Sent a bum pic - he asked if I had worked out then said room for improvement?

[sarahbranningtonxx]

Bit of context lol.. I sent a bum pic to my fiance... he replied why is there underwear on and then asked if I had worked out (we both know that we both need to work out but both haven't got around to it yet, a mutual thing, i ask him he asks me)
I kinda got offended because i thought that meant the pic didn't look good, so I replied kind of silly saying oh why don't you like my bum how it is haha and he replied "lol nice" (as in sarcastic like oh nice of you to say) - but didn't reassure me or anything which left me feeling a little insecure. So then I literally just said "that was a question" and he said he does like it how it is but there is always room for improvement as you would say. (i would not say this about his physical appearance)

I kind of feel like this is a odd thing to say lol - I mean granted there is! I have put on a stone or two. Just made me feel insecure, and feel it wasn't really needed. thoughts??

Do the same when he sends you one (God forbid).

I'd be concerned he asks other girls for one too.

Thank you @sarahbranningtonxx . My thoughts exactly.

I'm not back tracking on anything.

You see my comments as mean and judgemental because I'm not condemning your fiancé for what his reaction to you was.

I do think sending a bum picture is ridiculous. I do think inviting comment on your body and then getting upset because you didn't not like the reception your photo got is ridiculous
.
You started a thread about it on a public forum which invited people to comment.
I commented. And you didn't like my comment so you are being insulting to me.

BUT the bottom line is if you want to live your life the way you do, which includes sending pictures of various parts of your anatomy for a man to comment on, then that's fine by me. You do you.

I will live my life in my way. Which includes thinking that is a ridiculous way to spend time. That is me being discerning. Not judgemental. So I'll do me.

BUT the bottom line is...

Snigger.

You said you both have been talking about needing to work out, which would imply there's a mutual agreement you both have room to improve.

I think your insecurities have meant you leading the conversation into a place he either blatantly lies to you, or he upsets you.

Stop making issues where there are none. He loves you, he fancies you, you seem to feel the same way, but if you have conversations about insecurities, be ready to feel insecure

I'm not judging anyone for being insecure about their bodies. A lot of people are insecure about their bodies. To my mind the way to work on body insecurity is to look at yourself and work out what YOU feel you can do to improve areas YOU are not happy about. It's how YOU feel about your body that needs worked on. The goal is for YOU to be happier with your own body . Not for somebody else to give itva tick of approval. How does inviting some to criticise you help your self esteem?

So my issue is with a woman inviting a man to comment on her body Why do that? It is her body Why this constant need to have the validation that a man approves of it?

It's the need for validation from a man / men that is ridiculous.

And also, just to add: there is a difference between body confidence and narcissism.

Well if ever there was a guy who doesn't deserve another pic. If he likes them, hasn't he shot himself in the foot? It would be entirely reasonable to not send him any future pics based on his need to critique them rather than sending flirty banter back, as you probably expected.

@Opentooffers well his argument is he did reply saying y is there underwear on and have i been working out, but i suppose i took the working out comment as in i need to work out (because i do, and I guess there must be some deep feeling where he may of made me feel like that before) but totally my own insecurity. then what made things worse, is when i looked for reassurance saying oh why dont you like it how it is (at this point thinking he would say he does) he then says lol nice..... its like a double whammy. now hes argument is oh he did say he likes it how it is... yeah after i literally had to say thats a question. hes not stupid, surely he knew what i was looking for after i said why do you not like it how it is.. @baileys6904 @heartbroken22 lol i should say room for improvement for his you know what too.. haha

you know what the funniest thing is? he made a comment the other day which we had an argument about, he said oh if you sent me butt pics i wouldn't have to follow this girl on social media (she is a half naked account) i took serious offence... so now when i send them he says that, like you cant win.

@Newnamehiwhodis @TheCadoganArms well he made a joke the other day about i didn't send him any photos, because I asked him why he followed a stupid celebrity girl on social media who is half naked, which is kinda why I tried to start doing it..

@Catoo hahaha very informative response, but thanks. I suppose I did take the fun out of it but took the working out comment the wrong way, then he didn't fix it when I asked if he liked it how it is..

