Anonymous card that husband cheats

[Saucisson14]

Never posted before but would really appreciate some advice as am sending myself mad! I received a card to home address including postcode. It stated that my husband is a cheat and I should dump him. No other details and didn’t call me by my first name but just Mrs and surname. Husband immediately denied it I have to say I believed him. There have been no signs of affair, nothing to make me suspicious although the seed of doubt is planted of course yet I don’t want to make accusations without any proof.
My question is what would someone have to gain by doing this if there wasn’t some truth? We don’t have any enemies (well any that we’re aware of). If it were true, why would they not give more details that provided some proof?

Do some digging op. No smoke without fire

Impossible to respond individually but am really appreciating all your views and advice. Lots have mentioned about the possibility of “shooting the messenger” hence the anonymity but I can assure you that I wouldn’t care who sent if it pointed me in the direction of catching him out. Many years ago a friend was on the receiving end of it backfiring when she face to face told another woman about her partner cheating….boyfriend wormed his way out of it and the friendship was no longer! I also have lots of friends who’ve been cheated on and have seen first hand the devastation when it appeared that often lots of people including so called friends knew about it but never told them.
If there was another woman and she herself had sent it then I’d be packing his bags and wishing them all the best! I would assume if it was indeed her that she knows my dreadful personal circumstances, so the twist of making it out to be a “thinking of you” card would tell me everything about her sick mind and he’d need more than luck!
My eyes are wide open and I’ll continue to look for clues! Thank you all so much, I’m astounded by how supportive this all feels.

A man I used to work with cheated on his wife regularly with multiple women.

One of his "girlfriends" got caught by her husband and he posted a letter through the wife's door.

The man bragged about how he lied to his wife saying there was no proof as there were no names.

Makes me sick remembering it,

So yes it's possible

Might be a woman who wants him free of you. Don't necessarily jump out of the marriage yet. If he wanted to go, he would go

A totally innocent man would be wanting to find out the origins. I'm m cynical about this kind of thing and think unless its your best friend or your mother I wouldn't worry more than about the disease aspect. Lots 0f cheating going on in the world why wreck a home?????

I know someone who this happened to. The husband came clean. They split and he now lives with the ow.

stay on your guard. This didn’t come from nowhere !

Omg, that makes me wonder if the husband sent it because he was looking for a way out?
Too far fetched?

I had a man turn up on my doorstep and tell me that my husband was having an affair with his wife. He was very apologetic, thought I should know because he , my husband, had been sacked from his job at a school. My husband was not and never has worked at a school. The poor man found the address of someone with the same name and made an assumption. It was a hell of a shock to be told that so clearly even though he had the wrong person

I'm afraid I'm in the camp of thinking there is no smoke without fire.

Look at the multiple posts on MN from women saying their spouse would never cheat and the multiple other posts from women saying how they were blown sideways when their spouse told them he was leaving or they found out he was having an affair.

People cheat all the time. Many women never find out and many women bury their heads in the sand because they don't want their lives and their kid's lives turned upside down

I had a married woman , stalk me , we were 19 at the time she was 30 , we had two boys and one night her husband came round after she befriended me , apparently he asked her to go for a shg in a club but he told me some woman who said she knew me had asked him to hold a bottle of water, I didn't know her at this point , a while after she tried her hardest to befriend me and I had no idea who she was , then found out she was an old school friends SL and she sat in my house pointed at our family photos and said is that your fella I said yes and I got the vibe she had something to say so I said "look if your sat in my house with something to say just say it", he was working away at the time, she just said she knew his face from a club and had seen him kissing a girl wearing a white dress , now he had bumped into one of my friends and she was wearing a white dress that night and had hugged him innocently, which he had told me about as I was working a night shift and he met me after clubbing with friends , so I knew about both incidents luckily, then i got a bit of doubt in my head and asked my old school friend and told her what was said after telling her about what happened in my house.
that's where my friend said "no she told me that he asked her to go for a shg", my now husband doesn't speak that way so I didn't believe it , a few months later her DH turned up , my DH answered the door it was evening and her DH punched mine and he closed the door in shock , I was getting one of our boys to sleep , he said about the punch and accusation and I found it strange that she would go to that extreme to lie to her DH so I do understand your doubt, but their are mad crazy people out there, Jealous even.

My mum had an affair. My dad didn’t know until the day she left. Just because he says he hasn’t doesn’t mean that’s the truth. Majority of people aren’t going to go ah you got me it’s true. Also for someone to know your full address incl postcode it must be someone you either know but I doubt any family or close friends would do this for fun? Absolutely nothing to gain from that OR it’s his mistress.

It's probably true. He will be good at covering his tracks.

Well if you look at it that way, why worry if it’s your mum? Keeps it in the family and at least she probably can’t get pregnant.

I'm another who thought reflexively that it will have come from an impatient OW.

That said, a family member had a very similar letter that turned out to be from a concerned third party - and was true. The cheating spouse confessed when confronted and promised to end it. They limped along for a while but it all started up again and the marriage broke up in the end.

I'm afraid I would err on the side of there being something to it tbh. In as much as you have other things to worry about atm, I think I would deal with those and then when things have calmed down perhaps use an investigator to see if there seems to be anything.

For me, my husband and "best friend" both, separately, questioned the evidence. I was told the wrong name of the restaurant they were at together. They both denied ever being there- and I thought it was strange, as my reaction would be more "why would I go out with your best friend and hide it from you?"

How awful for you, such a horrible thing to go through and especially when you have so much else going on.
I really hope this is just somebody being malicious but the same thing happened to my MIL. It turned out it had come directly from the other women. FIL had ended things with her and she thought that the anonymous letter would make MIL kick him out and he would then want to go back to her.
Be kind to yourself but have your wits about you.

Someone has taken a dislike to you or him.

The dislike is so strong they've gone to the lengths of trying to split you up.

You can assess your relationships with family, friends and work colleagues and will have an inkling if it's someone you've upset or annoyed deliberately or just suspect they may be jealous of you or even if you have an admirer.

Once you come up with not having any idea who it could be and that there is no one you could even just a little bits suspect then you have to scrutinise your husbands relationships with others.

However, my first thought is that it's most likely to be a neighbour stirring up trouble for whatever reason.

Do you make a lot of nose is the number one complaint, trees making shade, followed by putting bins out and then any mess at the front of your property that is an eyesore.

Oh surely not the last paragraph. Noone would be so wicked !

@Calliopespa you only have to read on here the many posts of people complaining about neighbours, even over petty things but they will not go round and knock and discuss any problems reasonably.

Petty acts of revenge and tit for tat seem to be the only way people behave when when they refuse to communicate directly.

Yes I suppose so.

The more I think on it, the more I reckon DH has an admirer - rather than an affair. An actual affair would have had more lethal information I think. But the “leave him” is a clear motivated instruction. A helpful informant would just say “ just so you are aware…” and leave it at that.

Something like this happened to my gran. She ignored it and stayed married (and, yes, happily) for, I think, 62 years.

I have known this happen once only to anyone I know and it was true. People don't do these things for no reason.

Has anything else happened OP? Anymore letters or cards?

I have had had some bad relationships in the past, but also realise people can be mean spirited and malicious. But I’d side with there’s a reason it was sent to you and would be investigating further I’m afraid to say.

Sounds bullshit to me. What is the point of sending such a letter if you don't accompany it with some sort of proof?
Don't waste more brainpower on this.