New house in DP's name only. Confused about future housing situation

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I'm just looking for some advice/opinions. Me and DP are not married. However we have been together for 9 years (we live in England). When I moved in, my name was not put on the mortgage, this didn't matter because it wasn't my property, we were also 'dating' at the time and I moved in as I was in a tricky situation housing wise so we decided to see how it went. Once I started working I paid around £400 per month, equating to around half the groceries and bills.

DP wants to move and sell the house. The mortgage has nearly been paid off. He is being gifted some £, so new house will effectively be paid for (once the current property sells.) there will be no mortgage. He has asked me to help out more financially, and mentioned a logder agreement, also asked me how much the rate is for private rent, which is around £700 in this area for a 1 bed flat, so he has given this figure + half bills and food as a rough idea for a contribution.

However I'm worried.. not sure if I should be? I just have a niggling feeling that if something should go wrong (either - he decides to split with me, Or he dies - he's 10 years older than myself). What happens to me. The house will go to any remaining family member or if there are none, to the government. He mentioned that if anything like that happened, worst case scenario is I could lodge elsewhere 😨 However he did say I'm on the will, I think this is for his pension only.

I just want to make it clear I'm not wanting to take any money from him, I'm not being greedy. I just want security for myself. I don't really care if I end up in a bed sit as long as it's secure, there's some sort of agreement in place or I own it with my own mortgage. It will be very tough to save for my own deposit if I'm contributing the rate of a rented 1 bed flat. I work compressed hours over 3 days (30 hours) I hate my current job and I'm looking for something else. Unfortunately due to a poor upbringing, and ongoing mental health issues I've not been able to have a 'career' I did try training as an OT but had to drop out after year 1, I was severely burned out and just couldn't manage. (I think I actually had a breakdown - I was prescribed AD's which made things worse).

He did say that getting a buy to let would be a good idea, I agree but I don't think I could deal with the complexities of this at the moment. I don't think I have enough for a deposit (I have approx 20k in savings).
Please be gentle 😅 he reads MN so will probably read this, I am only looking for opinions though. Thanks

People in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s can get mortgages.

OP I sense you’re very isolated. But is there a friend you could stay with for a little while?

You need to get something legal sorted in writing I found this out the hard way, with a partner 7 years had a child lived in his house, gave up my work to be a SAHM while he went to work, then found out he had been cheating on me for the entirety of the relationship, he moved out and gave us a tenancy agreement to stay in the house near to the kids schools but 2 years later he served us a section 21, made us homeless as we couldn’t afford private rent of a similar house in the area, ended up in the most disgusting run down crack den of a hotel for emergency accommodation, me 2 kids and no cooking facility or proper heating in the middle of winter, since been moved to a 2 bed temporary flat but it doesn’t suit our needs as my daughter has to share a bed and a bedroom with me.

Never thought a man that claimed to love me would do that to me or his child and step child be raised for 7 years but they do

OP,
I can't help but wonder if some of your depression and mental health struggles are coming from your partner undermining you (e.g. treating you like you are not capable of housework for example) and also him not allowing you to feel any security in your home for the future (not putting you getting the property in his will despite having no other close family).

It seems to me feeling down would be quite a natural reaction in these circumstances and you might begin to feel better if you move on from him.

OP this is totally bizarre. Your DP of 9 years wants you to be his lodger and pay him rent?! This is not a partnership. After 9 years together I would absolutely insist your name is on the mortgage for any new property. If he wants to share his life with you, that should include sharing a home together. I’d say offer to contribute some of your savings to the purchase if it makes him feel better but honestly based on this attitude, I would run a mile. I’m sorry to say this but he really doesn’t care about you if he doesn’t care about you being able to stay in your home after he dies and is happy for you be just find somewhere to be a lodger. This is just awful.

OP. It sounds like you’re this man’s housekeeper and he wants to add ‘lodger’ to that as well.
if you’re living with your partner who is a higher earner and he expects you to pay rent and bills on a home that’s soon to be paid off, are you even his partner?? You can do better!

