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Threesome went wrong

838 replies

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:29

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Compash · 22/07/2024 11:07

I'm glad you enjoyed your side of things - this might be a nice new avenue for you!

But it shows what happens when some men see women as some sort of one-dimensional wank fantasy for themselves... it can come as an unpleasant surprise to realise that women are real people with their own wants and desires...

ALunchbox · 22/07/2024 11:07

This is quite funny actually, sorry!
That would put me off him.

Stinksmum · 22/07/2024 11:09

It sounds grim really, but say for instance you invited another man for a threesome and he totally ignored you and actually grimaced and removed your hand when you touched him you wouldn't like that either would you?

Couldyounot · 22/07/2024 11:10

Is his name Ross?

DryIce · 22/07/2024 11:10

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:04

I agree , his behaviour has me looking at him in a very different light now unfortunately 😳

Edited

Yes, it's just so rude to the woman as well - sulking and refusing to talk to her, as if he's had a faulty item delivered! And seemingly no appreciation of the fact it is not risk free, what she did meeting up with a couple of strangers - he should have been doing his best to put her at ease

But I do realise it is easy for us all to jump to say leave him!! He got it wrong and was embarrassed, we've all behaved badly under those circs. If he can talk about why, and apologise etc etc it may be salvageable. How much do you like him !

SiobhanSharpe · 22/07/2024 11:10

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

Well, you never know... can't say I'd be altogether surprised.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:11

Beginningless · 22/07/2024 10:52

I feel really happy for you having the courage to explore your likes and dislikes in this way after your marriage! It’s a shame it didn’t work out as planned but in a way a great opportunity for you to see how he is when things don’t go his way - no wonder you found this unattractive. He was probably feeling rejected/sexually frustrated - but in a relationship these things may come up again in other ways and you’ve now got valuable information about his difficulty managing his reactions to these feelings.

None of our business but I’m curious if you’d explore things with the woman given how that went.

Yes I now feel like I would like to explore with women. I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed it & how different I felt being intimate with a woman as opposed to a man. It felt alot more sensual , its certainly opened my mind ... which is ironic really given it was his fantasy

OP posts:
BMW6 · 22/07/2024 11:11

janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 10:53

Isn’t there a scene in friends where Ross encounters something similar,,😂

Yep. Pretty much the exact scenario with the 2 women (his wife and a friend of hers) all over each other and Ross not getting any action.

Ross got bored just watching after a while and made himself a sandwich.

Turned out his wife was gay all along.

FailBetter · 22/07/2024 11:12

Haven't rtft but ditch him and see how things work with her?
Good luck x

ChampagneLassie · 22/07/2024 11:13

Did you get details? 😉 she sounds much more fun. Honestly men. My BF also had this fantasy, with my consent he arranged a high end sex worker (I’m very sure she was in control and choosing this, but I do now think I wouldn’t be comfortable with paying for sex) and we both talked about exactly what we were comfortable with beforehand and as customers we got what we wanted. It didn’t feel too transactional in the moment but I’d definitely not opt to do that again. Not least in my mind I’m thinking she’s not really into this it’s just for money which is off putting

ZebraD · 22/07/2024 11:13

You haven’t really been seeing him that long so still in the honeymoon period no doubt. I guess he showed his true colours when things aren’t going his way. Ditch him and give the girl a ring and date her instead lols!

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:13

Couldyounot · 22/07/2024 11:10

Is his name Ross?

😂 very funny , I am a friends fan so love this 🤣 the thing is in friends its Carol's idea isnt it? In my situation it was my boyfriends... whose name isnt Ross 🤭

OP posts:
janeintheframe · 22/07/2024 11:14

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:13

😂 very funny , I am a friends fan so love this 🤣 the thing is in friends its Carol's idea isnt it? In my situation it was my boyfriends... whose name isnt Ross 🤭

Well he broached it you ran with it. 😂

SerafinasGoose · 22/07/2024 11:14

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 10:50

I think you've hit the nail on the head !

I agree. I also think the woman sounds a good deal more attractive a proposition than he does!

notthedressiwanted · 22/07/2024 11:14

I'm glad you had a lovely experience (well, until he showed his true colours)!
Do not stick around for him to show them again.

The world is your oyster. Go explore and have fun, and if you like new things, take pleasure in it x

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 22/07/2024 11:15

ilovepixie · 22/07/2024 10:54

Weird!

It's a saying - a quote. It made me laugh.

Tilandsia · 22/07/2024 11:15

This reminds me of that programme on Ch4, the Great Sex Experiment or something, a couple agreed to a threesome with a woman but when they were getting down to it, the man felt left out, rolled over and tried to sleep while his partner and the other woman carried on Grin

It’s good that he’s shown his true colours early on. Often IME, men will be everything you want until you challenge them in some way so it’s important to test how they react to conflict and disagreement early on. Throw this one back op. At least you got to explore a different side to your sexuality, just a shame he had to put a dampener on it.

Cherryblossom85 · 22/07/2024 11:16

Stinksmum · 22/07/2024 11:09

It sounds grim really, but say for instance you invited another man for a threesome and he totally ignored you and actually grimaced and removed your hand when you touched him you wouldn't like that either would you?

Yes I have thought this through & no I wouldnt if liked that. I have tried to talk to him alot since Friday and hes having none of it that's the issue for me really , not that he didnt like it but his communication and shutting down and being rude since.

OP posts:
ReformMyArse · 22/07/2024 11:16

Sorry op, this is very funny.

i don’t quite get how a threesome would work, surely someone is always a bystander. Awks to be watching on, unclothed. He thought that would be you, but it ended up being him 😂

I’d go find yourself a partner (man or woman) who just wants you.

Hb7x3 · 22/07/2024 11:16

The funny part is, had she been obsessed with only him and left you out I'm sure he wouldn't have cared one bit lol

kkloo · 22/07/2024 11:16

What had they discussed in the messages?
Did she think that he just wanted to watch or did she know that he wanted to have sex with her too?

haveatye · 22/07/2024 11:16

There's something very Alan Partridge about this, I imagine the bloke sitting in the corner looking pissed off, in an anorak

Was the hotel the travellodge Partridge lived in?

GnomeDePlume · 22/07/2024 11:16

fluffiphlox · 22/07/2024 10:42

How unlike the home life of our own dear queen.

That's what you think!

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 22/07/2024 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Too funny 😂😂😂😂😂

Grammarnut · 22/07/2024 11:17

Threesomes as a fantasy sound great. As a reality they often do not work out at all since either one participant is left out or the attraction is not equal. My late DH - who tried this, though not with me - pointed out that uncomfortable emotions emerge and relationships come unstuck. Were he here, he'd probably say that if there is emotion/love/affection between the people involved then that is in danger of being destroyed in the arguments, unpleasantness that emerge either at once or over time.
Fantasies are generally left where they are - in your head.

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