Anonymous card that husband cheats

[Saucisson14]

Never posted before but would really appreciate some advice as am sending myself mad! I received a card to home address including postcode. It stated that my husband is a cheat and I should dump him. No other details and didn’t call me by my first name but just Mrs and surname. Husband immediately denied it I have to say I believed him. There have been no signs of affair, nothing to make me suspicious although the seed of doubt is planted of course yet I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.
My question is what would someone have to gain by doing this if there wasn’t some truth? We don’t have any enemies (well any that we’re aware of). If it were true, why would they not give more details that provided some proof?

Do you mind me asking how you found out?

I found out because the postmark was somewhere we knew no one. I was in fact so unconnected to the area that as soon as I saw it I thought the only time anyone had mentioned this county to me was that pushy woman wanting me to go to dance classes who mentioned a few weeks back she was going to stay there. It tallied with the date mark. I never figured out if she wanted me to know it was her and had planned it when she told me she was going; or if she thought she was being sneaky weasel but slipped up.

The other thing she had done was when I gently conveyed I wasn’t wanting the type of intense relationship she was looking for with me, she switched all her attention from me to my boyfriend whenever we bumped into her. Some people get buzzzes from the power of playing mind games. But at some level they are sad,

Hey, the same happened to me years ago. Turned out to be a hoax from a bat shit woman at his work. I hope it turns out the same for you.

Well she sounds truly delightful! I’m glad you got some closure, I can only hope for the same.

I am going to pay a bit more attention to women at his place of work!

I had this- and there was literally absolutely no way it was true- it was after lockdown, we were both home working and have three kids- never believed it for even a minute. We were both really upset by it and spent ages trying to work out who would have done something so horrible. It was near Christmas so thought it was a Christmas card. I got another one in the Easter after. I kept both and not long after that we started having really awful problems with an immediate neighbour and it became apparent to us that it was them who had sent them. It took a while to realise it though but it was so upsetting and intimidating. It could be perfectly innocent and someone just being an absolute dick, it does happen sadly.

How old are you op?

Well I came home to an anonymous letter, no real details other than husband was having an affair and a telephone number but no name or anything. Cut a long story short, after about a year I found out it was from the lady my husband was having an affair with. Obviously my husband denied it all and I had to figure it out for myself. I only hope from reading the other posts this doesn’t apply to you. Hope everything works out xx

Someone did this to a colleague of mine. They told her husband that she was cheating with a man at work. She 100% was not cheating with anyone. Luckily her husband believed her. We never found out who did it or why. She did make a complaint about someone once and we thought it could be him getting revenge.

Yes there’s lots of strange people out there who would do this type of thing to stir up trouble.

I’d have suggested op let it go as that but for the fact he doesn’t seem interested in trying to figure out who framed him… 🤔 I’d be hugely motivated to in his position.

I just had something similar happen. (I made a post about it)
I deduced it was my jealous exh. Could it be your husbands ex wife?

Last year a woman posted that shed received an email at her work email accusing her of having an affair with another woman's husband. It was all a bit crazy and sparked a long thread where it turned out the lady who sent the message was having a mental breakdown and had been searching for random people online then writing to their work emails accusing them of having an affair with her husband. I seem to remember she didn't actually have a husband and the police ended up going to the woman's house in the end. If I find the thread I'll post it.

Was it first class or second class stamp? Not cheap nowadays.

You’d expect to feel anger towards such a person but actually I can only feel pity. Imagine doing that …

I think my thoughts have spun right round on this op. I had thought it was more likely to be someone you knew targeting you; but I’ve now noticed it was addressed to “Mrs Surname.” That kind of suggests they were scrabbling about to get a “ legit” way to reference you. Do you share your husband’s surname?

Just out of interest OP did you buy your home (as opposed to renting)? If so, was it recently?

There’s more chance his cheating than someone going out their way to be malicious.

Considering the chaos it caused the victim yes, it was the last thing anyone on that thread was expecting as the outcome.

Well of course because he's a man. 🙄

Sorry OP but just going back to your DHs reaction when the letter arrived and you showed him it:
There is an old thread on Netmums about a woman who received an anonymous letter and one poster cited an expert - John Douglas , FBI agent ( who I've never heard of).He apparently said the general rule is the innocent person would question the action I.e that he cheated. And would say stuff like. Cheat? I would never cheat on you.
The guilty are more likely to question the evidence : who on earth would say that, who would send such a letter.
Just wondered if your DH's reaction fitted either of these sort of categories.

My bil had an affair with a 'friend' of my sil's, who was in a relationship with another man in their friendship group.

The OW's bf - Joseph (not his real name) found out about the affair, but didn't tell my sil. He knew that
a) she'd find out about it sooner or later, and
b) my sil wouldn't thank him for telling her, either way.

In the meantime, Joseph and Samantha's relationship suddenly ended, and the usually very mild-mannered Joseph told my sil: Sam's a cunt.

It was only after everything had come out in the wash, that my lovely sil was able to connect the dots.

What a horrible thing to do. If someone truly had evidence and your best interests at heart, they should have pinpointed something you could follow up on. Your husband's reaction sounds genuine, on the face of it, but if he's been feeling guilty about an affair, he might have prepared himself for any mention of it.

On the other hand, there are some crazy people out there. Sending an anonymous card like that is a particularly mean thing to do, and quite likely to simply be vindictive against either one of you.

This week I had an entirely unexpected and exceedingly petty accusation made against me by someone I encountered near my place of work, that according to them happened decades ago. They knew my name so that wasn't in doubt but their vitriol concerning something very minor that couldn't have happened the way they said it had, was quite unsettling. I certainly felt 'abused' by it.

Which towns near you have ‘Mind’ charity shops or Mind offices where such a card might be sold?

Has your DH or you ever received any cards signed by lots of colleagues?

You may be able to guess the age group of the person by looking at the handwriting style? Certain styles of handwriting were taught in schools in different time periods. For example, in the noughties there was a big emphasis on teaching cursive styles in primary, with a popular style having a ‘lead line’ for each letter, starting from the line. But if they print each letter separately then I suspect they were in primary school in the eighties or nineties. Not foolproof, but it might tell you something.

If they write a bubble or heart over their letter i then they are definitely a bit sad female!

The mind card could be more revealing than you think - does DH work in mental health or has his company recently had a mental health awareness day or anything?

And THIS is why people shouldn't be encouraged to tell others anonymously.

@Saucisson14

yes, it could be someone maliciously but the much more likely situation is the unpalatable one. People are advised ALL the time to tell the wife anonymously. It's cowardly and doesn't actually help the wife really.

i know you don't want to believe it of your DH. But don't just sweep it under the carpet.

I'm sorry for how you're feeling, it's utterly crap.