Threesome went wrong

[Cherryblossom85]

Hi all I'm posting this for a couple of reasons really.
One being I have noone else to get this all of my chest too as I haven't told any friends about it and Two to warn other how a potential threesome could go.

So here goes
I've been seeing a man for about 9 months, he has always treated me very well all the things I had been looking for including No games. Grounded. Mature. Kind . Funny and we have always just clicked from day one.

A couple of months ago we spoke about sexual fantasies his being a threesome, he said he would never make me feel pressured to do this though & was happy for it just to be a fantasy. As time went on I felt more comfortable with him sexually & said I would like to explore this with him .
He was clearly very excited & got to work straight away on joining dating sites & sites aimed for swinging / threesomes.
I left all that side to him as I'm not really into messaging people back & forth.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago he msg me and told me he has found someone, she would like to explore with us as a couple

He sent me the conversation between them and the photos they had exchanged, it was all very open and he said I could change my mind at any time ( which I have felt I can do)
We had arranged to meet her this friday just gone.
The past 2 weeks leading up to it, she is all he has spoken about it was like he was obsessed , i just said to myself well once it is out if his system maybe he wint be going on and on about her so much.
To cut a long story short ... we met her friday evening, I found her very attractive and there was an instant chemistry between us.
We all chatted for a while and then she made it clear she would like to take things further that evening so we booked into a hotel.
The thing is , she seemed very keen on me and was all over me , kissing touching etc. The man I'm seeing was initially into it he then turned and said to her can I join in now and she said no not yet I just want to be with her for a minute , so he respected that.
As things progressed she only wanted me , I stopped and asked her are you actually gay? Or not attracted to my boyfriend? That's ok if either of those things are correct however we were after a threesome, she then kissed him for a while and they started doing other things together ... I could see her actually wince though as if she just was not attracted to him in the slightest ... she kept turning back towards me and when he put his hand on her leg to get involved she said no and moved his hand off her.
It was all a bit awkward however I was quite enjoying being with her , I looked over at my boyfriend and he looked very angry , I had never seen him like this before!
She then went to the bathroom and he turned to me and said that he doenst want the threesome to continue and that he was going to offer to pay for her cab.
He was very short with me and it was clear he wasnt having a good time so I agreed.
When she came out of the bathroom I was polite and friendly and said it wasnt working for us as a couple and we would call her a cab. I was so embarrassed about my boyfriend's behaviour as he was grumpy now and didnt speak to her before she left. I walked her out to the cab gave a hug and said goodbye.
When I walked back into the hotel room my boyfriend was very cross and said shes obsessed with you! I said to him I'm so confused this is what your fantasy you have said for a long time that you wanted to see me with another woman .I understand she was more attracted to me then him however I couldnt help this.
Anyway his behaviour has now given me the ick and I dont think I want to see him anymore!. We went to sleep that evening and the next morning we went for breakfast he moaned about how expensive the bill for breakfast was ( it really wasn't) I had never seen him behave like this before now.
I offered to pay for it just to keep him quiet and to stop the moaning although it was his turn to pay as we often take turns.
I paid for the breakfast we got up to leave and his whole attitude was miserable. I tried talking to him and he was having none of it , again something I've never seen in him before as we have always communicated well.
By Saturday afternoon I was ready to go home , we had the weekend planned together but something had switched inside me after seeing him like this and I made my excuses and said I needed to get back as my children were coming back early . I made it up but I just had to leave , I couldn't stand to be around him.
I feel like theres no going back from this.
Any advice over what to do please?
Thanks in advance

Yes we did 🤭🤣 I know it's so random, definitely an experience I tell you!

I have only had one threesome in my life and never again. In this case it was because his girlfriend ended up crying so didn't end too well.
You can dump him for any reason at all. But being moody about something he wanted to do and continuing to be grumpy is a good reason in my book.
Just tell him acting like a sulky teenager is a huge turn off and you're dumping him as you wanted a relationship with an adult.

People come to your life for a season, a reason or a life time. So the reason is there. Any change you can call the woman again?

Hi yes so I have discussed with my boyfriend that I was bi curious , however I had never done anything like this before

He's having a "Mantrum". A man tantrum. Sounds like he lulled you into a false sense of security for a fantasy gone wrong. What else does he have up his sleeve for the future? You and the other woman should have done a "Ross" on him (Friends).

Be grateful that you've seen the sulky, man-child side of him this early and move on. His fantasy wasn't a threesome, his fantasy was you both fighting over him (what a stud!) and he couldn't handle not being the centre of attention. TBH if you were enjoying it then I'd sack him off and go and finish what you started with the unicorn!
I'd have got the ick long ago I'm afraid but maybe I'm just a jealous prude. 😅

He's in a huff with you because you didn't correctly recreate his sexual fantasy for him, and he's upset that you enjoyed the woman that he had suggested bringing into your bed.

My advice? Don't stay with anybody who's given you the ick, and, if you decide to have another threesome in the future, make sure all the boundaries are set in place beforehand. This 'he'd told you he loved watching 2 women together'/'he was upset at having to watch you with another woman' thing is very confusing. How the hell were you supposed to know what he wanted out of those 2 opposite situations?

Sounds like you discovered something new about yourself. Did you get her number? misses point of the thread

OP, take a deep breath and a couple of weeks to get over this. You and your boyfriend took a gamble on something pretty big that you have never done in your lives before, something that you can probably hardly discuss with most of your friend either, and it didn't work out. These things take time to recover from, and the usual suspects who shout LTB whenever a man coughs a bit too loudly in public are not helping.

If your partner is as nice as you wrote in the first paragraph, he and you will survive this and come out stronger for it. But that's going to take a bit of time to find out.

He’s being a dick now but i dont think you or her behaved particularly well either
If she didnt fancy him she should have said from the outset so you could make a decision of what if anything happened next.
when you realised she didn’t want him anywhere near her you should have stopped her.

I suspect she was only interested in you from the outset and never planned to involve him

Funny enough no he couldnt perform Saturday morning when I tried to be intimate with him

I think he wasn't the centre of your attention for once and has showed his true colours. Tbh I'd have the ick after that too! As it was his fantasy he should have accepted that it may not go as planned because honestly any arrangement whereby you get into bed with someone you've only met online has a bit of a risk to it in many ways (may not work out from an attraction or safety point of view).

It's totally unreasonable of him to be angry and I wouldn't want that in my life. I'd also be concerned that maybe next time it'll be something else that hasn't made him happy and then you're into a deeper relationship with him (harder to extract yourself). Sorry OP, but I think you need to move on from him.

Dump him and message her for a meet up just the two of you.

I'm a bit undecided about this one. I would say threesomes are, in my mind, either for casual fun or practiced swingers, not spicing up an invested relationship with no experience of how to manage group dynamics. I mean I'm sure it can work but I would absolutely not go there.

However to me, the problem is that the term 'threesome' is so commonplace it sounds quite vanilla but actually has the potential to cause more shit than most fantasies, even going to a sex party as you can just interact with each other or watch others which wouldn't really affect the relationship.

I think he did the right thing in ending things if not comfortable. I'm sure if it had been you who was uncomfortable you would have wanted the threesome to be politely ended, no questions asked.

However, he doesn't need to still be petulant now. You tried something new. It didn't work out as a couple. No harm done except to his ego in front of a newish partner. (it sounds like you were very nice to the other lady and she was seen home safely). That isn't nothing, he will be feeling weird about It but he has to accept it was his idea.

Depending how you feel, I'd offer him one further chance to discuss this or let him know he's had enough chances to discuss it and you're going to leave things.

The problem is he isn't considering your feelings now and taking this experience on the chin.

I don't think it's massively his fault the other woman was acting repulsed and ignoring him. I think most people would have been very unhappy about that, male or female, unless they had agreed it would be just about you two interacting and him just watching.

I bet he won't want another one of those 😅😅

No judgement from me - I had a few threesomes in my youth. Not in a huge hurry to do this in my relationship personally but not against it either. Try and see the funny side. It didn't go wrong, it really didn't - he just had this embarrassing fantasy of two women being all over him and reality bit him on the arse. Well done you for being the actually more adventurous one! If it was me I would get the ick too, but I also would not be able to resist being like "aw, babe, it's OK if you're more conventional than you thought you were, no shame in it." He'd hate that.

Dump him and then message her 😂

@fluffiphlox Oh your dear Queen was partial to an orgy. Never a threesome life for her, you are right there. Always a full blown gang bang.

This op. Enjoy

Haha omg OP! Well, honestly, I guess that would feel really bad, being left out of a threesome. But you stopped when he wanted to stop and he could have just put it down to experience and laughed at himself for his fantasies not measuring up to reality. I bet he wouldn't have cared if you were the one being left out - it sounds like he just wanted to have sex with another woman in front of you and be admired on his performance etc.

Anyway, just ditch him. Maybe contact the woman again and see if she'd be up for meeting one on one.

😁

agree that your partner sounds childish and silly and that he obviously had a preconceived idea of what he wanted. sounds like the experience has been useful for you in exploring your sexuality and hope you have a lovely time going forward finding more out about yourself <3

creased at this 😂

Sorry it flopped OP. If you otherwise liked this guy and wanted to make it work I’d suggest a proper chat about what went wrong but honestly if you’ve got the ick it’s done.

Why would you pity her children? They weren’t in the room being forced to watch!

We parents are allowed to have a sex life, fantasise etc without having to think of our children ALL the time.