I am in love and it's making me miserable

[beansmum]

I realise this sounds ridiculous but I am completely in love with a guy who I met again for the first time in 10 years last night. He is a friend from school in NZ who is in the UK for work. He is leaving again on monday, just to go back to work, not back to NZ and the thought of it is making me actually cry. Am I a complete freak? what should I do? I am seriously thinking of moving back to NZ to be there when he gets back. Tell me how to get over this please!

Beansmum send him a subtle but flirty text, funny, lighthearted, yet suggestive.

Texting is a great way to flirt.

You might as well, you need to know in your mind on way or another if he's interested, you've nothing to loose and everything to gain.

Planning your witty messages gives you something to focus on as well

Totally agree with MyLovely Monster; totally disagree with Stillwaters. DON'T phone him, and definately don't phone him blubbing! Don't text him first; let him text you first. If you text him and he doesn't reply straight away you'll only feel forelorn. Believe me, when he's away from you and doesn't hear from you he'll yearn for you and he'll yearn fro you far than if he's gettong texts and calls from you. You don't need to phone and text to remind him of your existence or move things along; if he's into you he won't need reminding- he'll already be thinking about you. And if he isn't already thinking about you then it's a non starter anyway as he's not feeling the same way about you as you do about him. He's going to get in touch -have faith- it'll be all the more exciting fro you if he calls; far more excting than if you call him. And far more exciting than sitting around feeling froelorn cos you called/texted and he didn't call you back. Just day dream about him but keep busy and he WILL be back in touch.

Oh sweetie, I've just read the whole thread. How lovely.
Wannabe: that was a leeetle bit mean IMO... besides, he did give her his number so by your standards, would mean he is interested

Beansmum, just be patient. If he said he'll be back, he will. Trust him on that. He had no need to say it, if he had no intention. He's asked you to send him hi things, thereby keeping more connection with you. Plus he did want you to have his number,which surely means more contact from you?

Try to resist texting him, and coming across as needy etc. Men hate that. they really do, until you are married to them, in which case, it makes them feel wanted and needed. Strange creatures they are

If he calls or texts you, do answer,don't play the game of not answering straight away for not wanting to come across to eager. IME, that always works the wrong way. You wouldn't wait a day or two if it were just a friend you had no other intentions with, so don't with him.. I konw you havn't done that yet, but, its a question that always raises its head IME

Oh, good luck lovely, and do please let us know if you get any contact from him!!

PS: I had to laugh about him having to pick you up and move you out of the way for following him everywhere inappropriately.

Reminded me a bit of that bit in Bridget Jones 2, where she's lying in bed watching him ( the gorgeous Colin Firth ) while he was asleep and he tells her to stop looking at him... not sure why it made me think of that, but it did!

Susiecutiebananas- good advice! They definately are strange creatures; I only wish I had been told all about their wierd ways when i was younger-would have saved me alot of grief. Listen to Cutie bananas Beansmum! If you feel like calling him just chop your hand off or something..

sigh, I feel all wistful and melancholy, remembering the early days with DH....

I can't eat!!! Totally forgot to have dinner today, that never happens. It MUST be love. Happily I can still drink so am enjoying the wine he left me and trying to resist texting him. If he doesn't call me soon I will have to give in though.

I keep thinking about all the stupid things I did/said this weekend. I wasn't myself at all. I'm sure he was expecting to meet the thin, witty, intelligent 16 yr old he remembers and instead was stuck with fat old me, who has no brain after having ds and knows nothing about anything important. Will start reading history books for when he comes back.

Don't you dare change, beansmum.

You sound lovely as you are.

quite right

Please don't text!!!

To be fair I do know way more than him about science, maths, literature, cooking, cleaning, looking after a small boy. he just knows EVERYTHING about history and politics, suppose the job he does makes it seem more important, I just don't have time to think about anything new by the time I've done my OU stuff and looked after ds all day.

I wont text! I will have to let him know that I have sent his stuff though, or I wont know if it doesn't arrive.

