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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Beginningless · 22/07/2024 10:52

I feel really happy for you having the courage to explore your likes and dislikes in this way after your marriage! It’s a shame it didn’t work out as planned but in a way a great opportunity for you to see how he is when things don’t go his way - no wonder you found this unattractive. He was probably feeling rejected/sexually frustrated - but in a relationship these things may come up again in other ways and you’ve now got valuable information about his difficulty managing his reactions to these feelings.

None of our business but I’m curious if you’d explore things with the woman given how that went.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 22/07/2024 10:52

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Really ? Why just because she was intimate with a woman. Get over yourself.

Ohnobackagain · 22/07/2024 10:53

@Cherryblossom85 sounds like a lucky escape from him that you should take. He’s shown what he’s really like - this was all his idea but he has thrown his toys out the pram when it didn’t fit what he imagined. It was all about him. Or the reality scared him and he couldn’t deal with it. However, he should have seen that’s not on you - you shouldn’t have ended up paying for breakfast because his plans didn’t live up to his expectations. Chalk it down to experience.

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 10:53

Isn’t there a scene in friends where Ross encounters something similar,,😂

courgettes4eva · 22/07/2024 10:53

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 22/07/2024 10:52

Really ? Why just because she was intimate with a woman. Get over yourself.

yeah… cos that’s what sticks out from this thread 😆

Crayfishforyou · 22/07/2024 10:53

So he has realised women don’t need a man in order to have sex, and has thrown all of his toys out the pram?
Dump.

Begaydocrime94 · 22/07/2024 10:54

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hahah you would be scandalised at some of the stuff I've done as a mum then! Makes for a fun life though

ilovepixie · 22/07/2024 10:54

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

Weird!

Begaydocrime94 · 22/07/2024 10:54

Also, ditch him and get with her.

DryIce · 22/07/2024 10:56

Gosh how embarrassing for him! He sounds immature and like his view on sex has been developed by porn. "Really into watching two women" sounds like he meant porn-style - two women writhing performatively, casting coquettish looks at him and ending up all over him. Not...two women actually enjoying each other sexually.

Sack him off and message the woman, OP

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:56

PrincessMee · 22/07/2024 10:51

I think most of us know the pitfalls of how a threesome might go without you telling us 🙄

😂👍

OP posts:
Cotonsugar · 22/07/2024 10:57

This man’s behaviour would give me the ick too. What future situations will he act in the same way? Think I would move on after this and look for someone more emotionally mature.

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 22/07/2024 10:58

Well his had his ego well and truly stamped on !!! He thought he was going to have 2 women fawning over him and he feels really rejected poor thing 🤣. I think you should get In touch with her. Who needs a man anyway. Shocked at some of the reactions on here to be honest Are people really still this narrow minded.

OtterMouse · 22/07/2024 10:58

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Persiancouscous · 22/07/2024 10:59

Get yourself on Fab after dumping him. 😂

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 10:59

I’d also move on op. Not sure you can come back from this. But I’d also think about your own sexuality as you’re at a min bi sexual, so what gender do you wish to be with?

ARichtGoodDram · 22/07/2024 11:00

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:36

Good points you've made there, thank you

Jealousy is the biggest issue with threesomes. Closely followed by unrealistic expectations.

He had utterly unrealistic expectations and his jealousy followed. In my experience the men often think their partner will be the jealous one but a lot of the time it ends up being them.

Just a wee thing - if you did enjoy it and want to experiment more, never let someone else do all the chatting. That should have been a red flag in and of itself from both her and your partner. Neither of them should have been ok with expecting you to get naked with someone you never even chatted with.
I wouldn’t be overly surprised if she thought some of the pre-meet chats she had were with you…

HalebiHabibti · 22/07/2024 11:04

That is hilarious. He is vewy vewy cwoss 😂

Deserthog · 22/07/2024 11:04

His ego was hit hard.

He thought that his fantasy would be all about him - she wasn’t supposed to be really into you - it wasn’t meant to be allllll for him to watch but god forbid the two of you enjoy it.

His reaction would give me the ick too.

PinkyPonkyLittleDonkey · 22/07/2024 11:04

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Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:04

DryIce · 22/07/2024 10:56

Gosh how embarrassing for him! He sounds immature and like his view on sex has been developed by porn. "Really into watching two women" sounds like he meant porn-style - two women writhing performatively, casting coquettish looks at him and ending up all over him. Not...two women actually enjoying each other sexually.

Sack him off and message the woman, OP

I agree , his behaviour has me looking at him in a very different light now unfortunately 😳

OP posts:
MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 22/07/2024 11:06

I think it's very rare for threesomes to genuinely work in a relationship, the dynamic is off, if you want a threesome much better 3 people none dating any of the others so you're all there on an equal playing field, purely for the physical experience.

If he's usually great I'd give him a minute, think about how you might've felt if she'd been ask over him and pushing you away and he was loving it. If he comes back in a day or two apologises for his reaction and accepts threesomes are probably best kept as fantasy it might be salvageable

Cheek2cheek · 22/07/2024 11:06

Ditch the bloke, call the woman 😂

Honestly, threesomes are always rubbish (she says, having experienced one of them, but it was rubbish). Your boyfriend clearly mistook this woman for his porn fantasy and then couldn’t cope when she turned out to be an actual human being with her own mind. I’d usually just say chalk it up to experience and keep the fantasies in your head but his reaction is so unpleasant that I’d take it as a big red flag.

YouJustDoYou · 22/07/2024 11:07

LOL, his precious, pathetic ego got hurt he wasn't wanted.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:07

Deserthog · 22/07/2024 11:04

His ego was hit hard.

He thought that his fantasy would be all about him - she wasn’t supposed to be really into you - it wasn’t meant to be allllll for him to watch but god forbid the two of you enjoy it.

His reaction would give me the ick too.

This is exactly how it felt. He was practically rubbing his hands with glee when she said she would like to take things further that evening , he had the biggest grin on his face. I agree I dont think he liked that I was enjoying it!

OP posts: