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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
ChilliSquib · 22/07/2024 11:25

I suspect the current Queen might be more open-minded than the last one.

That's what I was thinking. She probably wouldn't mind at all paying for breakfast. She's probably got Apple Pay.

Heartofglass12345 · 22/07/2024 11:26

I'm also in the ditch him and message her camp, it sounds like you both enjoyed it!

Runsyd · 22/07/2024 11:26

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:16

Yes I have thought this through & no I wouldnt if liked that. I have tried to talk to him alot since Friday and hes having none of it that's the issue for me really , not that he didnt like it but his communication and shutting down and being rude since.

Oh for god's sake stop pandering to him. He's an idiot. He could have been good humoured about it and just enjoyed the show, but his manly ego got hurt because it wasn't like all the porn he watches. His reaction deserves nothing but your ridicule and contempt.

Dartwarbler · 22/07/2024 11:26

Well I think you deserve some sort of award for helping one man to understand why porn should stay in his head as a fantasy, and not think porn equals real life.
youve probably done his future partners a favour
👏

RareLemur · 22/07/2024 11:26

I don't blame you for getting the ick.
The fact that the threesome didn't go the way he had expected and he may have been disappointed is one thing.
The acting like a sulky toddler and taking out on you by being rude, whinging about the breakfast, ruining the rest of the weekend, .... that would make me rethink things.

Luio · 22/07/2024 11:26

I suppose it is inevitable in any threesome that people will be attracted to one person more than another. I guess good threesome etiquette is to try to hide it. The whole scenario is quite funny though.

Maximusdecimus · 22/07/2024 11:27

Good for you! Dump him and explore that side of yourself, I would.

5128gap · 22/07/2024 11:27

I think you've learned a few things about his character. He is entitled, and wants everything his own way. He is immature and when things don't go his way he takes it out on other people. If he's not happy he doesn't want you to be. He treats people as toys for his gratification rather than autonomous human beings with their own feelings and desires. He is a sulker happy to spoil things for those around him when he's in a mood. It's really up to you whether you can tolerate these traits in a partner.

BobbyBiscuits · 22/07/2024 11:28

He was clearly hoping you'd both be fawning over him like a couple of porn stars. Well, the phrase 'be careful what you wish for' springs to mind. The fact it went that way isn't the end of the world. But his reaction really is pathetic. Blaming it on you that she fancied you and not him. Haha. Sorry I shouldn't laugh.
But yeah, I'd say this is a good time to say sayonara to that one permanently. He'll probably be so embarrassed he'll never be able to perform again, even if you didn't chuck him?!

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:29

Just a little update, thank you for your replies, especially the non judgemental ones 😊 so to answer some questions , yes she knew we were after a threesome, in our msgs we actually said that I would like to watch those two to begin with and then join in she said she was really into this in msgs. However when we met it was almost like she found me attractive and not him! Then when she suggested starting with me first we all agreed together he wasnt left out.
Also I included him many times, I kissed him , touched him as did she however she kept turning back to me and ignoring him 🤦‍♀️ to the point where he was sat on the end of the bed and we were all over each other. Yes in hindsight maybe I should have stopped , I actually did start to stop as I saw his face change and when he said about getting her a cab I agreed.
This was my first experience if this so I expect there are many things I could of done differently, however the fact he isnt even talking to me about it has pist me off more than anything... at the end of the day it was all his idea

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 22/07/2024 11:30

Meet up with her and take a photo, send it to him saying he’s dumped.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:30

*sorry for the typos

OP posts:
MissMoneyFairy · 22/07/2024 11:31

I'd forget them both, it didn't go his way and the woman may have joined the group knowing she's not interested in men but just enjoys their reaction. It sounds a bit of a mess, nothing to feel bad about though and you can laugh about it.

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 11:31

I suppose he got himself so over excited about it, couldn’t believe he was about to have sex with two women, got all worked up, clearly fancied the new woman, couldn’t beleive his luck and then realised she didnf fancy him and the op was more into her than him led to major disappointment , rejection and hurt. Still no excuse though.

