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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I am in love and it's making me miserable

232 replies

beansmum · 12/04/2008 16:58

I realise this sounds ridiculous but I am completely in love with a guy who I met again for the first time in 10 years last night. He is a friend from school in NZ who is in the UK for work. He is leaving again on monday, just to go back to work, not back to NZ and the thought of it is making me actually cry. Am I a complete freak? what should I do? I am seriously thinking of moving back to NZ to be there when he gets back. Tell me how to get over this please!

OP posts:
wannaBe · 17/04/2008 12:33

I wouldn't just assume he knows, esp if you were good friends before he may just think that you've been excited to see him/spend time with him.

I would go on the date with the guardian man. If nothing else it'll be a night out, and you might get on, even just as friends - I wouldn't be putting my life on hold for a man who said that he was coming back to yours and didn't show, and who hasn't been in touch since he left.

Maybe he's taking the "treat 'em mean keep 'em keen" approach, but personally I don't rate that approach at all.

mylovelymonster · 17/04/2008 13:08

Just being over protective. You don't come across clueless at all. Agree with trishpops & peasoup - might be nice to go on a date? It's just a date after all, and grauniad man might be really nice.

Do be careful tho x

mylovelymonster · 17/04/2008 13:08

If I was closer I'd offer to chaperone

Original poster
beansmum · 17/04/2008 15:24

I'm not going to go on the date. There is no way I will fancy him and I don't really need more friends, I can't manage to keep in touch with the ones I already have unless they have children.

OP posts:
StillWaters · 18/04/2008 11:31

Have you heard from your soldier man Beansmum?

Original poster
beansmum · 18/04/2008 17:53

yes. but only a text to say thanks for sending his stuff and letting him stay, and to say that he will be back from Ireland next week, has to pick up a friend in London and could they come and visit. not exactly romantic, they just want a free place to stay. No declarations of love or promises to return immediately and stay here forever.

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 18/04/2008 18:07

As much as you like him bean, don't let him take advantage

Original poster
beansmum · 18/04/2008 18:10

The friend he is picking up is also a friend of mine from school so it's not really taking advantage.

OP posts:
SheWillBeLoved · 18/04/2008 18:16

That's good then who knows, maybe his friend will click on to how much you like him and talk some sense into him

Original poster
beansmum · 23/04/2008 22:04

I really can't cope with this. I have been miserable for a week now, I haven't been able to eat, have lost 1/2 a stone that I didn't really need to lose, I haven't been sleeping and have been crying at inappropriate moments. I feel like I have broken up with someone, not just said goodbye to a friend for a week or two. I just don't know what to do, I can't go on feeling like this, it is really really extremely crap.

Just needed to tell someone how bad I feel. feel free to ignore me, I'll get over it in another 10 years.

OP posts:
SlartyBartFast · 23/04/2008 23:00

can't think what to say but wanted to give my sympathies...

it will get better and you are going to see him again after all, whatever yoru relationship is

Original poster
beansmum · 23/04/2008 23:08

I know, I am being stupid stupid stupid. I will see him again soon and will tell him how I feel this time, then if he doesn't feel the same way he can go away and leave me alone to get over it.

OP posts:
hippipotami · 23/04/2008 23:13

Aww, beansmum. When will you see him again? Has he been in touch at all?

FAWKEOFF · 23/04/2008 23:38

awww bean have just found thid thread and read throguh it....you need to tell him how you feel when he comes back, if your feelings are so strong for him and he doesnt feel the same then it is going to be virtually impossible for you to have him as a platonic friend....i really hope he feels the same way x everything crossed x

Original poster
beansmum · 24/04/2008 20:03

I just got a really nice email from him and feel even worse! I don't know what is wrong with me! He was just asking how we are, has the weather improved, telling me what he is reading and that he will give me the book when he's finished. Kind of nice to get an email for no reason, and he said 'I will definitely be back up to see you soon' so that's a good sign. I think so anyway! He's gone to switzerland for a few days though so he's obviously not as desperate to see me as I am to see him.

I'll stop being so dull now and only update if something exciing happens!

OP posts:
RainyWednesday · 24/04/2008 23:15

I read this whole thread the other night - wishing you loads of luck with everything. I gave DH a synopsis and he said don't be too subtle because men are idiots and don't read subtexts (I'm paraphrasing ). If you've Facebooked to say "I've sent your stuff" then all he's going to hear is "I've sent your stuff". Keeping my fingers crossed for you

peasoup · 29/04/2008 19:20

If he's sent you a nice email then that is a REALLY good sign as men won't especially bother to write nice chatty emails unless they're into you. That is a REALLY good sign; you should wander round feeling cheered up by it-that's an order!!!
When do you see him again? Get yourself looking gorgeous, but please try and keep busy till he gets here-you don't especially want to fall at his feet sobbing when you do finally see him. I repeat-a nice email is a REALLY good sign. Seriously, if you were just a mate he wasn't interesetd in he really probably wouldn't have bothered.

StillWaters · 06/05/2008 11:29

Beansmum, give us an update.

What has been going on? and how have you been?

Original poster
beansmum · 17/08/2008 16:17

guess what?! Lovely marine man is being posted to scotland mid sept! Yay! Just had to tell someone!

Other than that nothing exciting has happened, I am still in love with him but I haven't seen him since he went back to work in June, just phone calls and emails . I'm not getting my hopes up that anything will happen but it's slightly more likely if we are in the same country.

OP posts:
olympicsnotfederer · 17/08/2008 16:20

good luck

MindingMum · 17/08/2008 16:46

oooh, thanks for the update beansmum, I have thought of you so often since your last post

Please let us know - I'm a sucker for a love story

Original poster
beansmum · 17/08/2008 17:19

I'll keep you up to date!

I'm slightly concerned that he is only keeping in touch because it will save him money if he stays here on his weekends off once he's in Scotland. He keeps going on about this pay as you eat thing they have, he wont have to pay if he eats here.

OP posts:
Anglepoise · 17/08/2008 17:28

Way to a man's heart ... Keep us updated (and phone calls and emails sound good!)

peasoup · 17/08/2008 17:46

How nice to come accross this thread again. I've wondered how it went for you with hunky Kiwi. I agree with Anglepoise, getting phonecalls and emails from him is a REALLY good sign (see my post above from 29th April)

MindingMum · 17/08/2008 21:52

I know what you mean though - if I live to be 100, I won't understand how a man's mind works!!

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