I’m assuming he has seen your bum irl, he wouldn’t ask for pics if he didn’t find your body a massive turn on. His ‘room for improvement’ comment was probably an awkward and botched attempted to riff of your in-joke about needing it to work out. He asked why you had underwear on, maybe by room for improvement he means he would have liked to have seen more! 😉

Does he send you pics? If not, he might not realise how vulnerable it can make you feel and so doesn’t get how important it is to be forthcoming with compliments.

If you don’t already, I would make sure the pic sending is a mutual thing. Even if it isn’t a particular turn on for you. If you are the only one sending photos, then it is only your body that is sexually objectified and that imbalance could have a negative impact on your relationship.

So you know nothing about me but I’m a narcissist. Because I am super proud of my body that I’ve worked on and taken care of and have the talent to be able to create professional level model shots of myself in my bedroom with an iPhone.

what a very bitter opinion

I think it’s great

you should try it yourself

It’s not any man, it’s my fiancé. And I look at it rather than inviting a man to comment on my body, it’s more than I want my partner to like my body, to a certain degree, to find me attractive.

no I do not find your comments mean and judgemental for not condoning my fiancé. I’m perfectly ok with different opinions hence why I asked mumsnet. I condone your comments mean and judgemental because you said I had a sad little life, and that my life must be empty? Which is, mean and judgemental. Thanks.

@Warriorworrier we both do tend to send photos when we are working away and away from home, which is what I am doing. Thanks for the advice, maybe I took it to heart.

This one comment has made you doubt he's attraction to you?

Alarm bells ring and red flags abound. You're ENGAGED to a man who follows a half naked stranger on social media and uses this as bait to get photos of your butt. You're already sounding quite insecure .. getting wed to this meat head ain't gonna help.

I'm expressing an opinion based on what you have posted on this thread and how you have posted it.
I may be totally wrong about you but that is the impression I have formed from your posts. From what you have said about yourself and what is acceptable behaviour to you.
It is not a " bitter opinion" . It is an opinion. That is what MN threads are about: opinions.
If you don't like my opinion it that is fine by me. Considering how self confident you are I don't see how the opinion voiced by a stranger on the Internet can really affect you.

As I've already said a few times on this thread you live your life , I'll live mine. But if you openly divulge things about yourself on a thread such as this you must accept people are going to draw conclusions about you.

Fair enough.
I'll qualify what I said: I think spending time taking bum picks is a sad way to spend the time IN MY OPINION. I think that spending time doing this looks as though the person has nothing better to do and so their life appears empty IN My OPINION.
You posted on a public discussion forum and I gave my opinion. I am sorry if you have taken it to heart. It is a general opinion of sending pictures of bums and body parts for men's approval and was not purposely intended as a personal insult to you.
I'm sorry for any upset I might have caused you but I still think asking for validation from a man on your physical appearance, fiancé or not, is not a healthy or worthwhile thing to do.

I think spending time taking bum picks is a sad way to spend the time IN MY OPINION. I think that spending time doing this looks as though the person has nothing better to do and so their life appears empty IN My OPINION.

You make it sound like that is only thing the OP does with her time and from that conclude they have an 'empty life'. You have probably spent more time on this thread then the OP has spent taking said 'bum pics', is your life a bit sad and empty?

you know what the funniest thing is? he made a comment the other day which we had an argument about, he said oh if you sent me butt pics i wouldn't have to follow this girl on social media (she is a half naked account) i took serious offence... so now when i send them he says that, like you cant win.

So if he doesn't get what he wants from you he will get it elsewhere. You're right, you can't win, and it will get worse.

He's manipulative and really doesn't sound like a man to marry.

Well do you know I was thinking exactly the same thing: how much have time I wasted fielding the criticisms of my posts!

Totally ridiculous. But I'm afraid I admit to a personal failing and that is always having to have the last word!

I wouldn't care but I'm really really not that interested in this subject .

This is the problem of having notifications turned on and knowing when you've been quoted/ mentioned.
I think I'd better turn them off.

@CeruleanDive we had a huge argument about that, because thats exactly what i said, if he doesn't get it from me does that mean he is going to go elsewhere? He really is against cheating though, his ex cheated and he is really loyal, so i think this was a stupid throw away comment to manipulate me into sending more pics, well i hope it was anyway.

Manipulating you into sending photos is shit behaviour though. And it will escalate.

Is your bar really that low? As long as he isn't actually cheating on you, it's OK?

How do you take a photo of your bum? Do you twist your arm around so it’s from the bottom of your back, or do you stick the phone between your legs and try for an upwards view?