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Original poster

Is this a reason to go NC with a sibling?

309 replies

WouldyouNCthem · 17/07/2024 19:19

I have 3 siblings . When DF was very unwell I tried to be supportive (but I live 4 hours away and I don’t even drive plus have a severley
disabled child and a baby)

When DF passed I wasn’t able to attend the funeral as I was still bf the baby and had no childcare for older dc (DP couldn’t have had both dc alone and we have no help nearby)

Ill also be honest I didn’t want to go because I was suffering with PND and suffering the loss terribly.

My siblings have all gone NC with me due to this as they said I should have been supporting them and respecting DF by going to the funeral and helping DM with her loss. I tried really hard to explain but they’ve not wanted to understand at all and now I have no family as DM also won’t speak to me.

OP posts:
MadameMassiveSalad · 21/07/2024 05:40

I just couldn’t cope emotionally and the thought of the funeral was too much. I was terrified my PND would get worse due to grief on top so I just felt I couldn’t go. I couldn’t cope with the thought of the coffin etc

Nobody actually wants to go to a funeral op.

Renamed · 21/07/2024 06:02

I think some of these responses are ridiculous. PND is a serious illness, for which you had daily medical support. If you’d had eg pneumonia and been unable to travel people wouldn’t be talking about a “choice” you’d made.

Lurkingandlearning · 21/07/2024 06:34

If they know you were ill enough to qualify for daily visits from a mental health nurse which, if you are in UK, would be unusual given how appalling our mental health facility is, then they are being ridiculous. They were daily medical appointments which you would not have been given unless in great need of them.

It wasn’t that long ago that funeral attendance had to be via Zoom or Skype. Didn’t anyone suggest that?

EmmaOvary · 21/07/2024 07:45

Jesus Christ, some of these posters. This thread is quite an ugly place. A mum with a newborn and postnatal psychosis, daily mental health check-ins, and an older child with severe disabilities, a four hour drive away from a funeral? Of course she couldn’t go. What is wrong with people?

PersephonePomegranate23 · 21/07/2024 09:16

If they know you were ill enough to qualify for daily visits from a mental health nurse which, if you are in UK, would be unusual given how appalling our mental health facility is, then they are being ridiculous. They were daily medical appointments which you would not have been given unless in great need of them.

They're not being ridiculous, they're grieving. They've been there until the bitter end and they feel let down by their sibling/child. In the same way that the OP was not able to cope with the funeral, they have no capacity to cope with the OP's reasons for not attending the funeral. Everyone is blinkered and hampered by their own emotional and mental distress right now.

Give it time, things will no doubt settle.

BreezyAquaCrow · 21/07/2024 10:14

Pennyandolive · 20/07/2024 20:22

OP, I just can’t believe you. Maybe it’s my cynical, suspicious nature or the fact that I have lived with a manipulative narcissistic parent but it’s you who comes off as the narcissist. It’s a very subtle way you manipulate. Each update paints you more as the victim, each update lays on the sob story more. When things aren’t going your way with the responses you try a slightly different angle. I have also suffered with serious PND. I wasn’t capable of making a decision and reasoning and explaining myself the way you were. I didn’t have the capacity to function. And yes, I know all experiences are different but just with all of your stories put together, something is very off.

but hey, you’ve had your epiphany, you’ve Google diagnosed your family as narcissists, and now you know all the fancy words and you’ve got your group of supporters on here. Well done - you’ve played a good game.

Totally agree with this. Her first post lists breastfeeding and childcare issues as reasons for not going to the funeral before PND. This didn’t get her enough sympathy so the PND became severe. People still felt she was in the wrong so she threw in an abusive childhood. And the father is miraculously not to blame for that. All very strange.

BowlOfNoodles · 21/07/2024 10:19

BreezyAquaCrow · 21/07/2024 10:14

Totally agree with this. Her first post lists breastfeeding and childcare issues as reasons for not going to the funeral before PND. This didn’t get her enough sympathy so the PND became severe. People still felt she was in the wrong so she threw in an abusive childhood. And the father is miraculously not to blame for that. All very strange.

Show quote history

Yes now if I was the siblings I'd of NEVER got past the travel bit I'd of been absolutely uncivilised instantly I'd of been like NOOOOOOOOOOOO babysitter whaaaat on earth 🌎 the moment I heard that zero sympathy had she of said I'm so SORRY I'm having daily visits from a nurse I have pnd I'd of been sympathetic should never of said well I'm breastfeeding lol.

Pennyandolive · 21/07/2024 20:44

EmmaOvary · 21/07/2024 07:45

Jesus Christ, some of these posters. This thread is quite an ugly place. A mum with a newborn and postnatal psychosis, daily mental health check-ins, and an older child with severe disabilities, a four hour drive away from a funeral? Of course she couldn’t go. What is wrong with people?

She didn’t have post natal psychosis… it’s other posters who have said this and OP liked this and gradually turned it into this. It’s nice that you want to support OP but you are being sucked into her story.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 22/07/2024 10:28

Another thread where I would absolutely LOVE to hear the other side of the story.
You say you supported ' as best as you could' while your father was dying. I wonder what that translated to in real life?
And then not attending the funeral.
I would love to hear your family's version of events.

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