Look here........you're gorgeous, young, vivacious, and (I presume) have fragrant feet. He could do a LOT worse
Have you made a list of how you're going to thoroughly spoil yourself while awaiting his return?
You must - get plenty of rest/paint toe-nails/read romantic novels - Jane Austen would be appropriate here/have lots of lovely warm baths with small glass of favourite alcoholic beverage (alcohol is dreadful for the skin)/take healthful walks in the fresh air/eat favourite choccies - in moderation.

You need to be radiant, well rested, and above all your own lovely self when he returns - AND concentrate on your OU stuff, cos that is for your future and is very important.

Aunty Lou xx

one more small problem...

I signed up to the guardian soulmates website and someone I have been chatting with for weeks has just asked me out. I don't want to go, I just can't get at all excited about the idea. I am right to say no aren't I?

Now beansmum, I am going to shout at you again!

If you want to further investigate the Guardian soulmate fella (safely of course)- DO IT!

Do not put your life on hold for a bloke (lovely as he is). You are not some little woman to wait at home on the offchance that he decides he cannot live without you. Keep your options open.

Sermon over. As you were.

If you don't want to go, then don't. It's not right or wrong, it's up to you x

If you do go, make sure you ensure your own safety - this person will be a complete stranger after all.

is that you mum?! I'm not putting my life on hold, it just feels weird. I don't care about the guardian guy, don't care if I never meet him and, lovely as he seems, don't really want to waste a babysitter on him. Although last week I was posting a thread moaning about him taking so long to ask me out. Also, I am not as stupid as I am coming across on this thread and would be very careful if I did meet up with a complete stranger!

go for it,
you might enjoy it,
what are you doing on your date?

it will help you take it lightly...

lol beansmum, I will put my rolling pin away

I am very sorry but I sent him a facebook message. I think it would have been weird not to, I needed to tell him I had posted his stuff. I don't think I said anything inappropriate though. Now I am going to be devastated if he doesn't reply or call me...

Haven't even had a text since he left. Men are rubbish.

this thread is the best one ever one MN. beansmum i have everything crossed for you, i really hope it works out. in my humble experience it does sound like he is interested but men can get very nervous about this sort of thing. wait for him to get in touch with you now, even if he is constantly daydreaming of you it's only fair to give him a bit of space. keep us posted!
p.s. go on a date with the gaurdian guy if for no other reason than it will distract you whilst simultaneously boosting your confidence :-)

Am I right in thinking you haven't actually told him how you feel? You said that "he must know how I feel, right?" - so you haven't said the words - "I really like you and am attracted to you." Only, well, the thing is, men are generally dense about stuff like that and you may be thinking he must know because in your mind it's so obvious - but he may very well be totally oblivious! You need to make it crystal clear. Draw him a picture if you have to!

I agree with trishpops-distraction is a very good thing. It doesn't have to be a big romance with Guradian guy-just a a meal out so you're not pining at home for military boy. It could be a boost to your self esteem if he shows he fancies you which is good for confidence boosting. You need to keep your options open so you don't put all your hopes and dreams on this one bloke cos even if he does like you loads if he's your "only hope" you'll start feeling all desperate and anxious about him which will make you act wierd. Try and convince yourself he's not your only hope and go out with other blokes so when he does text/phone you sound all bubbly, happy, confident and attractive. If you've been sitting by the phone you might sound all wierd and stressed and demand he tells you NOW whether he loves you or not!!! (way to make a guy run a mile).
Leave it to him now and get on with trying to distract yourself and make yourself feel good. Please don't declare undying love before he does; by all means say it back if he says he loves you but wait for him to say it first! Sorry it all sounds so difficult but blokes are odd and get scared easy and basically playing hard to get unfortunately works best for them; annoying and un- PC as that might seem.

I have told guardian guy I will get back to him, haven't decided what to do yet.

Just in case you hadn't all already realized how pathetic I am...I slept with military boy's pillow last night. I think I'm slightly allergic to his aftershave though, I have a really red cheek this morning, feels like sunburn.

It's probably just from the constant nuzzling into it in your sleep