call me by my first name but just Mrs and surname. Husband immediately denied it I have to say I believed him. There have been no signs of affair, nothing to make me suspicious although the seed of doubt is planted of course yet I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.
My question is what would someone have to gain by doing this if there wasn’t some truth? We don’t have any enemies (well any that we’re aware of). If it were true, why would they not give more details that provided some proof?

Ah that’s really interesting!

Its similar to the way guilty people get angry if you ask or question them whereas innocent people tend to be confused.

That's interesting, I'd have thought it the opposite way around. When it happened to DH and me, neither of us led with 'it's not true, I would never cheat' as it was such a ridiculous accusation - that reaction would somehow feel falsely over the top. Instead, our first thought was 'who did this?' If I try to imagine now a similarly false accusation - 'someone told me you're a Russian spy', my reaction wouldn't be 'OMG, I'm not a spy, I'd never do that, I love my country!', I'd scoff and ask why anyone would make up a rumour like that.

Of course, I'm sure it would be very different if the police//FBI had arrested me for something I'd not done - then I would be very upset and I don't know which would be my first reaction 🤔

Do you know him?

It's an oddly specific response if not

Honestly I would do more digging. A friend told me about a mutual colleague who was using prostitutes at his home whilst his wife was away. I was horrified for the wife and considered writing her an anonymous letter. I didn’t bother in the end and thankfully she divorced him a few years later.

It’s a lot of effort and bother to write a letter like that. Either it’s true and someone is looking out for you or it’s false and someone is causing trouble. Either way get an STD test and keep your wits about you.

Thank you again for all your advice and providing personal experiences or that of friends. It shows all the many possible scenarios and that’s why it’s so difficult to deal with.
Haven’t dismissed anything and certainly consider all possibilities whilst attempting to maintain my sanity! do think however, if someone was trying to help me then they would have provided some evidence, even a little bit of something to go on. I truly would appreciate anonymous contact if it provided something concrete and really wouldn’t care who sent it if it outed a cheat. Will be on high alert for any possible clues!

Sounds like it's either someone out for revenge for something,or someone fancies your DH and wants you to split. If there really was an affair going on, surely the letter writer would have some evidence to tell you. It all sounds too vague.

This is a long shot but you could consider if there is anyone out of his group of friends who might have been cheating and who has now been found out. When I was cheated on, he told me some stuff about a couple of his friends cheating. I did consider sending an anonymous letter to their wives but I didn't know these women at all so I've never contacted them. I don't even know if what he told me about his friends is true.

I agree that there had to be a lot of motivation to do something do destructive.

Unless of course it’s local youths having a laugh? Lots of young people like a drama/ having an impact without fully absorbing how destructive they can be. I only mention this because the “ leave him” bit sounds immature. And the “ Mrs Surname ” is a bit odd as surely anyone such as the wife of his friends etc could get hold of your name?

@Saucisson14 are either of you teachers?

Also - are you on the electronically accessible Electoral Roll?

I'm thinking along the same lines.

Not being cheeky but I bet a lot of local youths will have never have actually sent any sort of letter or card in their lives. It's not something younger generations do. And increasingly more older people don't send things via the post in this way.

Don't ignore this, keep your eyes open to the fact that he may be cheating. My dh worked with a man who had been having an affair with a single colleague for years, they worked together closely and had a lot of overnights away, always booking two rooms but only using one, this was common knowledge within the company (it was a pretty toxic workplace, dh was very glad to move on), the guy having the affair had gotten married and had a child during the affair, weirdly most of the staff were females in their 20's and 30's and they didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with the behaviour except for one who confided in dh that she was tempted to send a letter to his wife telling her that he was cheating but she was afraid to give any detail in case it led back to her. Don't know if she ever sent it but from what dh has heard the affair is still ongoing. Don't assume it's a hoax

Yes I suppose that’s a good point.

It sounds like someone knows something you don't and is trying to let you know.

This is also true to be fair.

This thread has reminded me that my DD was accused of sending a "poison pen" letter with another friend a few years ago. There is a long back story to this but it was complete bollocks. Was also a family member IIRC, like the poster with the crazy BIL.

My daughter might have been to her house but wouldn't have known the exact address or even how and where to buy a stamp at that point as this is something she wouldn't ever have had a reason to do. They do buy cards for friends on their birthdays though but not posted.

(If it had been a cyberbullying accusation I would have gone batshit as that would have been more plausible, given the generational context.)

It doesn't really sound like that, though.

If they saw Dave with another woman at Wolverhampton Odeon on Friday 1st June, then they could have written that. They didn't. It's so vague it contains no verifiable claim.

Does DH have any friends or colleagues or do you know anyone at all who lives in that city?

Either he's cheated or someone hates him and wants to mess up his life.

I can only echo what many are saying. It sounds like someone who holds a grudge. Maybe even a neighbour that you annoyed by parking outside of their house once even. Some people are just plain bonkers / nasty, and enjoy watching the chaos and misery they spread.

Someone wants you to split up, for whatever reason.

I would be inclined to believe your husband.

It does sound malicious and I feel it is just a nasty letter. However, I would still keep my wits and just look out for signs.
I can't believe how horrible some humans are!

My thoughts is that someone has a grudge, likely an older person to send snail Mail, there isn't any proof in the context they've written so go by your trust for him, if he was cheating I'm sure you would of felt some suspicion.

Being a bit of a Miss Marple, it will be the person you least suspect. People who hold secrets are professionals at hiding them. Start to look at close contacts and also, is there anyone of your friends who may have a crush on your hubby and is being spiteful?

🤣

My friend had a letter sent along similar lines - turned out to be from the other woman who was upset that he’d ended things and was hoping to split them up so he’d go back to her.

I think a letter is still seen as a good way of remaining anonymous and ensuring that it can't possibly be tracked back to the sender, in the way an electronic message might.

As they haven't included any specific details of the DH's affair despite supposedly being a witness, it seems that staying anonymous is a bigger priority for the sender than enlightening the OP. Which implies that the letter may be false/malicious.