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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I am in love and it's making me miserable

232 replies

beansmum · 12/04/2008 16:58

I realise this sounds ridiculous but I am completely in love with a guy who I met again for the first time in 10 years last night. He is a friend from school in NZ who is in the UK for work. He is leaving again on monday, just to go back to work, not back to NZ and the thought of it is making me actually cry. Am I a complete freak? what should I do? I am seriously thinking of moving back to NZ to be there when he gets back. Tell me how to get over this please!

OP posts:

emmy1979 · 14/04/2008 12:37

At least he's decent enough to apologise and recognise he has been a bit off. Some husbands/partners don't extend that courtesy to their wife/gf. Good luck with saying good bye and post if there is any development.

littlewoman · 14/04/2008 15:19

You haven't been an idiot. It's okay to fancy a gorgeous bloke, it doesn't make you daft it makes you human. Wonder what all the picking you up was about if he didn't like you? Most peculiar. Talk about mixed messages. Sorry you're hurting

hertsnessex · 14/04/2008 15:30

i think you should tell him you want him to come back after the funeral - no harm in that.

StillWaters · 14/04/2008 16:49

Oh Beansmum, I just logged on hoping for a catch up on what I presumed would have been a romatic night.

I would be angry with him too TBH. It is just plain rude not to let someone you are staying with what you are up too, whether there are romantic implications or not.

Did he give a very good reason?

You have not made a fool of yourself at all, it defeinetlky sounds like he was sending you the right sort of messages and then for some reason nerves/drunkeness/stupid inability to see what message that would send to you, or whatever he didn't turn up.

I'd be angry too, but try to remember men do not think the same way we do. He may like you but not have thought it all through about how he is going away, about how tonight may be the night etc. He's proably just not planning and going with the flow, and maybe the flow last night was a few extra drinks with his brothger and he never considered the implications of that on you and him?

Strange yet simple folk men, and wonderful becuse of this.

I reckon it's not over yet.

peasoup · 14/04/2008 17:25

He's probably all confused and mixed up- he MAY even be drowning his sorrows cos he's desperately in love with you and thinks you will never ever feel that way about him. Bear in mind that blokes can get it very wrong and can be completely unaware that you fancy them-they are not so hot at picking up signals. Please don't be off with him when he comes for his stuff- it'll lead him to believe that you defiantely don't fancy him if you're off with him. Be light and breezy and happy to see him, absolutely NO recriminations about him not coming back last night. Hold his hand or something cos they can be very thick about realising someone fancies them. Good luck!

dizzydixies · 14/04/2008 18:17

good grief bloody men grrrr, has he come back yet?!?

am with peasoup - remain bright and breezy and nonplussed

and tell us as soon as

Original poster

beansmum · 14/04/2008 22:38

He's staying tonight as well...

Just 'checking my emails' while he reads a book. He bought me good pressies, and one for ds so I have half forgiven him.

got to go but will update tomorrow...

OP posts:

keepcalmandcarryon · 14/04/2008 23:07

good luck beansmum!

remember that men are very simple and easily scared creatures (think bushbaby)

hope all works out well for you.

StillWaters · 15/04/2008 08:16

Do update we are eagerly awaiting.....

chocolatespiders · 15/04/2008 09:42

looking foward to update here!!!

mylovelymonster · 15/04/2008 10:11

for beansmum -
hello
If he does declare undying love for you then that would be so wonderful. If he doesn't, then it's not the end. You're obviously close, so work with that - write to him when he's back on tour in Afghanistan - proper paper handwritten ones - they're always lovely to get - as well as e-mails. The rest may come with time.
Am very dull suggesting patience but I feel for you being so excited & then disappointed all in one weekend.
lots of love and a big hug,
aunty lou xx

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 12:17

He's gone now. I don't have any really exciting news but he is definitely coming back soon and he definitely knows that I like him. Just before he left this morning I gave him a big hug and told him that I didn't want him to leave, I had tears in my eyes but managed not to cry. He said that he was sorry he had to go, and after the funeral today he is going over to ireland to see family but he wants to come back the week after that. I don't think I'm stupid in thinking that, since he must know how I feel, he wouldn't encourage me if he wasn't interested. Would he?

I think I was being a bit unrealistic in thinking it would all be perfect immediately, but I will be seeing him again soon and we'll keep in touch and hopefully something will happen.

I am soooooooooo sad now. Just had to go to the parent and toddler group I run and was miserable all morning, actually cried and everyone thinks I am a freak.

I am

OP posts:

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 13:13

He has left some stuff here for me to send down to him, I put in a little note saying 'come back soon! xx' and ds bought him some chocolate buttons. I have sealed it up now but am having second thoughts...doesn't sound too weird does it? Is ds sending him something very strange? it was ds's idea btw. am I totally over analysing everything and should I really just get over it?

OP posts:

mylovelymonster · 15/04/2008 13:24

Don't get over it - enjoy your feelings. How wonderful to have met up again with such a lovely person. The note and gift from DS sound lovely - an honest token of affection, and I'm sure he'll be touched.
Wishing you the best of luck xxxxxx
(Is it too nosey to ask you to keep us posted?)

mylovelymonster · 15/04/2008 13:27

P.S. You're not a freak xxxx

hippipotami · 15/04/2008 13:31

Awww, bean...

I think the parcel is a lovely idea, and the choc buttons from your ds sound lovely. He cannot fail to be pleased by that

The fact that he is coming back is a good sign, but take it slow.

If it is not too intrusive, I would love it if you kept us posted?

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 13:33

Of course I will keep you posted! If anything happens I will be telling EVERYONE!

OP posts:

hippipotami · 15/04/2008 13:40

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 17:34

I need help! I have been in a terrible mood with ds all day and keep crying at nothing. Washed up a mug that the lovely man used and cried, went for a walk and cried, read one of the books he bought me and cried. I feel rubbish! I want him to come back. I don't know what I am going to do if he doesn't.

He is amazing. And brilliant with ds and he did all the dishes last night, made me cups of tea and we talked and talked and talked. And he wanted to know my opinion even though he knows way more than me about everything. And he is gorgeous and sexy and smells really nice. I LOVE him. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhh!!!

ok, done now. I'll stop thinking about it. He said he will come back soon so I'll just have to wait and stop worrying.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 15/04/2008 17:37

you need to come back down to earth. .

If he was interested he would have given you his number.

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 17:44

he did give me his number this morning.

OP posts:

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 17:45

I don't think that means anything though.

OP posts:

mylovelymonster · 15/04/2008 18:03

ah, but you'll see him again soon
Let him spend the time away thinking of you. Absence and that. Don't call him in the middle of the night blubbing xxxxxxxxx

PazzaPlusTwo · 15/04/2008 18:04

ooh he smells really nice ... i fell in love with a guy's smell 7 1/2 years ago ... circumstances were against us ... now I'm on mumsnet!

good luck, do try to take your mind off him at least a few minutes each day, hope it works out x

(DH still smells lovely! )

Original poster

beansmum · 15/04/2008 18:08

his feet stink though. always did, he was sent out of class once at primary school because they were so bad. I'll just have to concentrate on that and not on how lovely the rest of him is.

OP posts:

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