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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
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courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 10:32

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ARichtGoodDram · 22/07/2024 10:32

He’s in a huff because his fantasy - which he thought was watching you and another women, but likely was actually the two of you all over him - flopped and he’s made an idiot of himself.

His reaction means to me you should dump him. If something goes wrong in your sex life you and your partner should be able to laugh it off and move on.

Nothing worse than a sulking man child.

ARichtGoodDram · 22/07/2024 10:34

He’s also likely in a huff because she’ll have been clear with him that her interest was you, but he likely assumed that when it came down to it the two of you would have been mostly focussed on him.

Men often assume a threesome with two women will leave them feeling like some sort of sex god. In this case though he was simply the watcher as her interest was you (and I’d bet you she was clear about that - he just didn’t listen).

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:36

ARichtGoodDram · 22/07/2024 10:34

He’s also likely in a huff because she’ll have been clear with him that her interest was you, but he likely assumed that when it came down to it the two of you would have been mostly focussed on him.

Men often assume a threesome with two women will leave them feeling like some sort of sex god. In this case though he was simply the watcher as her interest was you (and I’d bet you she was clear about that - he just didn’t listen).

Good points you've made there, thank you

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 22/07/2024 10:38

This is hilarious!
It's like the Jerry Springer show!

OrlandointheWilderness · 22/07/2024 10:38

This is exactly why threesomes should generally stay as a fantasy. It can be incredibly tricky to navigate even in a long established relationship with two people who really understand and get each other. I've had a few in the past - the absolute key thing is that you are there as a couple. Neither of you should be doing anything without a mind to your partner and checking they are happy and included. TBH it sounds a bit like you might have got a little carried away with her, and in that situation I can completely get why he felt angry. You need to go into things like this having discussed expectations and how you will interact otherwise it can blow up in your face.
In future I'd wait until you've been with a partner for a few years before doing this.

thecatneuterer · 22/07/2024 10:39

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What does having children have to do with it? They weren't exposed to any of it.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:41

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Just to clarify my children are all grown up and at university (twins) I'm just in the habit of calling them that still.
I lied to him & said they were coming home from uni early for the summer & I need to be there for when they arrive ( they're not actually back until today)
I do not have any small children at home.
I am at a point in my life where I have more freedom and am experimenting after a long boring marriage for 23 years. Please dont judge

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 22/07/2024 10:41

You're better off without him.
No doubt he got his idea from porn, and thought he'd be getting two women pleasuring him and making orgasm noises.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:41

thecatneuterer · 22/07/2024 10:39

What does having children have to do with it? They weren't exposed to any of it.

Thank you

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/07/2024 10:42

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:41

Just to clarify my children are all grown up and at university (twins) I'm just in the habit of calling them that still.
I lied to him & said they were coming home from uni early for the summer & I need to be there for when they arrive ( they're not actually back until today)
I do not have any small children at home.
I am at a point in my life where I have more freedom and am experimenting after a long boring marriage for 23 years. Please dont judge

You don't have to explain yourself.

I'd finish things with this guy though.
He seems extremely immature and has very poor communication skills.

taxguru · 22/07/2024 10:43

Ditch him. He's been watching too much threesome porn and didn't like the reality!

I'd also suggest you contact her to get together again, as it sounds like you were both into each other and there seems to be something there for you to explore (even if you don't think you're bi!). No harm in the two of you having a bit of fun.

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 10:44

Sorry I’m partly repulsed partly amused,

it does read like this poor woman was doing all the work. What were you doing, why weren’t you involving him?

seems to me you were all over each other and left him out. Clearly his fantasy was you’d both be all over him. He then behaved like a child.

MargotEmin · 22/07/2024 10:44

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Grow up. There is nothing shameful or dirty about two consenting women enjoying a sexual experience, just a shame about the fella.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:45

OrlandointheWilderness · 22/07/2024 10:38

This is exactly why threesomes should generally stay as a fantasy. It can be incredibly tricky to navigate even in a long established relationship with two people who really understand and get each other. I've had a few in the past - the absolute key thing is that you are there as a couple. Neither of you should be doing anything without a mind to your partner and checking they are happy and included. TBH it sounds a bit like you might have got a little carried away with her, and in that situation I can completely get why he felt angry. You need to go into things like this having discussed expectations and how you will interact otherwise it can blow up in your face.
In future I'd wait until you've been with a partner for a few years before doing this.

Ok thank you for this. We did get a little carried away, it was my first time and I was surprised at how much I liked it , also he has been telling me for months prior to this that watching two women all over each other was a huge turn on for him so I thought he was enjoying it, until I saw his face 😔

OP posts:
Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:46

TomatoSandwiches · 22/07/2024 10:42

You don't have to explain yourself.

I'd finish things with this guy though.
He seems extremely immature and has very poor communication skills.

Yes the poor communication since has been a massive turn off

OP posts:
Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:48

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 10:44

Sorry I’m partly repulsed partly amused,

it does read like this poor woman was doing all the work. What were you doing, why weren’t you involving him?

seems to me you were all over each other and left him out. Clearly his fantasy was you’d both be all over him. He then behaved like a child.

She wasnt doing all the work at all , I was also trying to involve my partner and she kept turning away from him

OP posts:
Persiancouscous · 22/07/2024 10:48

He is in a mood because it didn't go his way. If she was all over him and you wasn't allowed to participate as much, he would be saying you were jealous.

Me and my DH swing and it's never been like this, ignore the vanillas criticising.

I dont think it was a wise thing to do as you two haven't been together long and when expanding your sex life, you need to be involved in chat as well. To make sure you are all on the same page.

I would put it down to experience but don't think I could get over his embarrassing sulking and attitude. He had every right to say it wasn't working but the sulking is childish.

Peoniesinbloom · 22/07/2024 10:48

yikes, that sulky behaviour would give me an ick.
is it because he wasn't centre of attention?

Peachy2005 · 22/07/2024 10:49

Sorry @Cherryblossom85 but in a way it’s hilarious. He thought the two of you would be all over him and when it wasn’t like that, he threw his toys out of the pram. His sulking afterwards sounds deeply unattractive! I know you said he’s great in every other way but I don’t think he’s the guy for exploring your boundaries with. As others have said, consider another date with the nice lady. Good luck 🍀

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:50

Peoniesinbloom · 22/07/2024 10:48

yikes, that sulky behaviour would give me an ick.
is it because he wasn't centre of attention?

I think you've hit the nail on the head !

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SuncreamAndIceCream · 22/07/2024 10:51

I think it's hilarious sorry - he obviously expected some sort of porn fantasy where he was the centre of attention and when it didn't work out like that he got pissed off. What a child.

I also think you should get in touch with the woman.

PrincessMee · 22/07/2024 10:51

I think most of us know the pitfalls of how a threesome might go without you telling us 🙄

AzureAnt · 22/07/2024 10:52

Reason number 6,987 why a fantasy should stay just that, a fantasy
Dump him and move on

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