WetBandits · 22/07/2024 11:31

Persiancouscous · 22/07/2024 10:59

Get yourself on Fab after dumping him. 😂

That way madness lies! Grin

OP I used to have threesomes (from Fab!) and I admit I was never particularly focused on interacting with the man, they just happened to be there 😂😂😂

Dump him and message her!

kkloo · 22/07/2024 11:33

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:29

Just a little update, thank you for your replies, especially the non judgemental ones 😊 so to answer some questions , yes she knew we were after a threesome, in our msgs we actually said that I would like to watch those two to begin with and then join in she said she was really into this in msgs. However when we met it was almost like she found me attractive and not him! Then when she suggested starting with me first we all agreed together he wasnt left out.
Also I included him many times, I kissed him , touched him as did she however she kept turning back to me and ignoring him 🤦‍♀️ to the point where he was sat on the end of the bed and we were all over each other. Yes in hindsight maybe I should have stopped , I actually did start to stop as I saw his face change and when he said about getting her a cab I agreed.
This was my first experience if this so I expect there are many things I could of done differently, however the fact he isnt even talking to me about it has pist me off more than anything... at the end of the day it was all his idea

Lots of people are saying to contact her but I actually think it's fairly shitty for her to carry on when she knew she wasn't into him.

Anyone can change their minds at any time, but if you're the third in a threesome and only fancy one of them I would say you should bow out and not just carry on with one of them ignoring the other one. It's like cucking someone without their consent.

Imagine it was the other way around, she was only into him and not you. And made you watch her fuck him and then left.

I'd think she had some kind of weird power/degradation kink.

Of course your BF should NOT be blaming you for this at all but I don't think she comes across as amazing as other people seem to think either!

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 11:33

MissMoneyFairy · 22/07/2024 11:31

I'd forget them both, it didn't go his way and the woman may have joined the group knowing she's not interested in men but just enjoys their reaction. It sounds a bit of a mess, nothing to feel bad about though and you can laugh about it.

Suspect it’s more she really didn’t fancy him

Floorbard · 22/07/2024 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

People who have children are still allowed to have sexual experiences. Worry not.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:34

Runsyd · 22/07/2024 11:26

Oh for god's sake stop pandering to him. He's an idiot. He could have been good humoured about it and just enjoyed the show, but his manly ego got hurt because it wasn't like all the porn he watches. His reaction deserves nothing but your ridicule and contempt.

I'm not pandering to him. I tried to talk to him on Saturday all day and nothing. I have not messaged him since Saturday evening and left him to it.

OP posts:
janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 11:34

Out of curiosity, when you booked the room and checked in, did all 3 of you front up at the reception desk 😄

PeriIsKickingMyButt · 22/07/2024 11:35

I'm someone who has had threesomes and been on fab quite a while. LOADS of couples come on fab looking for a unicorn - single, bi woman - basically to fulfil their sexual fantasy (usually the man's if we're honest) without thinking about what the woman is going to get out of it or why she should spend her time with them. The woman of the couple is usually straight or bi curious and wanting to 'experiment' and the man wants to fulfil his sex god fantasy. As you've discovered in real life the unicorn is queen of the show and they can be (and usually are) VERY picky about who they meet for these very reasons.
I don't believe for a second that this woman arranged to meet you without having expectations that she would be having sex with you only. Those are the things that established swingers set out when arranging a meet. Your boyfriend has probably disregarded her boundaries from the start.

BUT my other caveat is if you swing as a couple, and one of you isn't into it (communicated via words or body language) you should stop or take a break to check in with them. It's very poor to just carry on because you're enjoying yourself when your partner clearly isn't.

Watchkeys · 22/07/2024 11:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

And all grown ups have to have your morals?

dogmandu · 22/07/2024 11:36

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

😂

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 11:36

PaleSunshineOfHope · 22/07/2024 11:24

I suspect the current Queen might be more open-minded than the last one.

One certainly gets that impression 😀

Hankunamatata · 22/07/2024 11:39

I'd message her and see if she fancies a date.....