I think you’re better off going to lodge elsewhere and finding yourself a man who’s more caring and an actual partner than this miser you have saddled yourself with.
i don’t care that he’s on mumsnet, he’s welcome to quote me 🙄🙄🙄

I’d do this and you could always have a small mortgage to make your % of the house more? That way you’d be benefiting yourself rather than his pocket!

I don't think that you can have a but to let, unless you own another property. You would need to check on this.
Secondly, a buy to let, you need to pay a higher deposit & probably mortgage interest rate.
It is not that simple

Plus
Landlord insurance
Gas & electric safety certificates
Rent agreement & checks
Deposit scheme
Money for repairs
Money to pay council tax, mortgage if the property is empty
Responsibies
Etc, etc

Suggest do your research

Of course you can if you have a high enough deposit

He’s doubling your rent what? I’d leave. He’s selfish jerk.

Firstly…. This is a level of uncool and it tells you how he feels about you… I’d say convenient possession. He is basically setting you up so that he holds all the power and id like to know if it’s actually depression or is it a case of your with someone who’s makes you feel this way? The fact that you're scared that he reads this speaks volumes. You can do life without him, you will get a mortgage and you will sort your life out. I don’t reply much on mn but the reason I am is because I was you, with the added bonus of children and he’s still a multi millionaire and left me with nothing when I had the balls to leave. I didn’t want intimacy not because I don’t want intimacy but because he made me feel worthless and the thought of him touching me made me feel sick. I’m 45, had no idea what to financially because I was his offer from the age of 24 and I have just bought my first home. You are better than this….

I would suggest that you get a joint mortgage for a new property, he can contribute the cash deposit for half the property & you agree to pay the mortgage for the other half. That way at the end, you both own the house and both contributed to it. He doesn’t have to put in his total cash, just 50% of the house value. Both names on the property, should anything happen you both have security.

If he didn’t want to do that for your own security, I would leave. If he loved you, he would want you to be secure too.

You've been together for nine years and probably lived together for only a little less, so were you involved in the decision to sell the house and buy somewhere else?
Aside from the money, (I think he's being way too unfair), what's with the not letting you do any housework? Is he quite controlling in general? Also, I wonder if you feeling like your life is over and that you're feeling depressed, is partly because he's been making you feel this way? You might just feel so much better on your own without him.

The first two responses are correct.

Lodgers don't have sex with their landlords.

It's a pity you haven't managed to save more in the years you were with him, but if you can pay the going rent to him, you can also afford to leave him and get a place of your own.

If you decide to stay together you both need to add up all your shared bills and work out what they actually cost, then you both need to agree on a fair way to split them.
At the moment it sounds like your partner is just giving you a figure and you’re paying it? It seems like you don’t know how much the bills actually are? Therefore you don’t know if what you’re paying is actually fair?
Perhaps the cost of living has increased the bills and it is fair you pay more or perhaps your partner is using the cost of living as an excuse to charge you more. Perhaps there is a compromise between £400 and £700. Without seeing the actual figures it’s impossible to say.
Best of luck OP, i hope you get the support you need with your mental health.

"He has asked me to help out more financially, and mentioned a logder agreement, also asked me how much the rate is for private rent, which is around £700 in this area for a 1 bed flat, so he has given this figure + half bills and food as a rough idea for a contribution. "

I would be telling him to find himself a new lodger.

Trouble is he's not a husband

Which is i think exactly what he wants to do.

The relationship has run its course. They don't sleep together, he is buying the house on his own, he's just not up to stating the obvious.

I’d say talk to a lawyer. Well. Really. Get a better bf.

If your name isn’t on the title you shouldn’t be contributing beyond gas/electricity and groceries. And he should be covering all house expenses. He’s the one building equity.

also tax wise when you sell its better to have both names on it. Government gets less.

Going to be really controversial here but say it as I see it. Your partner earnt and paid for the home you live in whilst you have done part time work. You don’t have intimate relations with him. He has spent time trying to encourage you to invest in your own property. You want him to put your name on his new property so you could possibly divorce him next year and take half of what he paid for?